Paved With Good Intentions
by Lynnlee22
Summary: Philly AU Phyllis leaves Genoa City with a secret. After four years without any contact, will something finally force her to come clean?
1. Chapter 1

"You really have to go so soon?" Phyllis knew she was being selfish, but it didn't keep her from asking the question. Summer had her own life now and should be living it, not feeling compelled to drop in and check on her mother every month.

Summer smiled back at her. "I really do," she sighed, "Chris' family always gets together the weekend before Christmas so everyone doesn't have to be away from home on Christmas. I'll get to meet everyone." After her recent string of disastrous relationships, Chris was almost too good to be true and she couldn't hide her excitement as she spoke about the upcoming family event. Even though, as she happily chattered about her holiday plans, she couldn't help but feel bad for her mother. It had been nearly four year since she'd left Genoa City and, with each passing month, it seemed a little more of her zest for life dwindled.

"You could come with us?" she suggested hopefully, "It would be fun for you to meet Chris' family, right?"

Phyllis laughed softly, immediately recognizing her daughter's propensity to look out for her. "That's the last thing you need—your old mother hanging around." She sighed. "No, honey, you go. You go and live your life. You've found someone that makes you happy and there's nothing more important than that. Don't ever forget it." She felt her voice trail away as her mind drifted back to years ago when the choice was still in front of her.

"You haven't even asked about him tonight." It had become a staple of every one of their visits, with each attempt to cover the true intent becoming more and more elaborate. Tonight was the first time it seemed she wasn't going to ask and Summer couldn't help but wonder why—what had changed. "Aren't you curious?"

Phyllis shook her head sadly, the breath leaving her body in a slow, deliberate sigh. "Not this time. It's time to move on."

* * *

"And she didn't push for more information?" Avery poured tea into her mug before filling Phyllis' and pushing it across the table towards her.

"Not really," Phyllis said flatly, already feeling the guilt welling up inside her. "I mean she really doesn't have any reason to suspect anything."

"I guess that's true. You haven't told her anything, right?"

Phyllis nodded, "And before you even start, I know how you feel about it and I can't. I can't tell her this—not now."

Avery shook her head, knowing the argument was a losing battle, but also knowing it was her duty to at least try. "Phyllis—you need support now more than ever. You need your family around you."

"And I have my family," she smiled, reaching out to touch her sister's arm. "I have you. You're here. I'm not doing this alone."

"Of course I'm here and you'll always have me, but you need more than that. You need someone that can be with you all the time, someone you can talk to, someone you can confide in…"

"And that's you.."

"That can't be me all the time though, I've got a job that takes a lot of my time and I've also got that other little person to focus on." She smiled across the table as she watched her sister's face change at the mere mention of her.

"Yeah I know. I know I'm asking a lot of you."

"Hey," Avery said softly. "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant…I wish you'd think about telling her..or..maybe." She stopped as soon as she saw the look on her face.

"It's not like I haven't thought about it." Phyllis drew in a deep breath. The weight she'd carried for nearly four years now felt as if it could literally crush her. "It was hard enough at first you know, but now…it feels almost impossible. So much time has passed, Avery. What would I even say? How would I even begin to explain this?"

"I don't know," she breathed, shaking her head sadly. It wasn't the most helpful answer, but it was honest. "What I do know is you don't want to wait until…" Her voice broke as she realized what she was saying and to whom. As a lawyer, she'd trained herself to remove the emotion from the situation and see everything objectively—only the facts. She'd become quite good at it—sometimes too good. Her eyes now burned with tears as reality hit. This wasn't a case. This was her sister.

She forced herself to remain composed. The last thing Phyllis needed was to watch her fall apart. She had to be the strong one. "I know we've got the documents drawn up and everything, but that's not something you want to spring on somebody. Just promise me you'll think about it," she managed, willing the tears to dry up.

"It's all I think about, Avery." She glanced back towards the hallway. "You know, she's started asking questions."

Avery closed her eyes. She remembered the phone call, the sobbing so intense that she'd barely been able to make out her words. It had taken her nearly a half hour to discern that she was at the airport and even longer to figure out that she wasn't here for a visit. Phyllis had been an absolute wreck for the first few weeks, questioning her decision daily, sometimes hourly. And then everything changed.

Summer came for her first visit and brought with her news of Billy's engagement to Victoria. Despite everyone's insistence that the nuptials were doomed and that the rushed nature was a sure indication of a rebound, Phyllis took it as a sign. From that moment on, the die had been cast. There was no turning back. Summer and Avery were sworn to secrecy.

From the beginning, she'd been dreading this moment. She knew it wouldn't take long for her to realize there was someone missing from her life. She was precocious and not at all afraid to ask a question.

Avery nodded with a sigh. "I figured she would be soon. She's smart and she's got questions—and you know she's stubborn as a mule. She's not going to quit asking—especially if she thinks you're not telling her the truth." Avery locked eyes with Phyllis across the table. "I can't imagine where she gets that from," she smiled.

"Got to be an Abbott thing," Phyllis joked.

"Right," Avery scoffed. "That little girl is every bit your daughter."


	2. Chapter 2

Avery stepped inside the door, pulling it closed behind her.

"You can stop that," Phyllis sighed, smiling a bit as she turned to face her.

"What?" Avery asked, feigning innocence.

"You know what," Phyllis spat, pulling off the light jacket and hanging it up in the small closet. "You've been doing it since we left the hospital. You're watching every move I make like I'm some kind of time bomb."

"Maybe you're just really interesting," Avery joked, trying to make light out of the stressful situation. She sighed, sitting down on the end of the bed. "I'm sorry," she whined, putting her hands over her face, "I know you tell me not to worry, but I can't help it. You're my sister and I love you. I'm going to worry."

"I love you too," Phyllis said softly, sitting down beside her and pulling her into a half hug, "I just don't want you to treat me like I'm made of glass or something. Honestly, I feel fine. I'd tell you if I didn't."

Avery's eyes narrowed. "Would you?"

Phyllis crossed her heart with her hands. "And hope to…" She stopped, letting the phrase hang in the air as she watched her sister's eyes close.

"Don't say that. Please. Don't ever say that."

"Avery, it's gonna be fine…I…"

"Mommy?"

Phyllis turned quickly, her face instantly brightening. "Hey lovebug!" She reached out, smiling as her daughter ran into her arms. "Did you have a good day at preschool today?" She looked up to the see the sitter standing behind her. "You can go ahead and leave for the night," she said politely. "We're good."

Aly ran over to give the sitter and hug and Phyllis turned back to Avery. "We are good, right?"

"Yeah," Avery said softly, "We're good."

* * *

Phyllis smiled as Aly sang along with the theme song of her most recent tv show obsession. She picked up a few toys and stacked them in the corner.

"I can do that," Avery said, rushing up to her.

Phyllis straightened. "Avery."

"Sorry," Avery sighed. "It's just…you heard what the.." She glanced over towards Aly who watched the television at the moment but whose ears had the ability to process many different conversations at once. "You heard what the man said about the situation and how you had to be serious about it. Even if you don't have any situations right away, it could happen later."

"I know, okay?" She pushed Avery further out of the room, lowering her voice so she could speak more candidly without Aly hearing. "Look, I know radiation can be serious, but right now, I feel fine. I don't see the point of acting like I could get sick when I don't feel sick."

"It's not about that Phyllis. It's about conserving your energy, not overdoing it, letting someone help you. Any of this ringing a bell? You know, I could stay here with you—it wouldn't be a big deal. I can run home, grab some clothes."

"No." Phyllis said quickly.

"Why not?"

"Well, for one—How would we explain to Aly why Aunt Avery is suddenly moving in?"

"We'll say we're having a slumber party," Avery said with a smile, "She'll be so excited she won't even question it."

"I don't want to lie to her."

Avery sighed in frustration. "You don't want to lie to her, Phyllis? Seriously! Isn't that what you've been doing for the last four years of her life?!"

Phyllis' eyes immediately filled with tears. "I don't want to," she said softly. "It's not what I mean to do. It's just…I'm trying…"

"I'm sorry," Avery said quietly, reaching out to touch her sister's shoulder supportively. "I didn't mean it to come out like that. I just wish you'd reconsider the way you're going about this. If you'd just call him."

"Avery," she sighed, "We've been over this. He has his life and I have mine."

"You've got one very real connection though," Avery said, gesturing towards the bed, "One that he knows absolutely nothing about."

"And it needs to stay that way," Phyllis sighed, "Nothing good will come from involving Billy in this—especially now."

"Especially when you need him? Especially when Aly needs him?"

"Avery."

"Alright," she relented, holding up her hands in mock surrender. "I'll stop. I will. Just do me a favor. Promise me that you'll think about…really think about it."

Phyllis nodded. Avery walked back into the room. She leaned down to give Aly a hug. "I'll be by to pick you up in the morning for school, okay?"

Aly smiled happily as she turned her attention back to the television.

Avery walked back towards the door, her eyes trained on Phyllis. "Just think about it," she said again, "I know it's scary and I know it's hard, but I really believe it's the best thing you could do for her and for yourself. Think about what Aly would want. Don't you think she'd call Billy if she could? Just call him—call Billy."

"Go home," Phyllis smiled, leaning in and giving her sister a hug. "I'll think about it," she whispered.

She stood at the door as she watched Avery make her way down the hall, waving as she turned back to face her. With a sigh, she stepped back into the room, closing the door softly. She drew in a breath before stepping over to her daughter.

"Alright," she said with a smile, "Time to get you ready for bed."

* * *

"You all set?" she asked as she pulled the covers up tight around her. "What's the story tonight?" Phyllis stood up, walking over to the bookshelf on the other side of the room.

"No," Aly said softly, "I want you to tell me a story."

Phyllis stopped, her eyes automatically closing as she felt the pit in her stomach grow. She knew exactly what story Aly would request. It was the same one she always requested. Nevertheless, she turned, plastering on a smile and returning to the bed. "Tell you a story? What kind of story would you like?"

Aly blinked up at her, her big brown eyes wide with questions that still needed answers. "The one about my Daddy," she said softly.

"Oh, Aly," Phyllis sighed, running her fingers through her daughter's dark hair. "Maybe we tell that story another night, okay? It's kind of late."

"Just a short one, Mommy. Please?"

"Alright." Phyllis took a breath. "Once upon a time in a land not too far from here there was a princess that had lost her way home…."

Phyllis eased off the bed, stopping as she saw Aly's eyes fly open again. She sighed, "Sweetie, you have got to go to sleep."

"Maybe if I play a game on your phone," Aly suggested with a charming smile.

"Oh," Phyllis blinked, "Really? You think that might just do the trick, do you?"

Aly nodded happily.

Phyllis stood, handing her the phone. "Alright," she said softly, leaning down and kissing her daughter's forehead, "but just long enough for Mommy to take a shower and then it's lights out."

The happy sounds of the game already rang out through the speakers and Phyllis shook her head as she headed towards the bathroom.

Aly happily tapped at the keys until she heard the shower curtain slide closed. Her tiny fingers found the button, pressing it until she heard the familiar tone.

"Siri," her little voice rang out, "Call Billy."


	3. Chapter 3

Billy sat at the small table, the images on the laptop blurring as he stared at them. He sighed, rubbing his eyes, and blinking hard before returning to the work. This is what his life consisted of now. He went to work, came home to a hotel room suite, and worked on more work. It was the only way he kept any shred of sanity. He had to keep busy, to distract himself. If he allowed himself time to think, time to wonder….

The phone vibrated across the table and huffed. No doubt it was someone calling to chastise him for something he hadn't done or perhaps something he had that wasn't right or wasn't good enough. He flipped the phone over, his breath catching in his throat as his eyes registered the name that popped up on the screen.

So many times in the last four years he'd found his thumb hovering over that name in the contacts list. Sometimes it was resisting the temptation to hit the call button, if for no other reason than to simple hear her voice, other times it was to delete the number out of his phone—to try and move on, to finally once and for all accept that they were never going to happen. It was never going to work even if she did invade his thoughts on an almost daily basis.

The phone continued to buzz and it certainly occurred to him that he needed to answer.

"Hello," he managed.

"Hi." Aly smiled, always impressed by the talent of the woman that lived inside the phone. "Is your name Billy?"

The breath left his lungs instantly as if he'd been deflated. He'd expected to hear her voice and instead this was, he was almost certain, a child. "It is," he said hesitantly, "Who is this?"

"Aly," she said succinctly.

Billy paused waiting for her to continue, but she didn't. "Well, Hi Aly," he said with a slight chuckle. "Did uh…Did you find this phone somewhere? Did someone lose it?"

Aly's brow crinkled in confusion. "No. This is my mommy's phone. She's in the shower and Aunt Avery's gone home."

He stood quickly, as if somehow standing would make things clearer, the words now registering more clearly. "Aunt Avery?" he repeated.

"Uh huh." Aly pulled at the edges of her t-shirt. "That's Mommy's sister."

"Right," Billy breathed. "Uh…how old are you, Aly?"

"Four."

Four. Four years—She'd been gone a little over four years…was it possible? He lowered his body back into the chair, needing a moment to catch his breath but also wanting to make the most of every second. There were so many questions. One that suddenly leapt into his head…the most important.

"Aly," his words rushed from his lips, "Where do you live?"

Aly smiled, "222 W. Erie Street, Chicago Illinois 60654." She took a breath before adding, "If we know that at school we get to go to the treasure bear. I know it every week," she grinned.

Billy grabbed a sheet of paper, scribbling down the address quickly. "That's great, Aly. That's really great. Listen, can you tell me your Mommy's name."

Aly opened her mouth to speak, but stopped hearing the shower curtain move. "I've got to go," she said quickly, hitting the end button on the phone.

"Aly," Billy said, the breath leaving his body quickly as he looked down at the phone to see the call ended.

For a moment he stared down at the address on the page, his hands trembling. If this was true, if this was possible, Phyllis and his daughter had been living hours away from him for four years and he'd had no idea.

His hand ran across his face as the magnitude of the prospect almost overwhelmed him. Slowly he pushed himself up from the table, the urge to question everything outweighed by only one consuming thought. If he had a child, he had to find them.

Quickly he walked over to the closet, pulling out a few necessities and throwing them into a bag. He'd drive all night if he had to, but the only way he'd get answers—at least answers he could trust would be to see this for himself.

* * *

Phyllis sighed as she rubbed the cream onto her face. The words Avery had said to her weren't anything new. From the day she'd told her she was pregnant, Avery had tried to convince her to tell Billy. In her mind, Billy would have never let her go through this alone. And, in truth, she was probably right, but she didn't want it that way—She didn't want him that way.

She and Billy had never been about obligation. They had never been together because it was what they were supposed to do—quite the opposite actually. He was her sanctuary and she was his levity. They worked. They balanced. They clicked and whatever else you wanted to call it, but they never—ever—guilted each other into staying in the relationship. They hadn't done it before and she certainly wasn't going to start now.

Slowly she opened the door and peered into Aly's room. The phone now lay by her side and she smiled as she saw her daughter's eyes lightly closed. Gingerly, she took the phone and flipped the bedside lamp off. Aly stirred as she leaned down and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. "Goodnight Mommy," she whispered.

"Goodnight, lovebug." Phyllis stepped into the hallway and slowly pulled the door closed. As much as she'd professed to Avery that she was feeling fine, she was exhausted and morning would come quickly. She headed towards her bedroom as she pressed the buttons on the phone to change the setting for the alarm. Her eyes widened as she stared at the screen.

The name at the top of the call log—She stopped in her tracks, bracing her hand against the wall for support and immediately feeling her legs begin to tremble. The call was from moments ago and lasted for nearly nine minutes. Someone had been talking to Billy. She turned, her eyes staring into the partly cracked door, at the sleeping little girl that now lay curled up on her side.

Her fingers trembled as she pressed buttons, a wave of nausea sweeping over her. "Avery," she managed, "Can you get over here? I'm okay…it's just…Can you just come? I'll explain when you get here."

Phyllis closed her eyes as she ended the call, no longer thinking anything about sleep. She allowed her legs to give out beneath her as her back slid down against the wall.


	4. Chapter 4

In any other situation, he would have needed to stop for coffee- It was, after all, the middle of the night and the normal busy interstate was surprisingly quiet save the scattered semi trucks, but not tonight. Billy had never felt quite so awake, so alert, so alive. His mind played and replayed ever word of the brief conversation he'd had with the little girl—the little girl that could be his daughter. Just the thought of it brought tears to his eyes. She'd left so suddenly, but he'd never imagined this. He'd tried calling her, but she'd never answer. He'd left voicemail messages that were never returned. He talked to Lauren, to Michael, even to Summer and though they finally admitted they knew where she was, they also admitted she'd explicitly told them to never tell him. She didn't want to see him. He had to accept it. And so he'd tried.

He'd done the only thing he knew to do. He'd kept himself busy. He'd buried himself in his work. He'd tried to fill the hole she left in his heart with other things and even other people, but the hole somehow seemed to just get bigger.

His eyes darted towards the green sign that seemed to glow under the darkness of the night sky. Chicago—He'd know the truth soon enough.

* * *

"My God..are you alright?" Avery's voice was strained as she stood in the hallway.

"That depends on your definition," Phyllis breathed, the shock having finally worn off a little.

"Well, let me get in there before I terrify your neighbors. You scared the hell out of me. I just threw clothes on. I look like death." Avery rushed inside hearing Phyllis shut the door behind her. "And now I know it must be serious because you'd never miss a chance for a smart comeback after I left the door wide open for you like that." She stepped closer to her, reaching out and laying her hand on her shoulder. "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

Phyllis handed her the phone. "Look."

Avery's eyes widened. "You called him?" She smiled then, looking at her sister's face, stopped, "What happened? I mean—you had to know he'd be a little upset..Phyllis—I understand you though…"

"No," she interrupted, "That's just it. I didn't call him." She moved towards the couch, running her hands over her face. "I put Aly to bed and she I was doing the whole bedtime routine. I went to pick a book and she wanted me to tell her a story and you know what the means…"

"The one about her Dad," Avery sighed.

"Right. So I told her the story and she was still wide awake. I told her she had to go to sleep and she asked if she could play games on my phone." Phyllis nodded as she saw Avery's eyes flicker as the realization hit. "Exactly," Phyllis whispered. "I think she called him."

"Phyllis," Avery hissed. She glanced back towards the dimly hit hallway. "Well, did you ask her?"

She shook her head. "No. I mean she's asleep and maybe she didn't really know what she was doing. For all I know he could think it was a wrong number and I'm afraid if I ask her and make a big deal out of it, she's gonna know it was a big deal and then the next chance she gets she'll do it again and…." The words were flying out of her mouth as quickly as the thoughts were running through her head.

Her sister's hands on her shoulder suddenly grounded her and she looked up to find her eyes staring into hers. "Honey. I hate to tell you this, but there's no way in hell Billy Abbott doesn't know that this number is yours—Just like his number is still in your phone, Your number is still in his. Count on it."

"Is that supposed to be some kind of metaphor," Phyllis snipped, "because I'm not in the mood."

Avery smiled slightly. "At least you've still got your sense of humor," she said softly. "No, look. You're panicking right now, but maybe this is good…maybe Aly inadvertently broke the ice for you. Maybe in the morning you can call Billy yourself and arrange some way for the two of you to meet and talk this out."

"Maybe," she sighed. "I just.."

"No." Avery put her arm around her, pulling her in for a quick hug. "No more arguments from you. You don't have to figure all this out tonight. You've got some time, but honestly—if you're asking me…I think this is a good thing."

The sound of a knock on the door echoed throughout the room. Phyllis stared at Avery.

"Did you call anyone?" she asked, her heart already beating faster, somehow already knowing who was on the other side of the door.

"No. I didn't. I…." Avery paused. "You don't think he would have just gotten in the car and started driving?"

Phyllis closed her eyes before drawing in a shaky breath. "It's Billy," she said softly, "That's exactly what he'd do."

* * *

Billy clasped his hands in front of him. The last ten minutes of the drive had been spent rehearsing what he'd say when he saw her but, in truth, he knew it was a useless endeavor. The second he saw her face, he would speechless—just as he always was, just as he assumed he always would be. She took his breath and left him completely stunned with her every movement. Even now, even after all these years, he could still close his eyes and see her as clearly as if she were standing in front of him.

His heart raced as he heard the sound of the lock turning and watched as the door moved ever so slightly.

"Billy."

"Avery." He sighed, disappointment evident on his face.

She smiled at him. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, "It's just…it's late and I had no idea you were planning to visit."

Billy opened his mouth to speak, but found himself stumped. He'd never imagined seeing anyone but her on the other side of that door. "It wasn't really a plan," he finally managed after clearing his throat. "I got a phone call from…" He paused, tears already stinging at his eyes.

Avery looked away, not able to stand to watch this. "Billy."

"A little girl—She said her name was Aly and I thought….Is Phyllis here?"

There was silence for a moment. Her sister was just inside the room. With everything she was going through, her request had seemed reasonable just a few moments ago. She didn't want to deal with this in this way. She needed time to think about how to respond. Her daughter needed time. This wasn't good for her—this kind of stress, but that was then and this was now. Now she was looking into the eyes of a man that came here, drove here in the middle of the night, on a whim.

"Avery, please…" He could see the struggle in her eyes, the battle that waged within her. It was obvious what she'd been sent here to do. Phyllis was in that room and, for whatever reason, she didn't want to see him.

"Come in," Avery said softly, stepping aside and allowing him to pass. She pushed the door closed.

Phyllis stepped quickly into the room. "Thank you," she sighed. "And I promise, I'll call him…I just didn't want to…" She stopped short, her voice catching along with her breath. The mere sight of him was overwhelming and the mug in her hand slipped from her grasp, shattering onto the floor. "Damn it," she hissed, bending down to pick up the pieces.

"Careful." He knelt down, placing his hand on hers, his eyes immediately matching her gaze as he stood up in tandem with her. "You'll cut yourself. Just leave it. I'll take care of it."

Avery stepped over and quickly past them. "Actually I can get the broom and dustpan and I'll get it. You two should talk." She gestured towards the couch and Phyllis took a few steps towards it.

"Mommy!"

Her eyes clenched tight as she heard Aly's voice ring out. Billy turned towards her, the questions all over his face, without so much as a word. The sound of small footsteps echoed down the hallway and Phyllis rushed over, scooping her up in her arms. The oversized t-shirt fell past her knees and she held part of it in her hands to keep from falling over it.

"Careful, baby," she whispered. "It's okay, Mommy just dropped a cup. It's okay, but you don't want to step on any of the glass until we get it all cleaned up."

Aly nodded. "Who's that?"

"That's just a friend of Aunt Avery's," Phyllis said quickly, not giving Billy a chance to respond. His eyes fell on hers and she looked away, unable to handle the depth of his gaze or the hurt that radiated from his eyes. "She had to come over for a minute and she brought him with her."

"Oh," Aly said, her little mouth opening into a wide yawn.

"You know what. I think that means you still need some more sleep," Phyllis whispered, hugging her tight and giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. "You've got school in the morning, remember? So, go…Go on..back to bed." She watched with a smile as Aly turned towards Billy and waved politely before rushing off towards her room.

She wanted to stay there, right in that spot. If she stayed right there with her back to him, maybe she could avoid the look in his eyes, the questions in his mind, the judgment….

The feeling of his hand on her shoulder caused her to jump and she turned, surprised to see him so close to her.

"Sorry," he whispered, his face relaxed as he looked at her. "Phyllis…" It was almost a whisper, a plea really—as if he knew she knew the question in his heart even though it remained unasked and unanswered.

The emotion welled up within her and her throat felt thick. She swallowed hard before speaking. "It's late," she managed. "It's really late, Billy and she's got school tomorrow and….I mean it's the middle of the night and…" A shaky breath escaped her lips and she brought her trembling hand up.

Billy nodded. "Alright. Alright. What time does Aly leave for school in the morning?"

"She'll be gone by eight," Phyllis breathed.

"I'll be here at 8:30," Billy said, his eyes trained on her. "And Phyllis?"

She looked up, her eyes still shiny, her heart still racing, "Yes?"

"We are going to have this discussion. If you run, I'll follow you…so please, just be here."

Her eyes fluttered closed as she marveled as how well he knew her. "I will," she whispered. "I promise."

Phyllis sat down slowly on the couch as she heard Avery behind her. "Well," she sighed, "It looks like you got your wish. Billy and I are going to have a discussion tomorrow."

Avery sat down beside her. "You know it's for the best, sweetie. He deserves the right to get to know his daughter and she deserves the right to get to know him. It's the right thing to do for everyone involved."

A tear rolled down her cheek, finally free. "God, Avery, I hope you're right."

* * *

Billy shut the car door, letting his head fall against the steering wheel. It was different when it was a thought, a possibility, a concept. But now—it was so much more than that. It was the way Phyllis acted. It was the look in her eyes when she'd seen him standing in the room. It was the sound of the little girl's voice and her dark hair and dark eyes. It was her smile and her features and everything that looked like a perfect combination of them. But more than that, more than any of that, it was the t-shirt she wore….a hockey t-shirt, one of his favorites, and also one he'd left over at Phyllis' house one night.

And at four years old, that's what his daughter had—a lousy t-shirt.


	5. Chapter 5

"Damn it! Damn it!" Phyllis glanced over at Aly who gazed at her with disapproving eyes. "Sorry," she whispered. "Mommy's sorry. That's not a nice word."

"What's the matter, Mommy?"

Phyllis sighed. How did a child so young pick up on so much? She wanted so much to shield her from all of the drama and complications that she'd created, but now it seemed almost impossible. With Billy here, there were questions that had to be answered. She smiled as she gently ran her fingers through her daughter's dark hair. "It's just a bad morning, baby," she said softly. "That's all."

"You ready to head out, munchkin?" She held out the small backpack towards Aly and smiled as she helped her slide her arms through the straps.

"Go get your folder for your teacher," Phyllis said softly as she looked over at Avery. "Ugh no," she groaned as she held out a paper bag for her, "I can't even think of eating this morning. My stomach has been in knots since last night."

Avery's face grew serious, the concern settling deep in her eyes. "You think it has something to do with the treatments? Maybe we should call the doctor."

"No. I think it has something to do with a man that showed up on my doorstep in the middle of the night, a man that happens to be.." She stepped closer and lowered her voice, "the father of my child."

"Phyllis," Avery sighed, "I've already told you. You don't need to be nervous about that. Billy is a good guy and you're going to have to explain why you didn't tell him, but I don't have any doubt in my mind that he'll be amazing with Aly and maybe even…"

"Don't even go there," she interrupted. "That's not at all what this is about. Billy and I were over a long time ago and despite what I might have hoped, it just wasn't in the cards for us. Regardless of what he chooses to do in regards to a relationship with Aly, it doesn't change the fact that the two of us don't have a relationship."

Avery nodded. "Whatever you say, sis." She smiled as she heard a knock on the door. "Looks like someone's a little anxious to see you this morning," she grinned.

"He said 8:30," she hissed, pointing to the clock on the wall, "Does that look like 8:30 to you?"

"Does it matter? He's here now. Are you going to stand here or are you going to go let the man in?"

"I just…I wanted to wait until Aly…" She stopped talking, now hearing Billy's voice clearly. She rushed into the living room, her eyes falling on Aly who stood beside Billy. "Aly," she managed, her voice stressed, "Baby you can't just let people in without knowing who it is. That's very dangerous."

"I knew who it was," she said softly. "I asked who is it before I opened the door and he said 'Billy Abbott'. I talked to him last night on the phone." Her eyes flashed with worry. "It was while you were in the shower," she said softly, glancing down at the floor. "I probably wasn't supposed to."

Her legs felt weak beneath her and it took all she could to pull in a breath. "Well," she exhaled, her voice now trembling a bit as she stepped over to her, her hand resting on her head. "It's okay. We can talk about that later. But still…" She paused, trying to gather herself, "How about you just let Mommy answer the door from now on? Alright? It's very good that you're so polite, but remember what we've talked about with strangers."

Billy nodded. "Your Mommy's right," he said, stepping over to her after putting the two cups he carried down on the coffee table, "but let's get this out of the way, so we're not strangers anymore." He stuck out his hand and smiled at her, "My name is Billy Abbott and it's very nice to meet you."

Aly's eyes lit up and she took his hand, shaking it gently. "My name is Alexandra Foster Summers and it's very nice to meet you."

Billy froze, his hand stilling immediately.

"You're not very good at hand shaking," Aly said quietly. "You're supposed to go up and down like this." She pulled his hand up and down to illustrate.

"I know," he smiled. "I'm sorry. I just…I was just thinking about something that's all."

Avery stepped into the room. "You know Aly—we better get going or we're going to be late for school."

Aly whirled around, rushing towards Phyllis and throwing her arms around her. "Love you, Mommy," she said cheerfully.

Phyllis closed her eyes, the words hitting her particularly hard this morning. "Love you too, baby," she whispered, the lump in her throat making her voice raspy. She averted her eyes quickly, as she saw Billy's eyes upon her.

"Bye Billy!" Aly chirped as Avery hustled her out of the room.

"Bye!" His response was barely as a whisper as he watched the little girl scamper out of the room. Part of him wanted to grab her and refuse to let her go. Even though he had no real proof, everything in him screamed that she was his and he'd already missed so much time.

He turned back towards Phyllis. "Alright," he began, "It's just you and me now…I…"

"Have you eaten," she said quickly, her nerves already getting the better of her. "You know I'm not a cook, but Avery brought bagels and I can get them and I have some coffee made and…"

Billy gestured to the table. "I brought coffee actually. Double latte with skim—is it still your usual?"

She stopped, her feet feeling almost frozen in place. "Yes," she breathed. "Yeah, it is. I can't believe you remembered that." She stepped slowly back over to the couch, lowering herself down slowly.

"I remember a lot of things, Phyllis." His voice was low, but not menacing. There wasn't anger just emptiness and his eyes—his eyes stared into hers so full of questions. "Like that shirt.."

Phyllis let her eyes close for a moment. "What shirt?" Her stomach lurched again even as she said the words. She knew very well what shirt. It was the shirt Aly slept in…the one she'd slept in for a time. Billy's shirt—one of the few things she had left of him…well, besides her daughter.

"Phyllis." He let out a deep sigh. "Are we really going to do this? You know what shirt—the one Aly had on the other night—the hockey t-shirt. You really going to tell me that's some kind of coincidence?"

She reached forwards grabbing the warm cup off the coffeetable and pulling off the plastic lid. All the words the doctor said about no caffeine now meant little as she needed something, anything to help her through this moment. "Billy, I think you're reading a bit too much into that. It was something I used to wear if you must know. It made me feel closer to you and I know that sounds silly and maybe even a little pathetic, but it made me feel better and…"

His eyes were staring into hers again. "It doesn't sound needy or pathetic," he said softly, "Why is she wearing it?"

"The same reason kids play dress up with the Mommy's shoes and dresses, Billy." She stood up quickly, pacing the length of the room. "It's what kids do. They want to wear what their parents wear. She asked if she could wear the shirt and I let her. I think it's cute."

"Alright," he sighed, already exasperated, "And the name? Foster…"

"What?"

"It has nothing to do with me, Phyllis?"

"I like the name, Billy….just because it happens to be your middle name doesn't mean that everything revolves around you." She breathed in quickly before spitting out another insult but found her breath catching. A strange sensation pulled at her chest and she coughed violently for a moment.

Billy stood, walking up behind her, his hand warm on her shoulder, his voice soft as he leaned closer. "Hey," he whispered, "You okay?"

"I'm," she struggled to regain composure. "I'm just..I've had this bronchitis thing for a bit. I haven't really kicked the cough yet. Could you get me a tissue, please?"

"Sure." Billy grabbed a tissue and handed it to her. "How about some water."

She nodded, still struggling to catch her breath. The pulling pain continued and she coughed hard before pulling the tissue away. Bright crimson spots seemed to bleed through the tissue and her eyes widened in pure fear. She jumped when she heard Billy's voice so close behind her. "Phyllis."

"It's…" She drew her hand into a fist, balling up the tissue and trying to stand up straight. "I'm…"

"You're going to the hospital," Billy said flatly.

There was no point in arguing really—she could lie to many people, but not to him. He'd seen the blood, but more importantly he'd seen the fear in her eyes. He knew her too well. She nodded as he grabbed her jacket from the closet and carefully helped her out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

He watched her as she slowly took a sip from the cup he held to her lips. "You okay?" he whispered softly, his hand softly pressed against her back as he gently allowed her to lean back.

She nodded, recognizing the deep lines of concern in his forehead. She wanted to comfort him, to promise him everything would be okay, but she thought it best to limit the lies to those she'd already told. No need to tempt her already tenuous fate tonight.

Billy sighed audibly. "Where are those doctors?" He paced across the floor, his hands clasped tight in front of him. "Someone should be in here by now. It's ridiculous."

Phyllis pushed herself up in the bed. "You called Avery?" she said softly, her chest still sore as she tried not to take a terribly deep breath for fear the coughing would begin again.

"Yeah," he said quickly, returning to her side. "I called her. She said she'd be here as soon as she could. Is there anything else you need me to do for you?"

She smiled slightly as she looked up at him. For the last four years she'd tried to forget how he made her feel. She'd tried not to think about how his gaze could make her feel as if she were the only person on the planet, how a simple touch of his hand could make the entire day just fade away, how his presence made everything better. She tried not to think about it because thinking about how good it had been just reminded her of everything she no longer had and that was a pain she couldn't bear on a daily basis.

"No. You've done plenty. Really…"

"I don't mind…if there's anything…"

Avery's voice echoed through the waiting room. "My sister," she said, the panic in her voice clear. "Phyllis Summers. I got a call that she was being brought here."

Billy nodded towards Phyllis as he headed out the swinging doors. "I'll take care of it," he said softly.

"Avery." Her shoulders dropped with relief as she saw him.

"Is she okay, Billy? What happened? What on earth happened? She was fine this morning." She felt Aly tug on her hand and the realization of her presence brought clarity to the moment. "You know what sweetie? Why don't you go sit in those chairs just over there while I talk to Billy, okay?"

Aly nodded, heading over to the chairs with her tablet.

Avery turned back towards him. "I had to pick her up from school," she continued, her voice quieter than before, "I wasn't really sure what was going on and I was afraid…." She studied his face, wondering how bad things really were. "What is going on, Billy?"

He shook his head. The questions she was asking were the very same questions he had. "I don't know, " he answered honestly. "One minute we were talking and the next minute she just started coughing. She told me she'd been sick with bronchitis and I went into the kitchen to get her some water. When I got back I noticed there was blood on the tissue and I could tell she was panicked. She tried to play it off, but she was scared, Avery…and when Phyllis gets scared…." He paused for a moment, bracing himself to ask the question he wasn't sure he wanted answered.

"Avery—Do you know what's going on?"

She looked away, not able to look him in the eyes at this moment. Time after time she'd had this conversation with Phyllis, but Phyllis refused to be honest with him. She insisted it wouldn't be fair to him, but was this? It was obvious he cared about her—obvious that he wanted to help her, take care of her, make things easier, but she couldn't betray her sister…especially now.

"I need to see Phyllis," she said softly. "Can you keep an eye on her?" She pointed over to Aly who hadn't even looked up from the screen.

"Sure," Billy said quietly. "No problem."

* * *

"This is crazy," he whispered under his breath as he stood and watched the little girl from afar. "She's four years old. You cannot be intimidated by a four year old." He closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath.

"Why are you talking to yourself?" His eyes flew open as he felt a small hand pull at his shirt. Aly's dark eyes stared up at him with somewhat amusement as she watched him. "There wasn't anybody else over here," she giggled.

Billy smiled back at her. "Busted," he whispered. "How about I go sit over there and talk to you so I don't have to talk to myself?"

"Ok!" Aly took his hand to lead him back to the chairs and stopped when she felt resistance. She turned to look at him. "What's wrong?"

He looked away for a moment, realizing that none of this would make any sense to her. It wasn't fair to her to do this…not like this. He took a breath, squeezing his eyes tight shut. "I'll be over there in just a second okay?"

His eyes burned with tears that couldn't fall as he stood and forced himself to breath. She couldn't seem him cry. She'd have questions he couldn't answer. She wouldn't understand why holding her hand meant so much. He stood up straight and walked over to sit.

"So." He felt his muscles tense as he sat down beside her, already feeling the pressure of trying to start a conversation. Her bright eyes were already staring up at him expectantly.

"Is Mommy okay?" she asked, suddenly sounding much more like the four year old she was than the somewhat mini adult she'd been just moments ago.

"Mommy just needed the doctors to check her out…that's all," he said softly, hoping he wasn't lying. "I'm sure she'll be just fine."

Aly nodded. "Not like the last time."

Billy stopped, considering her words. "What happened last time?"

"Last time Mommy was sick," she said. Her words were simple and she reached for her tablet again.

He felt his stomach drop for a moment as he considered the potential behind the little girl's words. "Mommy's been sick before?"

"Uh huh," she nodded. "Lots of times. Before she had to go to the real big hospital and when we went to see her we had to wear these really funny gowns and masks. It was scary at first, but then Aunt Avery said it was like Halloween so then it was okay." She smiled as she looked up at Billy. "If we have to do that again, I bet Aunt Avery could get one to fit you. You're tall so you'll need a big one."

Billy nodded. "I will."

"Was uh…Was your Mommy in the big hospital a long time?"

"Maybe, I stayed with Aunt Avery until she got back." She rubbed her eyes, her mouth stretching into a yawn.

He sighed as he looked at her. There was plenty going on, but Aly wasn't the one that needed to tell him. "You sleepy?" he asked, bringing his hand up to brush the hair away from her face.

She nodded.

"Here." Billy folding up his jacket and pressed it against the wooden arm of the hospital chair. "You can use this for a pillow," he said softly.

"Thank you," Aly said softly, smiling up at him. "Can you tell me a story?"

"A story? Sure…I can do that. You want three little pigs? Red Riding Hood? Hansel and Gretel?"

"Do you know the story Mommy tells? The one about my Daddy?"

For a moment he'd swear his heart stopped. Words wouldn't form and he struggled to get breath into his body.

"Do you?" Aly's little voice rang out again and Billy shook his head a bit.

"I don't think so," he said softly. "Why don't you tell it to me so I can know it for later."

Aly yawned again. "Okay. It doesn't really have an ending though cause Mommy says there isn't an ending yet."

He closed his eyes at the truth in those simple words as he ran his fingers through her soft, dark hair again. "That's okay," he said. "Just start at the beginning."

"Well, there's a princess and a prince and…."

"Aly…" Billy looked down, smiling as he saw the steady rise and fall of her chest.

Carefully he scooted her back onto the makeshift pillow and stood, walking over to the swinging doors. He needed answers and he needed them now. He pushed the door slightly.

"Ms. Summers I completely understand your hesitancy regarding the chemo in conjunction with the radiation, but quite frankly I'm not sure you have the luxury of waiting…" the doctor said, his tone serious and foreboding.

"Avery." Billy's voice echoed through the room.

"Billy." Phyllis turned, for a moment unsure of what, if anything, he'd heard. Then, mere seconds after looking into his eyes, she no longer had any doubt. He'd heard it all. Billy knew.

"Why don't I give you some time to discuss this," the doctor said, excusing himself and walking from the room."

"Where's Aly?" Avery asked.

"She's asleep in the waiting room," Billy said, his eyes never leaving Phyllis. "You need to go sit with her." He was no longer asking. Common courtesy wasn't on his priority list. The only thing that mattered at the moment was talking to her, asking her the questions he needed to ask, and getting the answers he needed to hear.

"Billy, I'm not really sure now is the best…"

It was Phyllis who spoke next, her voice surprisingly strong and calm. "Avery, it's okay. It is. I need to do this now. It's time."

Avery nodded as she quickly leaned down to kiss her cheek. "I'll be right outside if you need me she said softly." She walked by Billy, stopping as she brushed past him. "Please," she whispered, "Just go easy."

"Avery," he sighed.

She nodded. "I know… I know you will."

He stood quietly for a moment, waiting until Avery was out of the room to approach her. "I've been talking to Aly outside," he said softly, unable to keep from touching her as he hand lay there. She looked so small and fragile in that bed, especially knowing what he now knew. "She's worried about you."

The tears came to her eyes immediately and he instinctively reached up to wipe them away.

"You don't have to do that," she whispered. "That's not your job."

"It still feels like it is." His eyes studied hers for a minute. He shook his head as he studied her eyes, the once bright happy orbs were now filled with sadness and fear and he'd do anything to make that go away. The questions and answers were no longer so important and he now simply wanted to make it better—at any cost.

"I know you have questions," Phyllis said finally, the silence becoming too much for her to take.

Billy shook his head, his hand resting in the space between her shoulder and her neck. His voice was a mere whisper as he looked at her. "We don't have to talk about that now. We have plenty of time."

"What if we don't, Billy. What if there is no more time?" The wall finally fell and the dam broke, her body shaking with sobs. He was the one person she could always trust and now, knowing he was here, she knew she could finally fall apart. She had tried to be strong for Avery, for Aly, for herself, but she didn't have to be strong for him. With him, she could simply fall…

He wrapped his arms around her, gently rocking her back and forth. The questions in his mind still lingered but the biggest one at the moment was—What if she's right…what if there is no more time?


	7. Chapter 7

She wasn't sure how long she'd sat there, just allowing herself to be silent in the reverie of his arms. The inevitability of the questions loomed in her mind and she couldn't help but think back to the words of the doctor from just moments ago…

 _"_ _But that isn't what you said earlier—just a few weeks ago even…You're the one that said it would be okay to start out with the radiation. You said we could see how things looked after six weeks and then decide on the surgery. You said we might be able to avoid chemo altogether. You said…"_

 _"_ _Ms. Summers."_

 _It was the look in his eyes that frightened her the most. It wasn't a look of frustration or irritation. It was a look of compassion—almost pity and she found herself swallowing hard to keep from screaming as he stepped closer to her._

 _"_ _I understand that this seems like a very drastic change of course and in all honesty, it is. It's very difficult to predict how the body will respond in situations like this, but the good news is we know now that the radiation isn't working as we'd hoped. We know it and we can approach things another way. I recommend we start aggressively. Chemotherapy in conjunction with the radiation is the best chance we have to prevent the spread of the disease and perhaps shrink the tumor so surgery can be the least invasive."_

 _Avery stepped closer to the bed. "But your recommendation regarding surgery—it's still the same?"_

 _"_ _Surgery is a very personal decision, but in my professional opinion, yes—especially in a case like this where we already have seen some evidence of lymph node involvement."_

 _Phyllis averted her eyes. She couldn't think about all this right now. It was simply too much. The doctor touched her arm lightly. "You have some time to consider that," he said quietly. "For now, we need to discuss when you'd like to begin treatments."_

She felt Billy shift, pulling back a bit, his arms still looped around her. She braced herself, waiting though not at all ready for the barrage of questions.

His hand moved up to softly touch her face. "You have cancer?" His voice broke as he said the words, the sound of them as they echoed through the room an affront to his senses. Phyllis was too vibrant, too alive, too much a part of his life and his world to ever face something like this. In his mind she was almost immortal, untouchable—until now. He shook his head. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Her eyes fluttered closed for a moment. "You weren't here," she whispered.

"I am now. I was here last night. I was here this morning. Why wouldn't you tell me this?"

This was what she'd been trying to avoid—exactly this. The look in his eyes that said he'd never walk away…not even for a second. No matter how good it felt to be in his arms, she had no intention of becoming an obligation. That was never what she'd wanted. "I think you're making way too big a deal out of this, Billy."

"That argument would hold a lot more weight if you weren't making it in a hospital bed," he scoffed. "Besides, don't try to talk your way out of this. I heard what the doctor was saying. They don't suggest chemo and radiation unless you're dealing with something serious…so be real with me here. How bad is it?"

"It's not bad. It's not. It's just…they want to be cautious and so do I. I mean I have a daughter to raise…I have to make sure I'm here for her."

"Don't you mean _we_ have a daughter?"

Time seemed to stop and the air in the room grew still. She heard everything, her breath, her heartbeat, the ticking of the clock on the wall….She knew she had to respond though she had no clue what to say. Her eyes immediately glossed over with tears as she stared at him. "What?" she managed, her voice a hoarse whisper.

Billy sighed. "Come on, Phyllis. It's pretty obvious. This isn't the time or the place for this discussion, so I don't need the explanation and I'm not here to berate you…I swear. I just want to know. Just a simple answer, okay? Yes or no."

The breath shook in her chest as she swallowed the sob and she nodded as tears ran down her cheek. "I.. I…" She felt him take her hand and she looked up, surprised to see his eyes staring into hers.

"No," he said softly. "I meant what I said. We don't have to talk about that right now. That's not important. The only thing I care about right now is making sure that you're okay…and since we're telling the truth at the moment, why don't you give me another honest answer. What did the doctor really say?"

Phyllis turned. She couldn't bear to look into his eyes. The earnest expression was simply too much and, in truth, she also feared they could sometimes see into her soul.

"Hey." Billy's soft voice sent a chill through her and she felt his warm hand on her face, gently easing her back towards him. "You need to know that I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be here for Aly. She won't ever be alone and I want to be here for you too if you'll let me."

"You don't have to do that. I already told you…it's not that bad.." She heard the exasperated sigh.

"Then why would you say we might not have time?"

"I just meant you would be heading back to Genoa City…that's all."

He stood up, running his hands across his face in obvious frustration. Everything in him wanted to scream, but he couldn't. He was angry, but it wasn't so much with her as it was with the situation. His eyes glanced over to the door, where he saw Avery pass by. Moving back to the bed, he sat back down, his eyes locking on hers once more. "Aly said you had to go to the big hospital and that when she went to see you, she had to wear a gown and a mask."

Billy watched as her eyes filled with tears. His instinct was to stop, to comfort her, to do whatever it took to take the pain away, but he couldn't this time. This time he needed her to understand the importance of telling him the truth. "She said that it was really scary until Aunt Avery told her it was just like Halloween. She wants to know if the same thing is going to happen this time, Phyllis and I don't know what to tell her." He paused for a moment, before leaning in a bit closer, "What should I tell her, Phyllis? What should I tell our daughter?"

"I don't want her to be scared," she whispered, finally looking up at him. "It's bad, Billy. It's really bad."

His heart broke as he heard the words. "I know you don't, but she's already scared. She's scared because she doesn't know what's going on and she's imagining the worst….just like I am."

Her breath caught. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I want to tell her. I want to tell her what's going on and I want to tell her that you're….that you're her father. I want her to know in case…"

Billy shook his head. Slowly he reached for her hands, taking them in his and squeezing them gently. He leaned down, pressing his lips against her forehead and backing away a bit before speaking. "You listen to me," he whispered, "We will talk to her and we will explain everything. We'll make sure she understands and we'll tell her that she has a mother and a father that will always be here to love her and take care of her."

Phyllis smiled, "Thank you."

"I'm not finished," he said softly, "But that doesn't give you any license to give up, do you hear me? Don't you dare give up. You are a fighter and so am I. I'll fight this right along with you, but you have to promise me that you're not going to back down." His eyes flashed as he stared at her. "Swear it."

"I swear." She felt his arms wrap around her as he pulled her against his chest again.


	8. Chapter 8

"You didn't have to do that you know." She stared at him as he walked quickly around the room, his eyes roaming every surface to make sure he'd taken care of everything she could possibly need. He turned towards her when he heard her voice.

"Do what?"

"Send Avery out with Aly...I know what you're trying to do and I appreciate it, but I'm not made of glass and you don't have to protect me from everything. Aly is my…" She stopped, the reality still seeming so foreign to her. "Aly is _our_ daughter and she deserves to know the truth."

Billy nodded, stepping closer to the bed and sitting down gently beside her. "Before we get into that, I should probably be honest with you."

Her heart immediately began to beat faster. Had she been wrong? Was Billy not okay with being involved in Aly's life? Had she completely misread the entire situation? "Billy," she said softly, "I'm not asking for anything…"

"No." The word rushed from his lips and his hand was warm as it touched her face gently. "No, it's nothing like that." His face softened as he stared into her eyes. The sight of her always melted him. There were times when they were apart that he used to close his eyes and try to remember exactly how it felt to look into those eyes. Seeing them now, he hadn't even come close once. "Being here with you and Aly, getting to know her, getting the chance to be a part of her life….it's everything I want and that's what I want to talk to you about." He shifted closer to her. "I really want to be involved in her life, Phyllis. I really want to know her. I don't want to drift in and out like my mother did with me. I want her to know that I'm a constant—especially now, especially with everything you're going through. I want to be here for you both. I want to be someone you both know you can count on."

"You are." The words were some of the most honest things she'd said in weeks. "If there's one thing I know…I know I can count on you. You've never let me down."

His gaze fell to the floor. "I did though. I haven't been here. You've done this alone and…"

"That wasn't your fault. I chose not to tell you. There's no way you could have known."

"I should have asked more questions. I should have pushed harder. Knowing what you've been going through on your own…"

"It was my decision, Billy….and again, I can't tell you enough how sorry I am…"

"Hey…" She felt his hand on hers. "I don't want to hear you apologize anymore, okay? You've already explained all of this and I get it. With everything you're dealing with right now, apologizing to me shouldn't even be on your list. I'm here to make things better for you. That's all I care about. I just want to help you and be here for you and for Aly….which brings me to my point."

She smiled weakly at him as she allowed her thumb to drift across the top of his fingertips. "Which is?"

"My moving in here.." Her reaction was immediate and he held up his hand to stop her. "Before you tell me all the reasons I shouldn't or that I don't have to, hear me out. You're going to need someone to help you and I'm pretty sure Avery already has a pretty full plate with everything at the law practice."

"But, Billy..still I…"

"You'd rather hire a nurse? Some stranger that'll come in here and try to give you a sponge bath?"

Phyllis narrowed her eyes a bit as she stared at him. Even in a situation like this, he could still make her smile. "Is that what this is about? Scoring sponge bath duty?"

He brought his hand to his chest in mock offense. "As if I would ever be so short sighted." He smiled, before continuing, "I've missed this."

"What?"

"Just sitting and talking with you, watching you smile—your smile lights up your entire face and you just haven't been doing a whole lot of it lately."

"I know," she said sadly. "And I hate it. I hate it for Aly. I don't want her to grow up and only remember her Mom being sick and tired all the time." She felt her eyes burning with the familiar sting of tears.

"She won't." He leaned forward, grabbing her hand and squeezing it in his. "You're strong and you're gonna beat this. We're gonna beat this together."

Hearing the words from his mouth, it was easy to fall into the dream with him, but reality still crept in on her, whispering in the back of her mind. She cleared her throat, her breath catching as she forced herself to give a voice to her darkest thoughts. "I really appreciate everything you're doing, Billy, but I just need to know…what about Victoria?"

He shook his head. "Like I told you earlier, Victoria and I were over before we ever even got started. We were trying to hold onto something that was dead and gone. I had no idea that's what you thought…I wish to God I'd known, but we can't change that now. What we can change is where we go from here. I know where I want to go. I know where I want to be. That's right here with you and Aly…if you'll have me."

She took a deep breath unable to keep the smile from spreading across her face as she looked at him. "Alright," she said quietly, "I guess we can at least give it a try." She chuckled as he gave a small cheer and leaned in towards her, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. For a moment, he lingered close to her, the feeling of her body so close to his a poignant reminder of what they once shared.

"Mommy!"

Aly's voice rang out through the apartment. Billy jerked back, standing from the bed and straightening his shirt as the little girl bounded into the room. "Aunt Avery and I got pizza," she chirped happily, "And I got extra cheese!"

Phyllis smiled, "You did?"

Aly glanced over at Billy. "You're still here?"

"Aly!" Phyllis hissed. "That's not very polite."

"I wasn't trying to be rude, Mommy. I just didn't know Billy was staying over tonight, that's all." She turned to look back at Billy. "I can show you the spare bedroom, if you want."

Billy smiled. "That would be very nice, Aly. Thank you."

He took her small hand, his heart swelling again at the feeling of his daughter's hand in his and walked from the room with her by his side.

Avery stepped over to the bed quickly. "What is going on?" she asked in hushed tones.

Phyllis shook her head. "I know…I know what you're thinking, but I can't send him away, Avery."

Avery's eyes widened. "So he's seriously staying here? With you and Aly? In the apartment?"

"We're just going to see how it goes."

"I can tell you how it'll go." Avery's eyebrows raised as she flashed her sister a quick smile, before sighing and turning more serious. "I'm sorry," she said more solemnly, "I am…I know you're going through a lot here and if he can make it easier for you then I'm all for it." She looked around the room, noting Billy had already taken care of everything. "Do you need me to do anything for you?"

"No," Phyllis said honestly, "I think he's taken care of everything….and actually I think we're going to try and tell Aly the truth tonight, so…"

"Oh…got it." Avery walked closer to the bed and leaned down, wrapping her sister in her arms. "You know I love you, right?"

Phyllis nodded. "Love you too."

* * *

Phyllis leaned back against the headboard of the small twin bed. Aly snuggled up under her arm. "Alright sweet girl," she whispered, "Which book tonight?"

Billy stood, watching them from the doorway with a smile. It was late and they were all tired. There was no reason the truth couldn't wait until tomorrow morning.

"The princess story." Aly looked up, spotting Billy in the doorway. She turned back to her mother. "And Billy stays too because he doesn't know it and it's such a good story."

"Oh, baby. I don't think Billy wants to hear a bedtime story tonight," she breathed, her heart pounding in her chest.

"Uh huh," Aly countered. "He asked me to tell it to him in the hospital when we were waiting for you but I was sleepy and I didn't get to tell it, but you can tell him, right Mommy?" Aly turned her head, her eyes following Billy as he walked further into the room, now taking a seat in the small chair beside her bed. "It's a story about my Daddy," she said pointedly, "This is his shirt too. I wear it every night…except when Mommy has to wash it."

Billy swallowed hard. "Is that right? Well, it sounds like I really need to hear this story, huh?"

Phyllis met his gaze and he nodded towards her. "Okay," she whispered, "Once upon a time in a town not too far from here there was a princess who lost her way home. She was very sad and very scared and she felt all alone. One night there was a big, fancy party and the whole town was supposed to be there, but the princess knew there was another person in town that was just as sad as she was. She decided to go try and help. When she found her friend, he was still very sad, but she helped him get dressed so that he could go to the party with her. But, before they went, he wanted to give her a surprise. He showed her his brand new castle."

Billy interrupted, "Only it wasn't quite a new castle, it was just new to him. This castle hadn't been lived in for quite a while, so it needed a little bit of cleaning and decorating."

Phyllis smiled, meeting his gaze across the bed. "Right," she whispered, "While the princess was talking to her friend she realized there was a big storm outside and a tree had blocked their path. There was no way they could leave. They were trapped in the castle."

"The tree knocked down all the power lines too," Billy said softly, "so there were no lights or phones and the only way to keep warm was to build a fire."

"So they built a fire and they talked and they laughed and the princess realized she could talk to him and he would listen and he cared about how she felt. By the end of their talk, she didn't feel so alone anymore. And then she kissed him and when she did she knew he wasn't just some friend she could talk to….he was her prince. And from then on, he became the only person she felt safe with, the only person she go be herself with…." Phyllis watched as Billy nodded slowly, his voice cracking a bit as he picked up where she left off…

"And the prince knew that what he wanted most was a life with her…"

Aly's eyes traveled back and forth between them slowly. She stopped on Billy for a moment. "But I thought you didn't know the story," she asked, her tiny brow furrowed in confusion.

Billy smiled as he glanced over at Phyllis who nodded. "I didn't think I did," he whispered, reaching out to brush the hair away from her face, "but it turns out I do know this story…quite well actually. I know a lot about the princess and about the little town now far from here which is actually called Genoa City and I lived in that castle…." He watched as her eyes widened a bit.

"Mommy?" She leaned towards her, her voice a loud whisper, "I think Billy might be the prince in your story."

Phyllis laughed, feeling a tear escape her eye. "I think you might be right," she said softly. "You remember the other thing about the story, right? Who the story is about?"

"My Daddy," Aly said quietly, her eyes drifting back toward Billy slowly, before turning back towards Phyllis.

"Yeah." Phyllis opened her mouth to speak, but her voice failed her. Her hand trembled as she reached up to touch her daughter's face. "Billy is your Daddy, sweetheart."

"He is?"

It could have been the innocence in the question or perhaps the light in her eyes—either one would have been understandable, but he no longer had any control of the tears that streamed down his face.

Aly reached up, her hand touching his face as she softly brushed the tears away. "Don't you want to be my Daddy?" she asked, slight concern in her voice.

He breathed out quickly. "Oh, yes…I do. Very much I do. I'm not crying because I'm sad. I'm crying because I'm just so happy and…I guess that sounds kind of silly, doesn't it?"

"It really does," Aly said bluntly.

Billy glanced over at Phyllis. "She got that from you."

Phyllis laughed, the first true unadulterated joy she'd felt in years.

"Can you stay here tonight?" Aly asked, her eyes still a bit wary, as if she was worried she might be asking too much.

Billy leaned in, pulling her into his arms and squeezing her tight. "You won't be able to keep me away," he whispered.


	9. Chapter 9

Phyllis peered through the slightly open door before turning back towards Billy. "I think that went pretty well," she whispered.

He nodded. "Yeah. I think so."

She watched him intently for a moment, the look in his eyes familiar to her. There was something he wanted to say but, for whatever reason he was hesitating. "What?" She smiled as she saw his eyes widen slightly, surprised at being so easily read. "I happen to know you pretty well too you know."

His face relaxed into a warm smile.

"So what is it? I can tell there's something you want to say or ask. Go ahead..it's the least I can do."

"No." He reached out, letting his hand fall gently against her shoulder. Every chance he got, he found an excuse to touch her—as if touching her now and being close to her now could somehow erase all the months he missed with her. "You need your rest. We can talk tomorrow. Why don't I help you get settled in?"

"Are you kidding?" The puff of breath left her lips and she smiled at his reaction. "There's no way I'm getting any sleep right now. In fact, I was heading into the kitchen to make some tea—you want to join me?"

"I'll make you a deal…how about you let me make the tea?"

She exhaled, nodding slowly as she stepped into line behind him and headed towards the kitchen. It was amazing how quickly everything came back, the feelings, the chemistry, the ease of being together. Even after months and years without so much as a phone call, it felt like they had barely been apart. She took a seat on the bar stool as she watched him fill the kettle with water and place it on the stove. He dried his hands on the towel that hung on the stove, his fingertips fidgeting with the frayed edges. She grinned. "You gonna keep doing that or you gonna tell me what's on your mind?"

Billy turned towards her and exhaled. "It's just…" He swallowed hard, the emotion threatening to overtake him once again. "I just didn't know you told her about me. I didn't know she knew about me."

Phyllis looked down at the countertop, not able to meet his gaze. "Yeah," she whispered, "I uh…I second guessed myself a lot about that. I guess I just..I wanted her to know that she had a father and that she wasn't some mistake. That she came from something good—something real." She looked up at him, surprised by the look in his eyes. He had every right to be angry with her, to blame her for cheating him out of time with his daughter, but she saw none of those emotions reflected in his gaze.

Her head shook slightly as she took a breath, the words now finally falling from her lips. "Why are being so nice to me?"

"What? Why would you say that?"

She'd asked the question over and over again in her mind but the logical side of her had always managed to shut herself up before she actually audibly said the words. She'd convinced herself it was better to not rock the boat, to leave well enough alone, to let Billy deal with things and process things in his own way—in his own time, but she couldn't handle it any more. She couldn't sit around and wait for the other shoe to fall. It was as if she spent her days walking on eggshells. Every time he opened his mouth, she questioned if this would be the moment all hell would break loose. She still heard the silence and realized he was waiting on her answer. "I guess I just expected you to be angry…what I did…or rather what I didn't do. I kept your daughter from you…"

"Phyllis." Billy walked around to the other side of the counter, sitting down on the stool beside her and turning his body to face hers. "I'd be lying if I said I was happy about it, but I get why you felt you needed to do this. I get what you were thinking and, in all honesty, I'm so grateful that I get the chance to be here now." He smiled as he reached for her hand. "I can be here with you and Aly. I can get to know my daughter…I don't know…I guess there's not a whole lot of room for anger right now."

"Speaking of that." She closed her eyes for a moment, the thought of the next topic was overwhelming. "We're going to have to tell Aly about this..about the cancer."

She felt him squeeze her hand a little tighter. "When I was sick before, she was younger you know and she didn't really understand. She just knew I had to be away sometimes and she knew she had to wear masks, but this time…." Her eyes filled with tears as she looked up at him. "She's so smart and she's going to understand more of what's going on. The last thing I want is for her to be scared."

"Shh," he whispered, his hand resting softly against her neck as she leaned against it. "We'll be here for her and we'll explain. We'll tell her the truth—that you're sick, but that the doctors are going to help you. That's the truth and that's what we'll tell her." He brushed the hair away from her face as he stared into her eyes, the worry still evident there. "No matter what, you just need to know that I'll be here. I'll be her for Aly…whatever she needs and I'll be here for you."

"You know Billy, you can spend as much time with Aly as you want, but I don't you to feel like we're some kind of package deal. I appreciate you staying here. I do, but the last thing I want is to be some sort of obligation and…"

There was a flash of confusion in his eyes matched only by a flicker of pain. "Obligation? Phyllis, why would you think that? Did I do something or say something to make you feel that way—because if I did…"

"No. No you didn't. I just…This is way more than you bargained for, isn't it? You got a phone call from a little girl which was crazy enough and then you show up on my doorstep and find out that you've got this child you knew nothing about, but surprise she comes with a cancer stricken mother…I mean it's a lot and I can understand how you'd feel like you needed to stick around and make sure I'm taken care of, but Avery has…"

"Avery doesn't love you the way I do!" He shocked even himself as the words flew from his mouth before his brain had time to catch up. The surprise in her eyes made him regret them only for a second and only long enough for him to take a breath before continuing. "That really isn't the way I wanted to say that," he whispered, reaching to take her hand again, "but it doesn't make the words any less true. I love you every bit as much as I did all those years ago—maybe more and I'm not here because I feel like I should be. I'm here because I want to be. I'm here because I need to be. I'm here because for the first time in so long, I don't feel like my head and my heart are competing." He lifted his hand to her face to gently wipe away the tears that slowly fell. "I know you're scared. I am too, but I promise you—whatever happens, you're not doing this alone."

"Mommy?" Phyllis straightened as she heard Aly's voice calling.

"I better go check on her," she said quickly, as she slid off the barstool. Her heart beat faster in her chest as she moved away from him. Hearing those words from him and being so close to him made her feel things she hadn't felt in years and it had been so long since she'd even allowed herself to miss them.

"Hey sweet girl," she whispered as she stepped into the dimly lit room. "What are you doing still awake?"

Aly rubbed her eyes as she blinked slowly up at Phyllis who looked back to see Billy standing behind her.

"I couldn't sleep," Aly said softly. "My mind was too busy."

Phyllis smiled. "Well what's it being too busy about?"

"The story," she said, her eyes widening a bit. "Before when you told the story you said it didn't have an ending yet, but tonight you told it and it kinda ended."

"Yeah," Phyllis said with a slight sigh as she sat down on the edge of the bed. "I guess it did, but that's because you know who the Prince is now, right? And he's here, so the story has an ending." She looked back at Billy who nodded and smiled.

"But it's not the good ending," Aly protested.

"What's the good ending?" Billy asked, confused.

"All the best stories end with Happily Ever After." Aly turned towards Phyllis, her eyes so sincere it made her heart ache. "Does this one?"

One look at her and he knew she was rendered speechless. Billy knelt down beside the bed. "Hey Aly—I make you a promise, okay? I will do everything I can to make sure the story has a happy ending. How's that?"

Aly smiled, her eyes lighting up.

"But you have to do something for me too."

"What?"

"You've got to close your eyes and try really hard to go to sleep," he said softly.

"Okay," she said, reaching out and taking his hand in hers. She closed her eyes and he smiled, standing up and turning as he saw her eyes fly open again. "You'll still be here when I wake up, right?"

Billy leaned down. "You listen to me. I promise you, I am never leaving you again. No matter what happens, your Mommy and I will always be here for you and we will always love you and do everything we can to make sure you are happy and safe." He pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. "Sleep tight." He watched her for a moment before he stepped out of the door, finding Phyllis standing in the hallway.

"I think she's going to be okay now," he said softly.

"How could you do that?" she said, her eyes filled with tears.

"Do what?" He followed her as she walked quickly towards the kitchen, pulling the kettle off the stove and tossing it into the sink. "Phyllis, wait. Do what?"

"Promise her that we'd always be here for her. You have no idea what kind of news I might get at the doctors tomorrow and yet you walk in our daughter's room and promise her that she'll always have us in her life. What if that can't happen, Billy? What if I can't always be there? What if?..." She drew a quick breath in and gripped the counter as she felt her legs give way.

"Easy," Billy hissed, scooping her up and bringing her into the living room. He eased her onto the couch, his hands immediately on her face as he knelt down beside her. "Phyllis," he said, his voice soft but urgent. "Phyllis, can you hear me?"

Her head bobbed and she opened her eyes. "Yeah," she whispered. "Yeah, I'm okay. I'm alright. It's just…" She closed her eyes. "Everything's spinning."

Billy sat on the couch beside her. "Here," he said, pulling her against him and allowing her back to lean against his chest. "Just take some nice, slow breaths and relax."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry I lost it on you like that. The anger—it isn't meant for you…I'm just…"

"It's alright." His hands rubbed her shoulders gently as he watched her. "I just want to help and I'll do whatever I can. If what you need is someone to scream at in the middle of the night, I'm your guy. I can take it." He felt her breathing ease as she relaxed against him. "Better?" he asked, smiling slightly as he felt her nod.

"I know this is hard for you and I know how much you hate to relinquish control, but this time I don't know that you have too much of a choice. And as far as me being here, I'm so grateful to have another chance. When you left Genoa City, I was afraid I'd never see you again and I can't tell you how many nights I would lie awake wondering where you were and what you were doing. I would dream about what I might say if I ever got one more chance to talk to you again. Did you ever think about that?" He waited for a moment. "Phyllis?" He moved slightly, glancing at her face, seeing her eyes closed and feeling the gentle rise and fall of her chest.

Billy leaned forward, grabbing the throw from the back of the couch and gently spreading it over her. Tonight he could think of nowhere else he'd rather be.


	10. Chapter 10

Phyllis sat up slowly, rolling her neck a bit to try and combat the knots that seemed to run through her shoulders. Her eyes traveled around the room as she stood on her feet, not wanting to call out for him, but simultaneously needing to know he was still there. She heard a noise from the kitchen and followed it, standing there silently in the threshold for a moment before speaking.

"What on earth are you doing?" She giggled a bit at his startled expression as he turned around to face her.

"Sorry," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to wake you." He breathed in in preparation for an exasperated sigh. "Well, I was trying to make some kind of breakfast here, but you don't make it easy for a guy. When's the last time you've gone to the grocery store?"

She scrunched up her face. "Yeah, I normally pick up food or order in room service. Perhaps I should have mentioned that." She walked closer to the stove, "But uh…I smell something. What have you got going here?"

"Pancakes," he said with a sigh. "You had flour and a few eggs and some milk surprisingly. And…" He reached into the counter, posturing as if he was presenting a treasure, "I even found syrup."

"Aly likes those frozen French toast sticks," she grinned. "You can microwave those."

"Well today she's having pancakes. She likes those, right?" He looked back at the stove, grateful to have something to distract him for a moment, the truth of the words hitting him a little harder ever time. Each time he had to ask the simple questions, the things he should know, it gripped his heart a little harder. He wanted to be here for her and yet he didn't even know her.

Phyllis took a slow breath, instantly sensing the change in mood. Her hand touched his shoulder lightly. "Yeah," she whispered. "She loves pancakes and she won't know what to do with homemade pancakes. I mean we get them at the diner near school sometimes, but I think I'd pretty much convinced her that you had to have one of those giant flat cooktops to cook them. You're gonna ruin my whole plan here."

Billy scoffed, turning back towards her and forcing a smile. "Yeah."

"Billy." He might be letting her off the hook with the anger, but he was still hurting and she knew it—she could sense it. "You'll learn all these things you know. And she's gonna be so crazy about you…"

His eyes burned as he smiled at her, more genuine this time. "I hope so. I really hope so."

"I know she will. I mean how could she not be…you're…."

The sound of Aly's frantic footsteps interrupted the moment and Phyllis smiled as she watched her daughter rush into the room.

"Morning, Mommy," she whispered, wrapping her arms around Phyllis' waist and looking up at Billy with a sleepy smile. Her eyes slowly trailed over to the stove. "Whatcha doing?"

Billy grinned. "I'm making pancakes. I thought maybe we could sit down and have some breakfast before your Aunt Avery picked you up for school today. How does that sound?"

Aly nodded happily. "Can I set the table?"

"Of course," Phyllis replied, helping her by handing her the mats and utensils. She waited until Aly had scampered off into the dining area before turning back towards Billy. "God I hate to do this to her. She's so happy. I hate to tell her something like this."

Billy shook his head. "Hey," he whispered, his hand finding its familiar spot between her neck and shoulder. "We're not going to ruin anything for her. We're just telling her the truth. You're going to be fine. There's no reason for her to be upset about anything we say today."

* * *

Phyllis glanced over at Billy as Aly silently chewed another bite of pancake before taking a drink from her glass of milk. "Aly," she said, leaning in a bit closer to her, "Do you understand what Mommy means? You know that this means Mommy may look sick sometimes and she might not feel like playing sometimes?"

Aly nodded.

She opened her mouth to speak again but Billy reached out, touching her hand gently and stopping her. "You know it's okay to be scared, Aly. Everybody gets scared sometimes, but the important thing for you to know is we're gonna be here for you. Your Mommy has really good doctors and they're gonna give her some medicine that will make her better. Okay?"

Aly nodded again.

"Aly," Phyllis said, becoming a bit concerned by the small child's non-reaction. "Baby, is there anything you want to ask me? It's okay if you're worried." She ran her hands down the hair that fell across her back.

"I'm not worried, Mommy," Aly replied, looking her in the eyes.

"Well, that's good," Phyllis whispered, glancing at Billy who sat behind her with a bit of a confused expression.

"Yeah," Billy added, "We're glad you aren't worried, but if you were it would be okay and we'd want you to talk to us about it, okay?"

Aly turned back towards Billy. "It's gonna be okay." She took a breath, clearly exasperated she had to explain something that should be so obvious. "See, you're the prince and Mommy is the princess and in the stories the prince always saves the princess in the end, so Mommy will be okay, right?"

Billy opened his mouth but Aly was already scampering from the room, her little voice calling out as she left. "I've got to get my backpack. Aunt Avery will be here soon."

Phyllis shook her head. "I don't even know what to say to that," she whispered.

"Yeah, I…" Billy looked at her. "I wish I had that kind of power. You know if I did…"

She felt the tears sting at her eyes. "I know."

"Morning!" Avery's voice rang out from the living room and Phyllis stood, turning to greet her sister with a hug.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Good morning, Billy." Avery nodded in his direction as she tilted her head towards Aly's room. "Where's the little one? She usually meets me at the door?"

"I don't know." Phyllis glanced back at Billy. "She trotted out of here a few minutes ago saying she was going to get her backpack but she didn't come back out. She's probably playing or something. Let me go check."

Phyllis headed towards the bedroom as Billy followed. She stopped as she saw the door was closed. She knocked, her brow furrowed in confusion. "She never closes the door," she said softly, her eyes finding Billy's quickly. "Maybe she was more upset than we realized.

"Aly," Billy called. "Hey…You okay in there?"

"Aly," Avery called out. "Hey sweetie. I'm here to take you to school. You don't want to be late, do you?"

Phyllis watched as the door opened slowly and Aly walked out, her eyes fixed on the ground. "Hey baby, what's the matter?"

"Nothing," she whispered, shaking her head as she walked towards Avery.

"I know better than that. What's that in your hand?" Phyllis stepped over towards her, reaching for the yellow flyer that Aly gripped in her tiny fist.

She skimmed the fancy typed font as her eyes fluttered closed. "Oh," she whispered, handing the flyer to Avery who nodded and passed the flyer to Billy. "I forgot about this."

Avery glanced at Phyllis. "You know what, I'm going to walk out in the hallway a minute. I have some phone calls I need to make. I'm just gonna give you three a few…" She nodded as her sister silently mouthed her thanks.

Billy looked over at Phyllis, his eyes already wet with tears.

"Come here." She walked hand in hand with her into the living room, sitting on the couch and gesturing for Billy to sit as well. "You want to tell me why you're so upset?"

Aly's eyes raised to meet hers and she was struck at just how much she reminded her of Billy in that moment. The child held every emotion in those eyes—just like her Daddy did. "You said I could go in late tomorrow…that we would do something special, so I wouldn't have to be the only one there without…" Her voice trailed off as she let her eyes wander over to Billy.

"I know," Phyllis whispered, "I remember."

"But you've got to go get your medicine so you can't and…"

"Well," Phyllis swallowed hard, hoping she could get through this. "Maybe there's still a way you don't have to be the only one there by yourself," she smiled. She leaned in close to the little girl and carefully pointed towards Billy.

Aly's eyes lit up. She turned towards him. "Do you want to?" she asked, the question and vulnerability in her voice nearly breaking him.

"Of course," Billy sighed. "I'd love to. It'll be our first official Donuts for Dads, right?"

Aly grew quite again, her eyes quizzical. "What's wrong?" Billy muttered, afraid he'd said something wrong.

"Is it okay if I call you that?" Her voice was almost a whisper as she slowly looked up at him. "I mean…not in front of everybody if you don't want me to, but just here..just for us."

"Oh, Aly," His voice broke as tears fell down his face without reprieve.

"It's okay." She looked away, her tiny voice defeated. "I don't have to. It was silly."

"No. No." He reached out, grapping her small hand in his. "You can call me whatever you like, but I would be incredibly proud if you want to call me your Daddy."

Aly looked back at Phyllis whose face also bore fresh tears. She smiled and giggled a little. "You two cry a lot."

"Maybe a hug would help." Phyllis held out her arms and pulled her daughter in close to her. She smiled at Billy who still wiped away the tears that continued to fall. Looking down, she felt Aly pull away and watched with interest as her little head turned back towards Billy. "You can hug too, if you want."

Billy smiled, scooting closer to the couch and reaching his arms around them, pulling them both close. For now, he had everything and it was all okay. Everything he loved, everything he needed was right there—in his arms.


	11. Chapter 11

"They said it would be a few hours at least." Phyllis walked over to the chair in the corner. "I can just call you when I'm finished or I can get Avery to pick me up. Whatever works best."

"What are you talking about?" Billy took a seat beside the recliner in a chair that looked decidedly less comfortable. "I told you I'd be right by your side during this and that's exactly where I plan to be." He patted the seat as he sat down. "You're not getting rid of me this easy."

"Billy—You don't have to stay for this though. I mean it's just going to be hours of me sitting here with this thing in my arm and there's nothing you can do."

"We can talk. I can help you pass the time." He smiled as she sighed and sat down in the recliner beside him. "We used to talk all the time..about everything, remember that?"

"Yeah." Her voice was hushed, almost blissful as she stared at him. "I remember." She couldn't help but see past him, her eyes falling on the many different people who also sat in the beige reclining chairs. As soon as she'd walked in the room she'd noticed the difference—the marked change in those that were new to this world and those that had been here many times before.

He'd seen it too, she'd noticed his shoulders tense as he walked beside her, his eyes lingering just a moment too long on the gaunt faces of the men and women who had clearly spent far too much time in these chairs. As much as she appreciated his support, this wasn't how she wanted him to see her.

She forced a smile as the nurse walked over to the monitor, pressing buttons and allowing the machine to begin.

Billy watched as her chest rose and fell with a deep sigh. "You okay?" he whispered, reaching for her hand.

All she could muster was a nod. At the moment, she had no answer.

* * *

"So I talked to Mom and everything's going well back home with Brash and Sassy. In the next few weeks, she's going to send me some new ad mock ups and I'll look them over and get back with her. I've explained the situation and we've worked it out so I can do phone conferencing or Skype."

"That's great," Phyllis muttered, her mind clearly elsewhere.

Billy stopped, realizing for the first time in nearly an hour that her contributions to the conversation had consisted of one word responses and nods. "Phyllis?" He waited until she looked over towards him. "What's going on? You're not the silent type."

Her eyes burned but she closed them, willing the tears back. She wouldn't be that person—the one that cried over everything. She needed to maintain some shred of dignity. "I just…" She could hear it in her own voice, the tremble, the vulnerability, everything she hated for others to see in her. "I don't want you to see me like this," she said quietly, her breath exiting her lips in a broken sigh.

"See you like what?"

"Like this!" She held up her arm, the IV hanging off her. "I don't want you to have to watch what's going to happen. It's not…"

"Stop," he whispered, "You don't know anything for sure. Not everyone reacts the same way."

"Even so.." She shook her head. "Even if it isn't the worst case scenario I'm not going to be the woman I was. Aly won't have a mother like the one she knows and…" She felt the tears begin to stream down her cheeks. "Damn," she hissed, feeling his hands on her face almost immediately.

"Whatever happens, we'll handle it. I promise." He sighed as he gently stroked her face, his heart breaking as he watched the tough exterior he'd come to count on crumbling in front of him. "You don't need to worry about me or Aly, do you hear me? The only thing I want you thinking about is getting better, staying strong, staying positive…that's all you need to focus on." He saw the faraway look in her eyes and he leaned in closer to her, narrowing his eyes in a sense of playful demand. "You got it?"

She giggled, forever amazed at his ability to make anything better. "Ok," she said softly, "Maybe I'll just close my eyes for a bit."

Billy shook his head. "That's a good idea. I'll be right here." He watched as she shifted a bit, pulling the throw he'd brought with them up over her arms. Slowly he shifted as well, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Carefully he typed onto the screen and swallowed hard as the search results came up. In his mind, he knew these things, but somehow seeing them in print made it all the more real.

He felt his own eyes begin to burn with the threat of tears as his skimmed the pages of results with words such as appetite loss, nausea, vomiting, skin sensitivity, depression, mood changes, hair loss, fatigue, increased risk of infection glaring at him as he moved across the screen.

Billy took a deep breath before closing the window and shoving the phone back into his pocket. Gently he reached for her hand, shocked by how cold she felt. He leaned in closer to her and silently prayed she'd be one of the lucky ones.

* * *

Billy reached into the microwave, pulling the bowl of popcorn down onto the counter. He smiled down at Aly as she stood at his side. "What do you think? Should we add butter?"

Aly nodded happily and giggled as he drizzled butter across the top layer of the popcorn. She carefully took the bowl from his hand.

"You go get set in the living room, okay? I'm gonna go check on Mom."

He waited until Aly scampered off before heading down the hall. "Hey." She stood, dressed in a sweatshirt and faded flannel lounge pants as she smiled up at him.

"What? Did I miss the memo or something?" she teased. "Was this a black tie affair?"

"No," he breathed, struck by how she managed to look stunning in absolutely anything. "I just wanted to make sure…" He glanced back into the kitchen, making sure Aly was out of earshot. "Are you sure you feel up to this?"

"Billy…" She sighed as she swept her hair up in her hands, pulling it into a messy updo and securing it with a clip. "I told you…I feel fine."

"And you'd tell me if you didn't." He stared deep into her eyes and narrowed his suspiciously. "You swear you would."

She grinned. "I swear. I just want to spend time with Aly because I might not always feel this good and I want to make sure I'm making the most of all the time I…." Her voice faded as she realized the truth of her words.

"You're gonna have lots of time," he whispered, putting his arm around her, his every instinct screaming to pull her close to him. He sighed when he felt her relent and allow him to wrap his arms around her, his lips pressing against her temple. "We both are."

* * *

"Can I pick the movie?" Aly popped off the couch as she saw the two of them enter the room.

Phyllis glanced over at Billy as she nodded and watched Aly bound off into the other room. "I'm gonna warn you now," she whispered, "It's gonna be a princess that's trapped in a castle, or a princess that's in love with a beast, or a princess that has a spell cast on her…Either way, you're gonna be watching a princess."

Billy smiled as he settled down next to her on the couch, his eyes trained on Phyllis as Aly scampered back into the room. "I already am," he said softly.

Aly held the DVD in her hand.

"You remember how to do it?" Phyllis watched as she took the remote from her and carefully inserted the disk. She jumped on the couch, surprising them both when she wedged herself in the middle of them.

"Cause I want to sit beside both of you," she smiled.

Phyllis felt her heart beat faster as she watched the image appear on the screen. "Aly, sweetie…what movie is this? Which one did you pick?"

"The movie about me," Aly said succinctly. "Daddy's never seen it."

Phyllis lunged for the remote, pressing all the buttons at once, sighing in relief as the screen flashed to blue.

"Mommy," Aly whined. "I wanted Daddy to see my movie."

"I know, baby, but…" She closed her eyes, cursing herself for reacting so badly. "It's just…that's not really the kind of movie we were gonna watch tonight, okay? How about you go get one of your princess movies okay?"

"But..I…"

"Aly," her voice was more stern as she said her name and Aly nodded.

"Okay, Mommy," she whispered.

Phyllis walked over to the desk, opening the drawer and sliding the disk inside. "I'm sorry about that," she whispered. "I didn't know she'd pick that…out of all the movies."

Billy opened his mouth to speak, but Aly came back in the room quickly, her arm raised in victory. "Beauty and the Beast," she declared, "Can we watch that one?"

"Of course we can." Phyllis quickly started the movie and walked back to the couch. She settled in beside Aly who looked up at smiled at her. Her hand stroked her hair gently as she thought of the moments from the disc. It was always her intention to show Billy—to allow him to experience that moment in the only way he could now, but somehow it wasn't the right time…not like this. His eyes watched her instead of the screen and she turned towards him for a moment, hoping he understood. His smile was gentle as he smiled back at her, his arm wrapped around their daughter, his hand gently brushing against hers as it lay across Aly's shoulders.

In these moments, she could truly believe—everything would be okay.

* * *

Billy gently lifted Aly off the couch, carrying her to her bed. Phyllis stepped over, pulling the covers up and lightly kissing her forehead. Sometimes it still took her breath that she'd been blessed with this child—that after everything she'd done in her life, after all the mistakes she'd made, she'd still been given this most incredible gift.

"She makes everything better," she said softly, as she stepped out of the room and softly pulled the door to a close.

"Yeah," Billy agreed she does. He looked at her, quiet for only a moment. "Is there anything you need me to do for you?"

"No. I'm fine. I think I'm going to turn in actually."

"Yeah. You've had a long day. You need to get your rest."

She hesitated, feeling a bit awkward. Today had been difficult and he'd been there in ways she'd never expected and never dreamed. They hadn't established what they were exactly and she was never sure exactly how to respond, but tonight she needed him to know how much she appreciated him….if nothing else. She stepped closer, stretching a bit to gently brush her lips against his cheek. "Thank you," she whispered, "for everything you did today, for everything you're doing with Aly, for coming here…for staying…" She stopped then, feeling the familiar emotions begin to take over. Her breath left her in a sigh as she swallowed the ball of emotion down. "Thank you," she whispered again.

He reached for her hand, bringing it up to his lips and carefully kissing it. "You never have to thank me. Sleep well, okay? Let me know if you need me. I'll be right down the hall."

Phyllis nodded as she watched him walk back towards the living room. She headed into the bedroom, hopeful that sleep would quiet her mind.

Billy walked over to the desk, opening the drawer and picking up the disk. He slowly walked towards the television and inserted it into the DVD player. This was something he needed to see.


	12. Chapter 12

He hit pause on the remote almost immediately, his heart pounding as his eyes struggled to focus on the image that filled the screen. Even knowing what the video was, even mentally understanding what he was about to see, nothing could have prepared him for the feelings that would almost overwhelm him as he stared at this. Someone else held the camera. He assumed it was Avery though he couldn't be sure. For a moment there was no sound, just a jerky picture that soon focused on her…her face. She smiled at the camera, though her eyes betrayed her. He could see the fear, the sadness, the fatigue, the worry….it was all there—hiding behind the brightest of smiles. Most people wouldn't notice, but he did.

He was so focused on the image that he could barely take his eyes off the screen. He drew in a deep breath and pressed resume. Completely enamored he watched every movement, not ever hearing the soft footsteps as she walked behind the couch and stood, watching the screen over his shoulder.

"I had Avery film it," she said softly, touching his shoulder lightly as she watching him jump violently. He turned around, his eyes apologetic.

"I'm sorry," he started, gesturing towards the television, "I shouldn't have…I just…"

She shook her head. "It's fine," she whispered. "That's why I did it…for you. I wanted you to be able to see it…at some point. I didn't know when it would happen or even for certain that it would, but I knew I wanted you to be able to see it…even if you weren't there…and I wanted you to know that I was thinking of you in that moment. That I thought enough to at least capture it so that you could see it now."

Billy turned back towards the screen, his mind reeling at the gravity of her words.

"I didn't expect it to happen now. But with everything…with the cancer…It's good," she whispered, "It's right that I can watch this with you and I can tell you about the night she was born. You deserve to know."

She walked over to the desk, sitting down in the chair that sat tucked underneath. It didn't seem right to sit down next to him—as if somehow she was interrupting a moment that should be completely his. She'd already had this moment to herself. He should have the chance to experience it. From this angle, she could barely see his face, but his eyes shone with tears already as he watched the pain on her face.

"It was a long labor—nearly thirty nine hours. They offered me an epidural a few times, but I wouldn't take it."

He turned to look at her, his eyes questioning, but his lips never moving. One look at the video and he could clearly see her pain. It killed him to know he wasn't there for her and yet he knew there was no way he could have known.

"I guess I felt like the pain was my punishment. I was making all these decisions for both of us and I knew how much it would hurt you to know so I thought I should suffer too…" She watched as his head dropped a bit, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes turned back to the screen as the image flicked through a small lapse of time.

"They're trying to get me to push harder here and I was so exhausted." She could fear the tears building up in her own eyes as she remembered the fear that gripped her when the doctor had stood up, looking her in the eye and telling her that she didn't have a choice. "Her heart rate was dropping and they told me I had to push once more, harder than I ever had—and I did."

Billy swallowed hard as he watched the doctors wrap the screaming baby girl in a blanket and hand her to Phyllis. He watched as she softly pressed her lips to her forehead, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I was so relieved she was here and that she was healthy. The tears were because of that but also because of what the day could have been for us. When they put her in my arms, it was like I realized the choice I'd made was real. I was her family now. I was all she had and even though I knew it would be hard and even though I knew I was on my own, the fact that she was your daughter meant that somehow a part of you would always be with me."

He sat silently as he watched the last image fade from the screen. It was overwhelming, both the images and the words. He wanted to say something, to respond in some way, but what did one say in a moment like this? Billy turned back, his face now wet with tears that had been streaming down his face unchecked. "Thank you," he whispered.

She looked at him, her eyes blinking quickly. "For what? For the video? It was the least I…"

"No," he said, his eyes full of sincerity as they stared deeply into hers. He cleared his throat, fearing his voice might not hold out to get through the simplest of sentences. "For our daughter…our beautiful, perfect, little girl."

His words struck deep within her and she simply nodded, not trusting herself to do or say anything else. Standing slowly, she pushed the chair underneath the desk and headed back towards her bedroom.

Billy leaned back against the back of the couch, feeling all the breath leave his body. His eyes stared at the television screen which now simply showed static. He allowed his eyes to close, images from the video now seared into his brain. His breathing slowed, settling into a rhythm as he drifted off….

 _He pressed the cool rag against her forehead, the moisture causing her hair to stick to her forehead. Softly, he brushed the damn strands away, turning a bit to look at her face. Her relaxed features began to tense and he wrapped his around her, pressing his lips to her temple._

 _"_ _Just breathe," he whispered, "You're doing so good."_

 _She collapsed against him after a moment, her eyes finding his. "I don't know how much longer I can do this, Billy," she panted, her skin flushed. "It's been over twenty four hours…what if something's wrong?"_

 _"_ _Shhhh.." His hand softly stroked her back, his fingertips kneading away at the muscles. "Nothing's wrong. You heard the doctor. Babies are on their own schedule. She's just taking her time."_

 _..._

 _"_ _I can't," she yelled," turning to look at Billy with panicked eyes. "I can't…I really can't."_

 _"_ _Look at me." He took her hand in his, his eyes staring squarely into hers. "Yes you can. You can do absolutely anything and I know you can do this. I'm right here with you. You just take a breath and you squeeze my hand as hard as you want."_

 _..._

 _"_ _She's got quite the set of lungs on her," the doctor smiled as he laid the screaming baby girl on Phyllis' chest._

 _He felt the tears streaming down his face as he looked at them, the two most important things in his world._

 _"_ _Isn't she the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, Billy?" Phyllis whispered, as her fingertip gently stroked the tiny baby's bare arm._

 _"_ _Almost," he whispered, leaning in to kiss her softly on the lips. "Almost."_

"Daddy!" Aly leaned over, her face mere inches from his. "Daddy!"

Billy jerked, his eyes flying open as he acclimated quickly to his reality. "Aly," he breathed, looking around the living room, and sitting up a bit. "What are you doing up?"

Aly smiled, "It's morning," she said simply, "And today is Donuts for Dads…unless…" She glanced down at the floor, trying not to let him see her disappointment, "Unless you can't come with me."

"Hey," he said quickly, reaching out and grabbing her hands, "Didn't I tell you I would come with you?"

Aly nodded, the smile returning to her face.

"Well then, I guess I'd better get a move on, huh?"

* * *

Billy held her hand tightly as they crossed the parking lot of the school. Aly smiled proudly as she stepped through the doors, never once letting go of Billy's hand.

From across the room, he watched a young woman spot them and quickly move to approach. Aly looked up, her eyes suddenly wary. "Daddy," she whispered…

"Hi Aly," the woman said politely. "Who did you bring with you today?"

Aly glanced up at Billy, her face betraying her confusion.

Billy placed one hand supportively on Aly's shoulder while extending the other towards the woman. "Hello. I'm Billy Abbott. I'm Aly's father."

"I see." Her eyes widened a bit. "I'm Ms. Kemmerlin, Aly's teacher. Aly's never brought her father to any of our functions before." She smiled as she looked down at Aly.

"He's our prince," Aly said, the smile from earlier now returned. Her eyes shone bright as she stared up at Billy. "Come over here." She pulled Billy towards the cubbies that lined the wall. "I want you to see my drawings."

Billy picked up the tray and walked behind Aly, allowing her to lead the way to the garbage. They walked past a group of women who whispered and pointed. Billy breathed in deeply. People had talked about him all his life and, in truth, he'd given them plenty of reason to, but to do it in front of his daughter was over the line. Aly's eyes glanced up at him sadly, her feelings hurt far more easily than his own.

"Sweetie, why don't go sit over there and wait for me for just a minute, okay?" He pointed to a group of chairs a few feet away and Aly quickly obliged. For a moment he stood still, searching everything in him to find some tact and composure.

"Excuse me." Billy marveled at how quickly the conversation stalled.

"Hello." The woman shared knowing glances until one finally spoke. "Is there something we can help you with?"

Billy bit his bottom lip, breathing in deeply again. "Well, actually there is. I don't know what makes you think you're qualified to make statements regarding my life or my daughter's life, but I'd thank you to keep your mouth shut unless and until you have your facts straight or, at the very least, have the decency to wait until a four year old isn't in earshot."

"We were only saying what everyone here is thinking," the woman snipped, "Most women have their children call them Uncles…Phyllis is skipping straight to Daddy I suppose. I mean, Aly's never brought a Daddy in here before. Phyllis normally sends her alone or doesn't send her at all so you can understand how we'd be a little suspicious of this. For all we know you're just a one night stand to cover up some issues that…"

"Actually," Billy forced himself to lower his voice, glancing back over his shoulder and sensing Aly watching him intently, "I don't understand why you bother thinking about us at all, but since you do, let me clear this up. I'm not a one night stand. I'm not an uncle and I'm certainly not here to cover anything up. I'm here because I'm Aly's father. You can think whatever you want to about me. You can say whatever you want to about me, but you say it to me. You don't say it to my daughter. You don't say it where my daughter can hear you. You don't say it about her mother. Your issues are with me and you take them up with me—and only me. Are we clear?"

He stood for a moment, giving his rage a moment to settle before he walked over to Aly and took her hand. "Come on sweetie," he said softly, "I'll walk you back to class."

* * *

Aly sat on the couch beside Phyllis. She made her way through the sight words on the sheet with ease. Phyllis smiled brightly as she looked down at her. "You're gonna be reading in no time, Aly," she grinned.

"Mommy," Aly said thoughtfully as she raised her eyes to look at her, "Why do the ladies at school say Daddy is my uncle?"

Phyllis felt her stomach drop. "Who said that?"

"Lots of the ladies said it," Aly said honestly, "It was a whole bunch of them helping with the donuts this morning. Daddy was talking to them…kind of loud too."

A sigh slowly escaped her lips. "Oh," she breathed. "Well, baby. Those women were just being very mean and they were gossiping which is something we shouldn't do. They were making a mean joke that your Daddy isn't really your Daddy." She paused, pulling Aly closer to her. "But I want you to listen to me, okay?"

Aly nodded.

"I know I didn't always tell you the whole, complete truth about everything, but I promise you everything I'm telling you now is the truth. Billy is your Daddy and he loves you and he's going to be here to take care of you no matter what."

"I know," Aly whispered. "And I'm glad Billy is my Daddy. He's nice and I like him."

Phyllis smiled, "Me too." She leaned down, "And you know what else I'd like? I'd like you to go brush those teeth so I can come and tuck you in."

Aly hopped off the bed and quickly scurried towards her bathroom.

"Thank you."

Phyllis turned, surprised to hear his voice. "Hey. I didn't realize you were standing there."

"I know," he admitted. "I heard what you were saying to Aly and I know that telling her the truth wasn't the easiest thing to do and I just want you to know how much I appreciate it. Getting the chance to know her, getting the chance to be a part of her life is the best gift you ever could have give me, so thank you…for all of this, for giving me a chance to be a father and for giving us a chance to build a family." Billy stepped closer to her, leaning in and gently kissing her cheek. "Good night," he said softly.

It wasn't until he'd walked from the room that she realized she'd been holding her breath. She slowly exhaled, "Good night."


	13. Chapter 13

Billy smiled as he glanced over at Phyllis who sat beside him in the passenger seat. Aly had been chattering on non-stop since they'd pulled out of the driveway.

"And we get our grade reports today," she said excitedly, "which means I get to pick where we eat tonight, right Mommy?"

Phyllis smiled as she looked at her in the mirror. "That's the deal, isn't it?"

Aly nodded.

"Mommy always lets me pick where we go for our special dinner if I get good grades on my report card." Aly looked stared into the rearview mirror at Billy. "You can come too, Daddy."

"Well, that certainly sounds like fun, but maybe we should hold off until we see how Mommy feels after her medicine today, huh?" His eyes fell on Phyllis who shook her head.

"I'll be fine. I've been fine every other time. There's no reason to think any differently, right Aly? So," she breathed, brushing her hair behind her ears, "What's your pick this time?"

"I need to ask a question first," she said, her eyes sparkling as her mind raced. "Daddy, can you cook?"

"uh..well, I can cook some things," he said with a grin, allowing his eyes to meet Phyllis' only for a second. "Does Mommy cook?"

Aly wrinkled her nose. "Only very once in a while," she said, leaning forward a bit as if she'd be able to whisper without Phyllis hearing. "She sometimes makes stuff real crispy."

Billy nodded, trying to stifle a giggle. "We just won't tell her," he whispered back.

"I'm right here," Phyllis balked, her voice raised in mock offense. "And besides, that's why we go out for a special dinner, you little turkey."

"I know, but," she grinned, "Couldn't we all cook together. My teacher let us all help her make brownies the other day in class and it was so much fun and my friend Ella said that her Mommy and Daddy let her and her brother help make dinner all the time."

"Isn't Ella your friend that had her party at that Italian restaurant? Where everybody made their own pizza?" Phyllis cut her eyes towards Billy as she waited for a response.

"Uh huh," Aly answered.

"Yeah, Ella's Daddy is a chef. That's probably why he can do things like that."

"Oh, ok." Aly's eyes dimmed a bit even though she tried not to appear too disappointed. "That's okay then."

Phyllis sighed, knowing she'd regret the decision she was about to make. "Hey," she said with false excitement, "We could give it a try though…if that's what you want to do for your special dinner?"

"Really?"

Billy pulled the car to a stop and couldn't help but laugh as he watched the little girl bolt from the back seat and run around to throw her arms around her mother before heading around to the driver's side to give him the same attention.

"Thank you," she squealed. "I'm gonna tell Ella."

They stood behind the car as they watched her rush up to her teacher and fall in line behind several of her friends. Phyllis sat back down in the car and slowly turned to face Billy. "You know this is going to be an absolute disaster, right?"

"Oh, how bad can it be? I'll pick something simple and fun and you can just stand there and look pretty."

Phyllis smiled, feeling her cheeks flush a bit, his compliments still getting to her even after all these years. In a world of so much uncertainty, it was comforting to know that some things never changed.

* * *

"Hey." Her skin felt cool as he touched her arm gently. "Phyllis? You okay?"

She willed her eyes to open, the small task seeming incredibly labor intensive at that particular moment. She sat still, allowing her eyes to slowly scan the room as she attempted to assess the situation. "Billy," she whispered.

"Yeah." His voice was soft, his eyes full of concern. "You alright? The nurse said the treatment is over. I can take you home now."

"Oh." The word left her mouth in a breath and she felt her body relax with the understanding of her surroundings. With all the other treatments, she'd been awake and alert. A few times she had a bit of a headache, but for the most part she'd escaped unscathed. Today though, she felt unsteady and exhausted. Her eyes drifted up to meet his, once again noting the look of deep concern. "I'm fine," she said quietly, forcing her lips to form a slight smile. "Just a little tired..that's all."

"That's normal though, right? They said that might get a little worse as the treatments go on."

She nodded once then stopped, realizing the movement of her head caused the entire room to spin and weave. "So, we can go?"

"Yeah, as soon as you're ready." His voice was more upbeat now, his eyes slightly less concerned.

"I'm ready now," she managed, desperately trying to sound more energetic than she felt. She remembered the look on Aly's face this morning as she chattered on about the dinner she wanted to make tonight. In her mind, she could still see her daughter skipping off to meet her classmates, no doubt telling them all about the fun night she had planned. There was no way a little fatigue was going to get in the way of that.

Phyllis gripped the arm of the recliner, trying to push herself up. Her wrist gave up far before she did and she found herself hurtling back against the slanted back of the chair.

"Easy," Billy hissed. His face softened as he looked at her. "Let me help you." His arm wrapped around her, his hand clasping around her waist as he let her brace her body against him and held her weight up easily.

"Thank you," she whispered, feeling a little more stable once she was on her feet. "I'm okay now."

"I don't mind." His face was close to hers as he spoke and she could feel the warmth of his body against hers. She knew she should pull away, set boundaries, keep things simple—less complicated, but it felt nice to lean on him—even nicer to be in his arms again.

He helped her into the car, his body pressing against hers as he leaned over to pull the seatbelt across her and fasten it. She swallowed hard as his face passed hers, close enough for her to see the curve of his jaw, the beginning of the stubble she once loved to run her fingertips against. She closed her eyes, forcing herself to focus. Her skin felt hot and flushed again…only this time she wasn't sure it was the treatment.

"You just relax, okay?" Billy's voice was calming as he spoke to her. "I'll drop you off at home and then I'll run out and get the stuff we need for dinner…unless you don't think you're up to it?"

"No..No..I'll be fine. I'm just going to sleep for a few hours and then I'll feel better."

His eyes stared into hers again. "Phyllis, honestly…if you're not up for it, just tell me and I'll explain it to Aly. She's a smart kid. She'll understand. We've got plenty of time. We can do it another night."

"Billy…no, please. Don't do that. She's so excited and I'll honestly be fine. I'm just tired. A little bit of sleep and I'll be perfectly fine."

* * *

Billy unlocked the door, pushing it open and turning to grab the bags off the floor. He shuffled in through the doorway pushing the door shut behind him and walking through the kitchen to sit the groceries on the counter.

It was a pleasant surprise to see Phyllis not up and about. There was a part of him that was convinced she'd refuse to admit she needed to rest, but at least she was beginning to accept that she wasn't invincible. He quickly placed the perishable items in the refrigerator before heading into the bedroom.

His eyes immediately fell upon the empty bed, the sheets thrown back in disarray. "Phyllis?" His heart quickened, his stomach immediately lurching as he saw the slight flicker of a hand at the end of the bed.

"Hey. What happened?" He was on his knees beside her within seconds, his eyes searching her body for signs of injury.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice reminiscent of that of a small child who anticipated being scolded. "I felt sick, but I couldn't make it…" She looked away from him, her embarrassment obvious.

"No..No..No..I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you alone here." He closed his eyes, silently cursing himself for not going with his gut feeling. It was obvious today's treatment had been different for her and he'd walked out on her again. He'd left her to deal with things alone again. "I'm the one that should be sorry." He brushed her hair away from her face. "Let me get you a towel. We'll get you all cleaned up."

"I can do it. I don't want you to have to do that." She struggled to push herself up to a sitting position, her stomach lurching again at the slight movement.

His hands wrapped around her waist and he quickly helped her to the bathroom. Tears streamed down her face as he reached down, pulling her hair back and holding it in his hand. Billy felt his own eyes burning and he reached behind her ear, grabbing another strand that fell and watching as it fell out, the clump now gripped in his fingertips. Quickly he moved and shoved it into the wastebasket. Not today. He couldn't add to her stress today.

* * *

"Was she upset?" Phyllis took a small sip of ginger tea.

"She was fine." Billy reached for the cup, taking it from her trembling hands and sitting it on the coffee table in front of them. "I explained that you weren't feeling well and I promised we'd do the dinner another night. She said Aunt Avery was talking her to the movies and to get ice cream so she was pretty excited anyway."

"That's good," Phyllis whispered. "The remote's over there if you want to find something to watch…or there's some movies in the spare room."

Billy shook his head. "Don't worry about me," he said softly. "I'm fine. I'm right where I want to be."

Avery crept into the room quietly, turning and placing a finger on her lips as she saw Phyllis sleeping, her hand in Billy's lap.

"Sorry," she mouthed.

"It's okay," Billy said quietly. He smiled at Aly who climbed up on the couch and snuggled down against him.

"I can stay if you want," Avery offered.

"I'm good. It's okay."

"You sure. Anything I can get you. Anything you need?" Avery looked around the room, surprised to see how well taken care of everything seemed. She'd had her own opinions of Billy Abbott, but it certainly seemed like he had come in and fallen right in line. Maybe this was where he belonged and, more importantly, maybe this was where he truly wanted to be.

He shook his head and waited as she gave Aly hugs and kisses before heading out.

Aly laid her head on her shoulder as she quietly whispered details about her night.

"It sounds like you had a lot of fun," Billy commented, his voice quiet as he glanced over to ensure he wasn't disturbing Phyllis. "I'm really sorry we had to wait on your dinner," he said, his hand stroking Aly's dark hair. "Your Mommy just wasn't feeling too good and I needed to make sure she was okay."

Aly nodded. "Because you love her, right Daddy?"

Billy stilled. For a moment he considered avoiding the question, not sure if answering Aly was the right thing for the moment, but he'd promised honesty about all else and the honest answer to that question was as simple as anything he'd ever said.

"Yes, Aly. Yes I do. I love you and I love your Mommy."

"I know you did," she whispered, as she snuggled down against him.

He said nothing else as he waited, feeling her breathing deepen as she drifted off to sleep. That night he'd gently pick up his daughter and carry her to bed. He'd tuck her in and kiss her forehead before turning off the light and walking back into the living room to do the same thing for her mother.


	14. Chapter 14

"Look, I promise you—I'm okay. See look, I can stand upright and everything." Phyllis stood by the side of the bed, holding her arms out straight in front of her. "You want me to walk a straight line or something? Touch my finger to my nose? Hop on one foot?"

Billy smiled, happy to see her in good spirits. "No….of course not. I just want to make sure you're up for this." He walked closer to her, staring into her eyes for a moment. "You get that, right? I mean, you know I'm not trying to make things difficult for you. I just worry about you, that's all."

"I know..and I appreciate it. I really do, but I'm okay today. I really am. I just want to make this day about Aly. She's worked so hard on this play and she's so excited that I can come see it. All days won't be like this…I won't always feel like going to everything, so while I can, I just want to make the most of every single moment. Is that wrong?"

"No. Absolutely not. You're right…you should make the most of it. I'm just being a little over protective, that's all." Billy took a deep breath, allowing his shoulders to rise and fall as he looked at her. "Alright. I'll go tell Aly that you're going to finish getting ready and I'll call Avery and let her know that I won't need her to come over and sit with you."

Phyllis' eyes widened as she stared at him in disbelief. "You were going to get me a babysitter?"

"In my defense it was your sister and she was going to lie and say she just happened to stop by." He smiled at her as he looked back over her shoulder. "And I won't do that again, I promise."

She shook her head with a soft laugh as she headed into the bathroom.

* * *

The warm water felt good against her bare skin as she stood under the showerhead. It was funny how quickly you learned to appreciate the good moments. She never thought much about waking up with energy before, but now it seemed like a gift. It never occurred to her that being hungry was something to be thankful for, but when she almost wanted to cringe at the mention of food, she realized just how important the simple blessings were. She breathed in the smell of lavender as she lathered the shampoo into her hair, trying to ignore the purple bruises that now littered her arms and legs. Since starting chemo a few weeks ago, she'd become a human pin cushion and each new prick and stick left her with nasty bruises that seemed even more present in the harsh light of the bathroom. Today though, nothing would bring her down. Today she got to celebrate with her daughter…and with Billy. It was a moment she thought might never happen and yet, here it was.

A deep sigh slowly left her lips as she stepped under the water, watching as the soapy water pooled at her feet. She felt something strange and looked down, her eyes widening as she stared at it. Before she saw another…and then another..and then….

* * *

Billy glanced down at his watch, trying not to overreact. He wasn't worried about being late. The play wasn't until later tonight and Aly was already at her rehearsal—she didn't need to be picked up for a couple of hours, but he couldn't help thinking this was quite the lengthy shower—even for Phyllis. He walked slowly towards the bedroom, mindful of the conversation he'd just had with her, of the promise he'd made just moments ago to be less protective, more trusting, less smothering….

Still, there was something strange…something gnawing deep inside…something that said something was off.

Gently he knocked on the door, stepping close enough to the slightly open door to hear the shower still running. Perhaps she was just relaxing. "Phyllis?" he called out, his heart beating a little faster as he waited for a response. Nothing. He knocked again, louder this time, the quickened heartbeat now joined by a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

His rational side could no longer win out and he pushed open the door, the steam in the room quickly escaping. Through the fogged shower door, he could see her body crumpled in the corner of the shower. "God, Phyllis!"

His eyes fell on the robe hanging on the door and he grabbed it, slinging open the shower door quickly. His hand quickly found the nozzle, turning off the water, and reaching down to scoop her up, pulling the robe around her and lifting her.

"Billy-No. Billy stop."

He jerked, surprised to hear her soft voice. He looked down, not expecting to see her eyes open and starting into his. "What?" he breathed, his body still reeling from the sheer terror of seeing her in such a state. "What were you doing in there?"

"Just go," she muttered, her hands clinging to the robe, her head buried in her chest. "I don't want you to see me…"

"Phyllis," he sighed, "It's not…I don't care about that right now. I just care about you. Let me get you in the bedroom."

She jerked away. "No…you can't. I don't want you to look at me."

"You've got the robe." He didn't understand. He ached to touch her, to comfort her, to somehow help and yet she didn't even want him near her.

"It's not that," she mumbled. "You can't see me like this…"

He shook his head. "I'll turn my head," he offered. "I swear. I won't look at you."

"Swear it."

"I swear." He extended his arms and felt the warmth of her body and she moved in closer. Gently he lifted her into his arms. He walked towards the bedroom, his head turned away from her as he gently laid her on the bed. Carefully he removed his hand from behind her neck, pulling a strand of her auburn hair with it. "Phyllis," he breathed. He heard her sharp intake of breath and suddenly he no longer cared about his promise. "Come here," he whispered, pulling her close to him.

She didn't pull away, but also said nothing.

"Is this what happened?" he said softly, "Your hair?"

"I thought maybe it wouldn't." Her voice was barely a whisper as she slowly lifted her eyes to look at him. "I was hoping it wouldn't. I don't want her to be scared."

"Who?" The word had no sooner left his lips than his mind understood. "Aly," he said softly, watching as she nodded in agreement. "She won't be. We'll talk to her and we'll explain. She won't be scared."

"What if I am?" The words was so soft, so delicate, he could barely hear them. They were tinged with regret and also shame.

He reached out, touching her face, looking at her, desperate to keep his own composure. The last thing she needed was for him to fall apart. "It's okay to be scared. There's nothing wrong with being afraid. It means you're invested. It means you care. It means you have something to fight for. It's good." He quickly brushed away the tears that now feel down her cheeks.

"I didn't want you to see me like this," she breathed.

"Like what? Crying? Upset? Scared?" He shook his head… "Sweetie, I…"

"No," she said, stopping him, "Like this…You always made me feel beautiful and now….I'm…."

"You're still every bit.."

"Don't. Don't do that. I see myself. I look in the mirror. I can see the bruises and the marks. I see the pale skin and the bones. And now…" She reached up and touched her hair. "You used to tell me all the time how I was beautiful." She exhaled a shaky breath. "This isn't beautiful."

"You know, if we're going to talk about the things I used to say about you, I think it's only fair that you let me have a turn. I seem to remember telling you that I loved how smart you were, and that I loved your fire and your unpredictability, and the way you made me feel."

"Billy, you don't have to do this. You don't have to say all these things."

"I'm not saying things. I mean everything I'm saying. I didn't fall in love with your hair or your skin or your body. I fell in love with all of you—the whole package." He stood. "And if you don't think so—if you honestly believe that I'm so shallow, that the only reason I ever cared about you was because of the way you looked, maybe you never knew me at all."

Phyllis sat quietly as she watched him walk from the room.

Billy pulled the door behind him, finally allow the air to flow from his lungs. He hoped to God he didn't just completely ruin any chance he had to ever make anything work with Phyllis, but if there was ever a risk worth taking, she was it.

* * *

"Hi Daddy!" Aly bounded into the room with a beaming smile.

"Hey sweetheart." Billy leaned forward, placing his laptop on the coffee table in front of him. "Did you have fun at your last rehearsal?"

"Uh huh. The teacher said everything looks perfect and I'm so glad you and Mommy get to come." She paused as she watched the smile fade from Billy's face. "You and Mommy are coming to the play, right Daddy?"

Billy sighed. "Well, I'm definitely going to be there, but I'm not sure if Mommy will be able to come or not."

"Is she still sick?"

"She's just a little tired. I think she's going to need a little bit longer of a nap before she tries to go out, but I can tape it for her and we can all watch it together later after we get home. Won't that be fun?"

Aly nodded. "Yes," she said, "but it would have been lots of fun if she could've come. I wish Mommy wasn't sick."

Billy turned as he heard the door open.

"Mommy!" Aly rushed towards her stopping short when she got close. "Can I give you a hug?"

"Of course you can. I always need hugs." Phyllis smiled at Billy as she wrapped her arms around Aly. She was dressed in a sheath dress and cardigan with her hair swept up in a loose pony tail.

"Daddy said you weren't coming to the play, but you look dressed up like you are." Aly looked back at Billy. "So are you coming or not?"

"Of course I am," she smiled. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Aly smiled. "I've got to go get my jacket," she chirped. "The teacher said it might be cold in the auditorium."

Phyllis nodded as she watched the little girl flit from the room. Her eyes followed Billy as he approached her.

"You know if you're not up to this, you don't have to…"

"I'm okay," she said with a smile, "And thank you."

Billy smiled back at her, unable to help himself. "For what?"

"For not treating me so delicately, for calling me out on being a bit dramatic, but most of all for this…for all of it…for being here..for being you… If you weren't here…I…." She shook her head, feeling her eyes begin to burn again.

He nodded. "I am, so you don't have to think about it ever again."

* * *

He walked close beside her, his eyes watching her every movement. She'd been so determined to come out, so adamant that she would not disappoint Aly and miss the school play she'd practiced all year for. He smiled at her as she glanced up at him, allowing him to help her up the steps with an arm wrapped loosely around her waist. Aly ran up quickly ahead of them, glancing back with a grin and a wave as her teacher quickly shuffled her backstage.

"You sure you're okay?" His arm shifted up around her shoulders as he quickly found a pair of seats toward the middle of the room. "I know you want to be here for Aly, but if you're not up to it, I'll get someone to record and I'll explain. She'll understand."

"Will she?" Phyllis blinked hard. "She's four, Billy. She's a smart kid, but she's a kid. She wants her mother here and I want to be here and unless and until I am physically incapable of putting one foot in front of the other, I am going to be here for her." She stopped as she saw a small smile forming on his lips. "What are you smiling about?"

"It's just good to see you haven't lost your fight, that's all." He led her down the aisle stopping and helping her into the chair. "Why don't you sit here and I'll run backstage and make sure Aly doesn't need any help with anything?"

"I can go," she protested, already moving to stand.

"Phyllis, please…" His hand on her shoulder provided plenty of pressure to keep her seated and he winced slightly as he realized just how weak she truly was. "You don't have to do everything now. I'm here. You're not alone in this. Aly has a father and a mother. Let me do this. Let me be a part of this."

"You're right. You're absolutely right. I'm sorry. I'm being selfish and I shouldn't…" Her eyes burned as she tried to find the right words to express herself, the overwhelming thoughts clogging her brain. She wanted to tell him how much it terrified her to relinquish control, how much it hurt her to think that anyone could ever take her place in her child's life, how much it angered her to consider the fact that she might actually need to prepare herself for that possibility.

Billy touched her hand softly, his thumb gently brushing back and forth across her fingertips. "I'll never be you," he whispered, "Never, but I can help you. I can take a little of the weight off of you. That's all I'm trying to do…if you'll let me."

She shook her head in somewhat disbelief. Sometimes she truly believed he could read her mind. In some situations, she wished to God he could, in others she prayed with everything in her that he never ever could. "Okay," she whispered. "Okay."

* * *

"Alright." Billy slid into his seat, leaning closer to her as he whispered the words in her ear. "I think we might want to start looking into theater programs for that one because she's not the least bit nervous. If the stage loves her as much as she loves the stage, we might be in a bit of trouble." He smiled as he looked over at Phyllis, studying her face for the first time. "Hey." Her eyes shone bright as she looked up at him, forcing herself to smile. "What's wrong? What's the matter?"

"Nothing," she managed. She forced a breath, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay. "Absolutely nothing. It's just this…you know it's my baby's first play. I'm a little emotional that's all."

"I don't know about that…You were fine earlier and I…." He heard the hushed whisper behind them and immediately saw her face change.

"Apparently he came to the donut social the other day too with Aly. I guess maybe once she got sick she figured it might be a good time to call the Dad."

Billy looked over at Phyllis watching as tears streamed down her face again.

"I still say it's sad," another woman said, "I mean a little girl needs her mother and to lose her Mom so young…I feel bad for Aly."

"Is it that bad?" Another voice chimed in.

"I heard one of the nurses at the hospital say she was on some pretty aggressive treatment. They don't pull out the big guns for nothing."

Billy moved to stand before feeling Phyllis' hand grip his own.

"Please don't," she hissed, her eyes still brimming with tears. "I just want to see Aly. Please."

It was the look in her eyes that killed him—the utter desperation. Were it up to him, he would given those bitches something to talk about for the next twenty years, but it wasn't about him. Tonight it was his family—or at least the family he yearned to have. It was about watching his daughter do something she was proud of. It was about protecting and supporting the woman he loved even he wasn't sure she felt the same. He nodded, placing his hand on top of hers and meeting her eyes. "Okay," he whispered.

* * *

They sat quietly as the room cleared out a bit.

"She did great, don't you think?" Billy beamed as he looked over at Phyllis.

"She did. She was absolutely amazing….knew every word, every movement. I'm so proud of her. You got it all on tape, right? I know she's going to want to see it."

"Every second," Billy confirmed, pointing to his phone. His face grew more serious as took in a breath. "You want to talk about it now or later?"

"Talk about what?" she said, averting her eyes, knowing full well what he meant.

Billy sighed, "What those gossipy bitches were saying behind you."

Phyllis shrugged. "Why bother talking about them at all? They don't have anything better to do with their lives than talk about other people—I'd rather not give them the satisfaction of spending one second of my day talking about them or thinking about them."

"It's a little late for that, I think." He reached out, tucking a bit of hair behind her ear. "You know they don't have the first clue what they're talking about, right?" She said nothing, her eyes fixed on the floor beneath them. Billy reached down, touching her chin with his fingertips and slowly raising her face to look at him. "Right?" His own eyes began to burn as he saw the fresh tears filling hers.

"What if they do?" she whispered, hating to even say the words out loud, as if saying them might somehow speak them into existence. "I don't want to believe it, but what if I…what if…what if I can't beat this, Billy?"

"You?" He shook his head, turning his body so that he stared right at her. "You survived a coma, Kelly's craziness, and Marco. You sent Victor Newman to jail. You stood right beside me when we went after Passkey and you never backed down. If there's one thing I know about you, it's how determined and passionate you are when you know you're right, when you know you deserving, and when you know the end result is worth it. I promise you this fight is worth it. Aly needs you. She's the best part of both of us..and for what it's worth, I need you too."

* * *

Billy gently placed the cool rag on the nightstand by the bed. "You call me if you need anything, okay?"

Phyllis nodded. "I'm sorry I ruined the evening."

"You didn't ruin anything," he whispered. "It isn't your fault. You can't help it."

"Can you talk to Aly…make sure she's okay. I wanted everything to go perfect tonight and it just…" She sighed. "I feel like I ruined everything."

"I'll talk to her, but I'm sure she'll understand. She knows you're sick. She gets that, but she also knows that you showed up for her tonight. You went to see her in the play and that means something. You were there when she needed you. You made that memory." He watched as her eyes drooped closed. Carefully, he brushed his hand against her forehead, his not so subtle way of checking for fever. She was fine. Pressing his lips against her forehead, his lingered there for a moment and then walked from the room.

Aly sat on the edge of her bed, waiting for him.

"You ready for lights out?"

Aly nodded. "Isn't Mommy coming to tuck me?"

"Mommy is really tired tonight, so I'm going to be tucking you in by myself tonight. You're gonna have to help me out, okay though…cuz I'm still learning the routine." He smiled brightly at her, noting the serious expression reflected back. "Something wrong?"

Aly crawled into the bed, pulling the covers up and letting Billy tuck them down around her. "Daddy," she said softly, "I know Mommy's sick, but if she's going to the doctor for medicine why isn't she better now?"

"Well, sometimes with this kind of medicine it takes longer for it to make you all better, but Mommy is still getting the medicine so she'll get better in a little bit."

"You promise?"

The pit from earlier returned. Promises. He couldn't make them…not to her…not about this. "Mommy had really good doctors and they are really gonna try to give her the best medicine to make sure she feels better really soon, okay?"

"That means you won't promise."

Billy sighed. "You know, you're a really smart little girl. There's some things that even grownups can't promise you know. Sometimes we just have to wait and see. We have to be patient."

"Mommy says I'm not very good at that. She says I got that from her," Aly said honestly, shrugging her little shoulders.

He leaned down, kissing her forehead gently. "Well, to be fair, you could have gotten that from either one of us, actually," he smiled. "What I can promise you is that your Mommy and I will always love you and take care of you no matter what, okay?"

Aly nodded as Billy reached over to turn off the bedside lamp. "You all set to go to sleep?" he asked quietly.

"One more thing….Mommy isn't going to go away is she…not forever?"

In that moment, he was grateful for the dim light in the room. Were it not for that, she might have seen the horror in his eyes. The word death was too finite a term for a four year old and yet going away seemed more plausible, easier to understand. Still, it was no easier to answer. He drew in a breath, his mind turning over the possible responses. "Mommy will never ever go away forever," he said quietly. "Mommy will always be with us."

He watched the smile spread across Aly's face again and he quickly turned off the light and leaned down for a quick goodnight kiss before leaving the room. There was a part of him that felt guilty for giving the child false hope. Essentially, he'd promised her something he had no business doing. This wasn't his question to answer. He wasn't God. He had no way of knowing what came in the future. In another way, he could promise her that. Phyllis would never be truly gone. Even if the most horrific ending were in store for them, he could keep her alive in their lives and he would…he'd have to…for both of them.

Billy walked over to the couch, allowing his body to collapse against the forgiving cushions. He wasn't one to pray. He wasn't even sure God listened to him anymore, but maybe for this he would—maybe because it wasn't about him. It wasn't for him. He stared up at the ceiling, not sure how to start, just knowing he needed to do something, the helpless feeling now ready to eat him alive.

"Please," he whispered, "I'm not asking you to do this for me. God knows…well you know, I probably don't deserve it, but she does. She's done this alone. She raised this little girl, this amazing little girl on her own and she doesn't deserve to lose her. Aly doesn't deserve to be without the Mother she's counted on all her life. I'm asking you to save her…not for me, but for her, for our daughter…for the promise of something I should have taken advantage of years ago. I didn't take my chance then, but if you can give me one now…I'll take it, I swear. Even if not though, even if I can't be with them, even if she doesn't want me that way, it's okay. I can live with that. I just can't live without her in this world. Please…Please..Don't make me try."


	15. Chapter 15

"I'm sorry. I just…I can't." She pushed the tray away from him, the frustration obvious on her face. "And actually, can you take it out of here, please? Even the smell is…" She brought her hand to her face, swallowing hard to combat the almost overwhelming wave of nausea.

"Yeah, ok." Billy grabbed the tray and quickly left the room, returning in mere moments with a bottle of water. "Maybe try to drink a little?"

She shook her head. "Billy," she sighed, "I know you're trying to help, but I just can't. It tastes horrible and I know I need to, but I also know the second I try to eat or drink anything I'm just going to end up right back in there…" She gestured towards the bathroom where she'd spent far too much of her time recently.

He sat down on the edge of the bed next to her. The last few days had been particularly difficult. She'd had bad days before, but the last few had seemed to string together without reprieve. She couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't find any comfort in anything. Though he knew she was suffering, he hurt right along with her. Watching her in pain and knowing there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it was almost unbearable. "Look, I get it. I know you're frustrated and I know you're tired, but you've got to eat something. You've got to keep yourself hydrated. It's the only thing that's going to keep your strength up."

"What strength?" she balked, her body collapsing against the pillows he'd tried to prop behind her. "I'm exhausted and I just feel like there's no end with this. This is what's supposed to be helping me and…" She watched as his eyes began to fill with tears and her words stopped. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't…"

"No. Don't apologize. I want you to talk to me about anything you're feeling. Don't ever feel like you have to protect me from any of this. I just wish I knew something I could do to help you. Maybe I can call the doctor—see if there's some medication that can help with the nausea. I really think if you could get some food in you it might help you feel better, give you some energy at least…"

Phyllis sighed and pointed over to the bedside table. "Tried that."

He reached over and picked up the small bottle, reading the label. "I didn't help?"

"Well, if it's helping, I sure as hell would hate to see what it would be like to not take it." She inhaled deeply, letting the air leave her lips slowly.

"There's got to be something…surely something can help you manage this a little bit. Maybe I'll do some research, see if I can find any articles or anything—maybe some recent medical journals." His eyes met hers, waiting for her approval.

She smiled weakly, his thoughtfulness always taking her off guard. "Thank you," she said softly.

* * *

Billy stood just outside the bedroom door, his tablet gripped firmly in his hand. Gently, he pushed the door open. "Hey," he whispered, "You feel like talking for a minute?"

Phyllis looked up, grabbing the remote and muting the program even though she had no idea what was on. That happened a lot lately. She found she appreciated the noise more than anything. The silence was one thing she'd never gotten used to. Luckily once Aly was born, she didn't have much of that anymore. "Sure."

Billy smiled, a bit nervously and he hesitated as he saw the expression on her face change.

"What?" She grinned slightly as she watched him. "What's that look for?"

"It's just…I…Well, I found an interesting article. Actually I found quite a few interesting articles that I think have a lot of merit and I wanted to talk to you about it….actually I wanted to see what you thought about maybe giving something a try."

"Something that might help?" Her eyes brightened a bit, "You think it sounds promising?"

"I do actually and there's a lot of medical science to back it up. Lots of doctors that agree it could be beneficial." He still held the tablet close to his chest, his mind still questioning his own sanity at the suggestion.

"Well, then let's hear it." For the first time in days she actually felt a little hopeful.

Billy handed her the tablet, watching as her eyes widened while reading the screen. She looked up at him.

"You cannot be serious."

"Before you say no, just keep reading. There's a lot of really good research in there and it's not like…"

"Billy!" She put the tablet by her side. "Are you out of your mind?! My sister is an attorney. Our four year old daughter lives here and you think now is the time for me to take up smoking pot?"

The slight laugh escaped before he could stop himself, but he regained his composure quickly as he saw the flash of outrage in her eyes. "It's not like you'd be the streetcorner stoner or anything," he argued, "It's medicinal marijuana and it's legal in almost half the states now…including this one. It's been proven to help with all kinds of illnesses and I really think it could help you."

"No. Absolutely not. I can't. I can't risk it. Can you imagine what might happen if someone found out?" She paused for a moment, thinking about the potential fallout before shaking her head vigorously again. "No. Thank you—for trying. Really, but this isn't the answer….not for me…not for this."

Billy sighed, taking back the tablet. "Alright. Well, I did find a few other things. There's some ginger tea that helps and peppermint oil. I thought if you were feeling okay, I might run out and get a few things…at least we could give them a try?"

"Yeah, I guess…it wouldn't hurt."

He walked towards the door before stopping and looking back over his shoulder, "You sure you're okay to be here alone though?"

She smiled. "I'll be fine and I'll call you if I need anything."

Billy nodded, pulling the door closed behind him. He grabbed his jacket as he headed for the door, pulling his phone out and quickly grabbing Avery's number.

"Avery—Hey, it's Billy. No—no—nothing's wrong. I was just wondering if Aly might be able to stay at your place tonight. Phyllis isn't having the best night and she hates for Aly to see her sick and I just…" He stopped, listening to her hurried words. "That's great. Thanks. Thanks so much."

Quickly he shoved the phone back into his pocket and rushed out of the door.

* * *

"You still awake?" Billy spoke softly as he poked his head through the slightly open bedroom door.

"Yeah," she answered, looking towards him. "So, what miracle cures do you have for me."

He stepped into the room hesitantly, a few bags in his hand.

"I'm sorry," she sighed. "That was a bitchy thing to say. I know you're trying everything you can to help me and that was sarcastic and…"

"You're entitled to be as sarcastic and as…." He smiled, "Whatever as you want." The bed shifted slightly as he sat down next to her. "I'm not going to fault you for any of it. You're going through a hell of a lot right now."

"Still," she sighed, "I shouldn't take it out on you. You've been really amazing and wonderful and you're doing everything you can to help when you don't have to…"

He nodded. "Keeping that in mind…" Billy reached into one of the bags, pulling out the contents.

"Billy! Avery will be here with Aly anytime now. Get rid of that. We talked about this and…"

"I called Avery already. She's keeping Aly tonight and I know we talked about this, but I really believe this can help you and I'm not okay with not trying it. Besides, you're not going to try and sell me on the fact that you've never partaken before?" He narrowed his eyes as he stared at her, a suspicious smile playing upon his lips.

She blinked back at him. "That is most definitely not the point. The point is I'm a much different person now who has a young child to think about and who certainly doesn't need her sister coming to drop her off into a house that smells like…..this stuff smells."

"That's what air freshener is for."

She watched as he placed two blunts on the paper bag in front of her.

"Billy, I really…I don't know…I mean, I don't have any idea how this might affect me now. It's been years since…"

"I'll be here," he said, his voice now more serious, his eyes now full of genuine care and concern, the joking suspicion now gone. "You honestly think I'd let anything bad happen to you?"

"Is that why there's two of those?" she breathed, knowing that this was far from the worse idea he'd ever had and miles away from the worst thing she'd ever done.

"I wouldn't ask you to do anything I wouldn't do."

"What the hell," she muttered.

* * *

"I honestly can't believe I let you talk me into this," she sighed, "And it's not even working. I hope you didn't pay too much for this stuff."

"Don't you worry about that," Billy said softly keeping his eyes fixed on her, "I'd pay anything to try and help you. You know that."

She smiled easily as she looked at him. "I know you would…and that's because you're a nice person…a really nice nice person." Her hands shifted on the couch to push herself up and she scooted over closer to him, her head tilting closer to his body.

Billy's eyes followed her with slight amusement. "Whatcha doing?" he whispered.

"You smell good," she whispered, her nose trailing up his arm and across his shoulder blade.

"Do I?" he grinned. He leaned a bit closer, relishing the feeling of having her close to him even if it did take some high end pot to accomplish it. "I'm not wearing any cologne," he whispered.

Her smile grew as she worked her way up to his face. "That's not it." Her voice was like a song as the words drifted in the air, her mood more relaxed than he'd seen it in weeks. She stopped suddenly, her eyes widening, "Chocolate," she hissed, "you had chocolate." Pulling away her mouth formed a look of horror, "You're a chocolate thief."

"I did have chocolate," he laughed, his hands locked behind her waist, fearful her relaxed demeanor might allow her to fling herself backwards off the couch. "I had a chocolate mint earlier." He grinned as her eyes flickered. "You want me to find you some chocolate?"

"You have more chocolate?" Her feet scrambled off the couch in an unsteady clamor.

Billy's arms wrapped around her quickly and she grinned as he pulled her close to her.

"Did you buy me chocolate?" she whispered.

He looked down at her. It would be so easy to forget everything—to forget that this was some drug induced stupor, to forget she had cancer, to forget that the last four years had been spent apart…It would be so damn easy to put his arms around her and take tonight as one of those perfect moments, but it wouldn't make it right. It wouldn't make it fair. It wouldn't make it real.

The breath left his body in a deep, almost regretful sigh, "There's brownies in the kitchen," he said softly, taking his hand and brushing the hair away from her face. "Avery made them. Come on. I'll get them for you."

* * *

"What are you laughing at?" She pointed her finger accusingly at him as they sat cross legged on the floor in front of the sofa. "At me?"

"I'm not laughing at you," he said softly, moving his hand to softly brush a brownie crumb off her face. "I'm just wondering if you think the uh…medicine is helping yet?"

Phyllis paused as she took another huge bite of the brownie. "I don't know. I don't really feel any different."

"Right." His teeth dug into his lip to keep from laughing as he broke a corner off one of the brownies and placed it in his own mouth. "So, uh…you just decided to eat six brownies because…."

"I did not eat six brownies," she yelped. "You helped me eat them."

"Oh…right…That's right. I helped."

"You telling lies and stuff…trying to make me look bad." She rose up on her knees and leaned closer to him. "And I'm not gonna let you do it."

He smiled, happy to see her happy—even if it was only for a few hours. His eyes followed her as she managed to get on her feet and walk, somewhat haphazardly over to the desk. "What are you doing?" he called out, quickly standing up himself.

"Looking for what else makes me happy." She whirled back around, holding the remote in her hand as her eyes sparked, "Music!"


	16. Chapter 16

"Who was it that said once that music that makes them happy? Huh? Who was it that said that?" She stopped babbling for only a moment to look up at him, widening her eyes to indicate she was waiting for an answer.

He smiled in spite of himself. "Uh, I think that was you…just a second ago, actually."

"Me? I said that?" She smiled as she flicked through songs, wrinkling her nose up at several after hearing the first few beats. "I was right…What are you doing sitting down over there?" She reached down, grabbing his hand and pulling him up to stand with her. "You can't dance sitting down…well you can but you look ridiculous."

"I've got news for you," he whispered, leaning in a bit closer to her, "I'm gonna look ridiculous no matter what. I don't really dance especially not to this kind of music."

"Ohhhh…this one." Her eyes lit up as she put the controller on the table. "I loooove this one."

"I'd rather just watch you," he grinned, stepping back a bit as he watched her.

"What?" she giggled, "You never do this? Aly and I dance all the time."

"To this?" Billy raised his eyebrows in fun jest, "That sound be a fun parent teacher conference."

Phyllis bounced over towards him, jabbing him playfully in the ribs as she continued to dance around him, "No, not to this. Trudy is only for my private dance parties. We have other music. You're really gonna make me dance all by myself?"

"This just really isn't my kind of dancing music," he grinned, as she pulled him closer. "I…" He stopped as the song ended another automatically playing, the shuffle seeming to be in his favor tonight as something much slower rang out through the speakers.

"Now this." He looked at her for a moment, half expecting her to pull away, but not willing to miss a moment if she didn't. His hand carefully cupped her face as he let his other arm fall to rest across the small of her back. "This is much more my speed."

They stayed like that for a few more moments, simply swaying back and forth slowly, her head mere inches from his chest. Several times he started to speak but quickly decided against it, afraid talking might alert her to think more clearly. And then, as suddenly as it had began, it was over. She pulled away, blinking slowly at him.

"It's warm in here, isn't it?" She brought her hand to her face. "Is it warm in here to you?"

He smiled, sighing trying not to let his disappointment show too much. "Maybe we could step out on the balcony," he offered, "Get some fresh air."

"Yeah." The sparkle in her eyes returned and the happy bliss seemed to surge back within in as she reached for his hand and walked beside him to the sliding doors.

Billy glanced around the small area, looking for another chair. "Let me go get another one," he said quickly.

"That's okay," she said with a bright smile. "We can share…we can share a chair. It rhymes." Her face seemed to glisten under the light of the evening stars and he laughed softly at her still stoned bliss.

"Yeah," he whispered, pulling her gently onto his lap, "Sure we can."

He reveled in the feeling of her this close to him, her arm wrapped loosely around the back of his neck, her body pressed against his. Even though he knew she'd never do something like this under normal circumstances, a part of him wondered if this was some strange form of truth—if this was perhaps the uninhibited version of her ultimate perfect world. What was it they said? In wine there is truth? Is there any truth in pot, he wondered, breathing in deeply to get a smell of the honeysuckle scented lotion she'd used that morning.

"Billy…" Her lips brushed against his ear as she whispered and he jumped a bit, surprised by the contact.

"Yeah."

"You see those things over there?" Her hand reached out, her finger extending towards the potted plants that decorated a few balconies nearby. He nodded, turning to meet her gaze.

"I don't think those are real," she whispered, her eyes darting between them.

"You think they're fake plants?"

"No…I think they're decoys," she hissed.

"Decoys?" He drew in a breath, trying desperately to keep his lips from curving into a smile. "So, what do you think they actually are?"

"Hidden cameras," she whispered, her eyes wide and serious as she stared at him.

"Oh." He leaned back a bit, now simply curious as to how this story played in her head. "Who put them there?"

"Don't know," she muttered, looking around a bit, "could be anybody..police, government, the mob."

"The mob?" He swallowed hard, shaking his head slowly. The gentle breeze had blown her hair down in front of her face and he carefully reached up, tucking her hair back behind her ear. "I really think it's okay," he said softly. "I don't think you have to worry about the plants."

"You're sure?"

"You want me to go check them?" he asked in earnest, perfectly willing to do whatever it took to keep her in the content, satisfied place she currently inhabited.

"No," she sighed, letting her head fall to his shoulder. "You don't have to. Just keep an eye on them," she muttered. "Just in case."

"I will." Her breathing slowed as she lay against him and he needed nothing more than to sit in the silence and hold her, carefully stroking her back as she sat.

"You always take care of me," she whispered, a slight tremor in her voice.

He looked down, noting the change in mood. His mouth opened as he started to speak, but stopped as he saw she was going to continue. He wanted her to talk, to get everything out. It wasn't everyday she spoke to him so openly, so unfiltered.

"You always have really," she sighed, "that's the kind of person you are. You want to be good. You want to take care of the people you love…like your kids. You wanted to be there for your kids, but that meant Victoria too and I just…I couldn't handle always seeing you with her and feeling like I was being compared to her and…" Her words seemed to fade as if she'd lost her thought.

She began again, "And then everyone went on and on and on about how she was your _one true love_."

The exaggerated eye roll made him smile as he watched her, the animated movements and gestures and amusing dichotomy to the seriousness of her words.

"I was so sick and tired of hearing that. You just don't know. I mean you can't know. How could you know..I'm just telling you this now." She paused, looking up at him seriously, "Am I rambling?"

"No. No. Go on, please. I want to hear this."

"Good. And then, I found out about the baby and I wanted to tell you but I was timing…and isn't it always, really? Isn't it always timing? I knew we weren't planning it and I knew we'd never talked about it and I knew you already had kids with….. _Victoria!_ So I just decided to get the hell out of dodge. I came to stay with Avery because I could still give Aly family here and I could still give her a good life and you could have a good life and then everyone would be happy, right?"

She sighed.

"Wrong because then this happened…this stupid…stupid…disease happened and I didn't know what to do because I didn't tell you and I felt like telling you now would be unfair and I…" She drew in a shaky breath, now feeling tears running down her face. "And it was unfair to Aly to not tell you and it was unfair to you…and then I just….I just…"

His arms wrapped tighter around her as he felt her back shake with the tremblings of a stifled sob. "It's okay," he whispered.

She looked up at him, her eyes as present as he'd seen them tonight. "I felt wrong because all I wanted was you. I was so scared and the only thing I wanted was you here with me and I know how selfish that sounds because I should have been thinking about you and Aly, but having you here and having you with her has been wonderful, but having you with me, having your support, being able to look at you and tell you how much I love you, how much I've missed you…"

"Shhhh…" He took a deep breath, forcing his body not to physically react to his words. In his mind, he replayed them. Afraid for a moment that he'd hallucinated—that she hadn't said the words that just moments ago he'd been certain he'd heard, but she had. She'd said she loved him…even if she might not remember it in the morning. He shook his head. "It's alright," he whispered. "I'm here now. I'm here."

He drew her close to his body, her head resting on his chest as he rubbed circles on her back to sooth her. He'd gladly stay there all night if that's what she needed. She pulled back quickly, her eyes flying open.

"You're growling," she said, a smile playing on her face again.

"What?" he stammered, the roller coaster of emotion becoming harder and harder to keep up with.

"You're making noise. You need food," she declared, hopping up off his lap and pulling him to his feet. "I'm gonna make you something."

His eyes narrowed as he followed her quickly inside. "Uh, Phyllis, that's okay, really. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

"Nope. Nope. You've helped me. I'm gonna help you. I just need to find one of those things…" She created gestures with her hands as she flung open kitchen cabinets.

"What are you looking for?" he asked, a little afraid of the answer.

"The round thing with the handle," she said.

"A frying pan?"

"Yes! That's it…where are those?"

He stood and reached into the cabinet, handing her one begrudgingly. "But really, you don't need to do this."

"I do…I'm going to make something delicious…but simple." Her eyes sparked as she reached her decision. "An omelet!" she shrieked. "It sounds relaxing doesn't it…like meditation….ommmm…let"

"Yeah," he sighed, feeling far from relaxed as he watched the egg crack over the pan.

* * *

"Well?" Phyllis paced up and down the length of the kitchen counter, rubbing her hands together as she watched him chew her culinary creation. "You're not saying anything? How is it?"

Billy swallowed hard, looking up and forcing a smile. "It's good. It's unlike anything I've ever tasted."

"Really?" she jumped up and down, clapping her hands. "You really like it."

"I love that you made it for me," he smiled, "but you know what, I think I've had enough and I don't really like to eat this late at night….it uh…it gives me weird dreams."

"Oh…" Phyllis wrinkled her nose. "Oh, that's alright. Well, we can just go back in the living room. I think there's some more brownies left."

* * *

"Billy?"

He shifted a bit, turning his head to look at her as she sat beside him, her head barely resting on his shoulder. "Yeah?" he whispered.

"Do you remember when we went to that restaurant that night…the one by that lake? You remember that?"

It was a spur of the moment thing. He'd managed to leave the office at a decent hour and she'd actually been able to walk away from Jabot on time and they'd decided to do something special. Neither of them had ever heard of the small bistro, but the view of the lake and its secluded charm made it an easy choice. As it turned out the owners were an elderly couple who had quite the love story of their own and they delighted in knowing they had a hand in making the day special for them.

"Of course I remember," Billy whispered. "That was an amazing day." He pressed his lips to her cheek, gently pulling her against him, "And," he whispered, "if I remember correctly, the night wasn't so bad either."

He heard her sigh and felt her breath against his face. "That was the night," she said softly.

"The night for what?" he asked, confused.

She blinked at him, her eyes suddenly heavy, fatigue taking over. "The night we made Aly," she managed, her words slurring a bit.

"Oh," he breathed, his hand slowly running down the length of her neck, his own eyes closing for a moment as he took a second to regain his own composure. "You know what," he whispered, "Why don't we get you to bed, okay?"

* * *

Her eyes fluttered open as she looked at him, his hands busily fluffing the pillows behind her head.

"Hey there," he sighed, "You need anything else?"

She smiled sweetly as she looked up at him. "No, I'm good," she whispered.

He nodded, leaning down to softly kiss her forehead before turning to walk from the room.

"Wait." Her voice was tense and when he turned back to face her, he could see the worry in her eyes.

"What? What's wrong?" He quickly closed the distance between them, his hand taking hers and slowly stroking her fingertips.

"Where are you going?"

"Just out here…to the living room. I thought you were tired…ready to go to sleep."

She nodded. "I am, but you're not staying?

"I.." He hesitated. "I didn't think you wanted me to stay. I usually…" Her eyes blinked back at him, confused.

"No one knows you're here," she said quietly. "You can stay. You can stay here tonight."

"Phyllis," he whispered. "You're just…You don't really know…" His resolve was already weakened, spending the entire night with her so close, feeling her in his arms again, hearing her say the words he'd dreamed of, and now she was practically inviting him into her bed. But…

"I think you're just really tired and I don't know if in the morning you might feel…"

"Billy."

He stopped again, the sound of her voice like a vice grip on his heart.

"Please don't leave me," she whispered, a slight tremor in her voice.

One look at her and it was over. He pulled back the covers, kicking off his shoes and lying down next to her. Within seconds, she was curled against him, her head against his chest as if she'd never been out of his arms. "I won't," he whispered. "I'll never ever leave you."


	17. Chapter 17

It was only a matter of time. Even without an alarm set, somehow the human body seemed to know when morning arrived and no matter how much he tried to prolong it, he knew the quiet moments holding her in his arms were limited. As she began to stir, he held his breath, hoping against all hope that she'd somehow drift back off again. Instead he watched as her bright green eyes fluttered open. It only took a moment for her to take stock of the situation, the confusion and panic evident on her face.

"What?" The words came out in a rushed breath as she struggled to sit up.

Billy reached out, supporting her back and easing her against the pillows. "It's alright," he whispered, "It's fine. Nothing happened."

The relief that flashed across her face was only visible for a second before the questioning look returned. "Something had to have happened, because you're here…in my bed with me and I…." She brought her hand to her head for a moment, the bits and pieces of the previous night seemingly just out of reach. "What exactly did happen last night?"

"You don't remember?" He tried hard not to smile as he flashed back to the more lighthearted moments. Watching her dance across the living room floor without a care in the world and listening to the musical sound of her laughter were things he could do for hours on end and never get bored.

"I remember bits…but then things are fuzzy…I'm guessing that's probably because of the pot." She sighed in frustration, running her fingers gently through her hair. He watched as she glanced down at her hand, a behavior that had now become habit—yet another sign of how life had changed so much for her in such a short amount of time.

Billy nodded. "Well, you've got that appointment with the doctors later. Why don't we go into the kitchen and I'll make you some breakfast and we can talk about what you do remember. Maybe I can help you fill in some blanks….if you're up for it."

"That sounds okay," she said slowly, taking the robe that he held out to her and slipping it on. She followed him out of the room, stopping as they walked into the living room, her eyes falling on the plate that sat on the coffee table.

"Oh, God," she sighed. Her cheeks flushed red as she looked up at him. "Did I?" She hung her head as her lips curved into a slight smile. "Oh…" she groaned. "I did, didn't I? Please tell me you didn't actually eat it?"

His soft laugh echoed through the room. "It wasn't _that_ bad," he grinned. "I mean, I've had worse."

"When and how is that even possible?" She bent down and used the fork to poke at the item on the plate. "What the hell even is this?"

"It's uh…supposed to be an omelet," he explained, "You wanted to make sure it was cooked thoroughly."

"I think you were safe." Her eyes drifted up to meet his, a soft smile resting on her face. "Why on earth would you eat that though?"

"It made you happy." The mood in the room seemed to shift and suddenly neither of them were joking. He felt the weight of her eyes on him as he continued. "Last night was the first time in so long that I'd seen you really happy. It was like it used to be. You were free and laughing and we were talking…really talking without agendas or filters."

"Billy." As she'd sat and listened to his words, she'd been replaying the events of last night. They ran through her mind like a movie. There were a few blips and some parts that weren't entirely clear, but she knew where this was going and she also knew where it had to end. "What I said…."

"You were being honest, Phyllis. You had no reason to lie, last night. You weren't able to lie last night. It was all true…everything you said, everything you did. It was the truth."

"It wasn't though. I wasn't thinking straight. I mean for God's sake, Billy. I clearly wasn't in full possession of mental faculties. I tried to cook for you. When I said that I…" She swallowed hard, the words still feeling incredibly weighted even as she said them to make a point, "that I loved you….I didn't really know what I was saying. I just I didn't mean it the way…"

Her breath left her body slowly as she prepared for the onslaught of emotions soon to be thrown her way. God did she love him, but now wasn't the time. She'd done enough keeping his daughter away from him for four years. It wasn't fair to him to bring him back into her life—into their lives—and suddenly drop these feelings into his lap- especially not with a future as uncertain as hers.

The feel of his hand on her cheek startled her and she jumped a bit in spite of herself. Her eyes were confused as they stared up at him, questioning, wondering, and brimming with tears.

"You know what," he said softly, "It doesn't matter. It's okay. If that's what you need to say….if that's what you need to believe, it's okay. That's fine. I know how you feel and no matter what you say today, I know that last night was real and there's nothing you will say or do to convince me otherwise." He smiled at her as he leaned in and placed a quick kiss on her cheek. "Now, you better get in here and let me make you some breakfast. We don't have much time before that appointment."

She sat still on the couch for a moment as she heard him enter the kitchen and begin to work. She shook her head slowly as she stood and slowly followed him.

* * *

"Did you talk to Avery?" Phyllis looked up as Billy walked back into the office, taking a seat in the chair beside her.

He nodded. "I did. She said there were no problems this morning, that Aly got up and went to school with no problems and that she'll pick her up and bring her home this afternoon unless she hears differently from us."

"Good. That's good."

"Hey." He reached out, taking her hand in his and squeezing it. "This is going to be okay. I know it's hard, but you've got to stay positive. We've been doing everything they asked. You've taken the treatments on schedule. You're getting plenty of rest….Eating as healthy as you can. There's no reason to think that you're not going to get great results today."

The words sounded pretty as they fell from his lips. Never before had he been so grateful that she couldn't read his thoughts. He promised her again and again that things would be okay, that he believed she'd beat this, that only good things were in store for them. In truth, he did believe the things he said…on most days. On other days, days like this—dark thoughts would invade his mind. Horrible, terrifying thoughts that made him doubt everything he said and did. There were times when he'd catch a glimpse of her, of the now incredibly obvious bones in her wrist, of the thinning of her hair, or the prominence of her jaw and he'd find himself wondering if she was somehow slipping away—if he needed to be realistic. Was he somehow being less supportive by being overly positive? Should be admit these horrible fears, these dreadful thoughts? Would it be easier for her if she knew he too spent hours staring at the ceiling, praying and hoping that she had the strength to make it?

"Billy!"

He jumped. "Yeah…yeah, sorry. I drifted off there for a minute. Did you say something?"

"I just said maybe we could take Aly out for ice cream or something tonight since I don't have a treatment today—take advantage of my actually being able to eat something sweet for a change."

"That sounds good. Yeah. That sounds nice." He smiled at her, his eyes burning a bit as she smiled back at him. The sound of the door opening behind them jarred them both back to reality and he felt her hand tremble as the doctor entered the room.

Time seemed to slow to a stop as he watched him nod politely and extend his hand to them before walking around the desk to sit in the chair. Billy watched as he opened his file, raising his eyes to look at them for the first time since he'd entered the room.

He turned for a moment, his eyes watching Phyllis, his hand squeezing hers tighter as he saw the tears begin to stream down her face. He didn't have to say a word. She already knew.

* * *

"We should go," she said quickly, moving to stand as he reached out and pulled her back to the sitting position.

"Phyllis, wait. Please. Dr. Povy said we were his last patients before lunch. He said we were welcome to stay for a bit. Just wait a minute." His hand brushed against her face gently, the tears slowing finally. "I know it sounds horrible, but the important thing is there's something they can do."

"They _think_ there's something they can do. You heard what he said. There's no guarantee that anything will work. They're going in there like I'm some kind of damn lab rat. They've got no idea what they'll have to do, how much they have to take, if they can even take what they need to take."

"I know. I know it sounds scary, but he sounded very positive about this course of treatment. He said if you.."

"He sounded pretty damn positive about the last course of treatment too and look how that's going." She took a breath, closing her eyes for a moment. "I'm sorry," she breathed. "I don't mean to yell at you. I'm just…." She said quietly for a moment, allowing the words to spin around in her mind for a moment before she allowed them to reach her lips. Her eyes met his again, their pain seeming immeasurable as the words fell from her mouth. "I don't want to die, Billy."

The words often thought but rarely said….the words he'd been afraid to even speak out loud…the ones that he hated himself for even allowing to run through his mind were now the very ones that hung in the air between them. There was no appropriate response. There was nothing _right_ to say.

He reached out, pulling her tight against him, feeling her body release into a tortured sob as he let his head fall against her shoulder. "You won't," he whispered. "I won't let you."


	18. Chapter 18

"Hey." He slowly pushed open the door his steps hesitating a bit as he saw her turn her head towards him. "You should be sleeping."

"I couldn't." She followed him with her eyes and shifted her legs as he sat down on the edge of the bed next to her. The shaky breath seemed to beckon the tears that she'd managed not to cry until she saw the look in his eyes—until she was, yet again, forced to face everything she could be losing. "I don't think I can do it, Billy."

"I know. I know it seems impossible right now, but…"

"No." She shook her head, her eyes staring into his once more. She'd spent the better part of the night thinking about it, going over and over the potential outcomes in her mind. "You don't understand."

"Then help me." His hand found hers again, just as it always did.

"I mean…I don't think I can do it anymore."

His eyes widened as the reality of her words hit him. "Wait..what are you saying, Phyllis? You don't mean.."

"Do you have any idea what it feels like to what yourself fade away? Every single day another piece of me disappears and now they want me to be okay with them doing a surgery that has no limits. They don't know how much they have to take or if it will work or what else they'll need to do. It's like this neverending cycle of pain and I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to constantly feel like a burden. I don't…"

His fingertips covered her mouth, his voice thick with emotion as he struggled to find the right words to say. "You would never be a burden…ever. Don't you know that?"

She smiled, tears still falling slowly down her cheeks. She clasped her hand on top of his as he reached to wipe them away. "I know you say that now and I believe that you mean it, but I don't want you to have to take care of me. I don't want to need to be taken care of. I don't want that for you or me, but I especially don't want that for Aly. I want her to have a Mom that can do all the fun things that mothers and daughters do."

"And she will….she will have that. You'll get better and stronger and when you get through this you and Aly will do all those things." His mind seemed to spin inside his head, the words and thoughts all scrambling together.

"Maybe," she whispered, "Or maybe this is the only future I'll ever have…the constant treatments and surgeries and new experimental therapies that will nothing but prolong the inevitable."

"It's not inevitable. Don't say that. Don't talk like this is over. It is not over. You don't quit. If I know anything about you—it's that. You don't give up. You fight. You're strong. You're the strongest woman I've ever known."

"Billy." She smiled, the look in his eyes the look she'd seem so many times before. He needed to see the fight in her, the fire he loved so much, but that fire was gone at the moment and in its place was something that terrified her just as much as it terrified him. She had to face the facts—the truth—this could be the end. This could be the way their story really ended. "Maybe this is the strongest choice," she whispered. "Maybe admitting that this isn't something I can beat..maybe admitting that it's okay to walk away from a fight…maybe that's what I should teach our daughter."

"No." His voice shook as he stared at her. His mind couldn't even handle the thought of losing her. "That's not the lesson here. That's not what she needs to learn from you right now. The doctor said the surgery is the best chance. He said they could go in and possible remove it all, Phyllis. You could be cancer free. All you'd need is a few more treatments and this entire nightmare could be over."

"It'll never be over…don't you get that." She looked away from him, feeling ashamed to even say give a voice to the other thoughts that consumed her. "Even if the surgery works…even if they can remove all the cancer, it's a possibility that I'll never be myself again." She glanced back at him, hoping he understood, but she could tell by the confused expression that she didn't follow. She took a breath, trying again, "I'll never be the woman you knew, the woman you loved once, the woman you wanted…"

His eyes closed as her voice trailed off. "We've talked about this," he said softly. "It isn't about that. It's never been about that."

"I know, but it's about that for me…and I know it shouldn't be, but…"

He stood up quickly, the fear and sadness suddenly giving way to anger. "So, what am I supposed to say, Phyllis?" The words came from his mouth quickly as he whirled back around to stare at her? "What am I supposed to tell Aly when she wants to know why her Mom can't be with her anymore? Do I tell her it was vanity? Is that what I'm supposed to say?!"

It was the look on her face that broke him—that sent him quickly rushing back over to the side of the bed and gathering her into his arms. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that…I'm sorry."

"No..No…You're right. I wasn't thinking about her..about how she'd feel to know I could have tried and I didn't…like I made a choice to leave her." Tears streamed down her face as she pulled back to look at him. "You're right. You are. She needs to know that I did everything I could…that I tried everything..no matter what it took…that I did everything I could to be here with her, to stay here with her."

"With us," he said quietly, wiping her face with his hands. He smiled softly at her as he watched her nod slowly. "So you'll do it? You'll have the surgery."

"Yeah," she whispered. "I'll do it…only one thing..I just have one condition."

"Name it."

"Aly—we never got to have that night she wanted…with all of us together cooking here. Can we do that? Can we have a night with just us, together, all of us here…just in case?"

"Yes…Of course we can, but not just in case…just because, alright?"

* * *

"I hear her Daddy!" Aly called from the living room.

Phyllis walked into the room, smiling as her daughter ran into her arms. "Hey, sweet girl! You and Daddy already getting a head start on dinner?"

"Noooo," Aly grinned, looking up at her. "We were waiting for you. Daddy's gonna teach us how to make pesto."

Phyllis looked up with a surprised smile as Billy walked into the room. "Pesto, huh? So much for keeping things simple."

"Pesto is simple," he scoffed. He laughed softly as Aly twirled around the room far too excited to stand still. "We're having tortellini with chicken and pesto, some roasted vegetables, and for dessert…" He pointed to Aly, who grinned broadly.

"Chocolate cake," she announced.

"Well," Phyllis smiled, "that certainly sounds like plenty to keep everyone busy. Just let me go change."

"Why? You look pretty." Aly rushed over to stand next to her, her hands running over the silky fabric of the shawl draped over Phyllis' shoulders. "Don't you think she looks pretty, Daddy?"

Billy felt his face flush a bit. He certainly didn't need another look. His eyes had been fixed on her since the moment she'd walked in the door. Avery had invited her to a women's expo at the local country club and she'd spent the afternoon with her there. It hadn't been especially formal, but it had given her an excuse to put on a dress and some makeup and, since the surgery had given her a bit of a break from treatments, she actually had the energy to do it.

He couldn't help but notice how the dress fell a little looser than normal but she was still as gorgeous as ever and his heart pained a bit as he remembered the fears she'd whispered to him. Though he had no doubt he'd love her no matter what, he knew how much her looks meant to her and it would break his heart to think she didn't feel beautiful.

"Daddy?" Aly repeated.

"She does," he said, smiling at her. "She absolutely does." His eyes met hers for a moment, the familiar surge of energy passing between them even across the room. "I'm with Aly on this one. Don't change."

She swallowed hard as his weighted words echoed throughout the now quiet room. "Alright," she whispered. "I won't."

* * *

Phyllis laughed as she watched Aly place every piece of pasta into the water individually. Billy took a step towards her, leaning in close, "You aren't exceptionally hungry I hope," he grinned.

"I'm good," she whispered, "But she's having a blast. Thank you for this."

"You don't need to thank me. I'm having a great time too. I love spending time with her. She's an amazing little girl…reminds me a lot of you." He stood next to her for a moment, the familiar pull still there between them.

"Mommy should help too." Aly's voice rang out as she looked back at them. "It's only fair."

Billy laughed softly. "I guess you're right. Maybe Mommy can help me get the cake ready?"

"Oh dear…you're gonna trust me with the best part?" Phyllis slid slowly off the stool and walked over towards the counter.

"Don't worry." Billy stood behind her, his arms reaching around to hold onto hers as stood in front of the mixer, "I'll be right here."

If there had been a gun to her head, she wouldn't have been able to recall a single ingredient that had gone into that batter. It took every ounce of her concentration to remain upright as he stood behind her and narrated every move he made, his voice low, his breath warm as his lips danced close to her ear.

"I think it's mixed enough," she said finally, moving back, needing desperately some room to breath before she lost what little was left of her composure.

She turned to see the smile on his face. "What?" she asked.

"It's uh…it's just you have some chocolate on your face," he said softly, his lips curling into a devilish grin.

"Where?" She turned, attempting to see herself in the stainless steel reflection.

"I'll get it." He reached up, swiping off the small batter speck with his fingertip and quickly licking it off. His eyes were heavy on hers and she felt the room begin to tilt.

"Billy," she whispered, "I…."

"Is it almost ready?" Aly chirped. "I'm hungry."

Billy sighed as he brushed the hair away from her face, feeling her tremble slightly with his touch. "Yeah," he said, glancing back at his smiling daughter and putting space between them again. "Yeah, I think it is."

* * *

Phyllis shifted a bit on the couch, careful not to move too much and wake Aly. "Bet you never figured you'd get this acquainted with Disney princesses, huh?" she grinned, her voice a hushed whisper.

Billy smiled, glancing down at Aly's sleeping face. "Loved every minute. Seriously," He stopped, his eyes moving back up, "I can't tell you how much it means to me to be with her..with you…like this. It's what I've always wanted…this kind of family and to get the chance to have it."

She nodded, the ever present thought running through her head once more. "I know," she whispered, "It's what I wanted too and I'm so grateful that we get the chance even if…well, you know…"

"It's not. Everything is going to be fine. Okay?" He squeezed her hand across the back of the couch. "You want me to get her, I'll carry her to her room." He started to move as he felt her hand tighten on his arm.

"Actually, could we maybe not…I just…Could we just stay here tonight? I know it sounds strange, but this…the three of us here…together." She let her eyes close for a moment, fighting the tears that wanted to flow. She didn't want to cry tonight. "I know you say everything will be fine and I want to believe you, but just in case it isn't…just in case this is the last night that everything really is fine, can we just be here together like this? Just one more time…just for tonight?"

She watched as he let his head fall against the back of the couch, his fingertips softly locking in with hers. Nothing else was said because nothing needed to be. If this was how it ended, it ended well.


	19. Chapter 19

"What?" She forced a smile as she turned around to face him. "You just gonna stand there and stare at me or you gonna help me?"

Billy nodded and stepped into the room, quickly taking the clothing from her hands and helping her load it into the suitcase. "Honestly, I was half expecting you to be climbing out the window or something. I was afraid maybe you'd change your mind about this."

The sigh was shaky as it left her lips and she sat down on the edge of the bed next to him. "I'm not going to lie and say the thought hasn't crossed my mind, but every time it does I think about Aly. I think about having to explain to her that I chose not to try this…that I chose to just give up and I don't ever want her to think that she wasn't worth absolutely anything I have to go through in order to be here for her."

"And you know I'll be here too, right—both for you and for Aly. I mean that…whatever you need. I'll be right here throughout all of this."

"I know," she breathed, her voice barely a whisper.

He could see the fear in her eyes as she looked up at him and it seemed so foreign. It had become the norm to see her as fiery and feisty and now, to watch her hurt, to see her afraid, to truly have to accept that she was far from unbreakable—it humbled him and terrified him..all at the same time.

"You know…" His voice rang out stronger now, needing to say or do something to stop the thoughts in his head. "I know you hate being cooped up in that hospital, but I'm glad they're keeping you there for a couple of days before the surgery. I mean it's good…it's the safest bet. They can run your labs and make sure everything's where it should be…make sure you've got all the fluids you need, keep you free from any kind of germs and infection."

"Yeah. I know it makes sense, but I just hate to be away from Aly any longer than I absolutely have to be. I want to spend every second with her in case…" She stopped herself then, knowing how he hated her to even think such things, much less say them out loud, but she couldn't stop the thoughts that invaded her mind. To her surprise he didn't argue this time.

"I'll bring her," he said softly, his hand sweeping softly against her cheek. "If they'll let her visit in the gown and mask, I'll bring her in and if not she can FaceTime with you."

"Thank you…the fact that you'd think of that, that you'd do that…it means so much to me…and I don't know how I can ever…"

"You're not going to try and thank me again, because I know we've had this conversation several times." He smiled softly at her as he zipped up the suit case and picked it up off the bed. "Trust me, you are all paid up."

Phyllis stood still as he headed out of the room with the suitcase. Her eyes roamed the bedroom, taking in the moment and everything that surrounded her. She caught Billy's gaze, his eyes heavy on her as he stood in the doorway. He said nothing but she knew he understood. The look on his face told her that he knew what she was thinking and feeling. She fought for composure as she drew in a deep breath and the warmth of his hand grasping hers was the only thing she had to cling to as she walked from her doorway for what she feared might be the last time.

"Wait," she said softly, as they headed for the front door. "Just wait a minute. I forgot something." He nodded as she rushed back into the bedroom, heading over to the nightstand and folding up the sheet of paper. She pulled out the drawer, grabbing an envelope and quickly placing the sheets inside. Her hand trembled a bit as she haphazardly scribbled his name on the front and then placed the envelope back inside…with all the others.

* * *

"You're sure you've got everything you need?"

"Yes, I'm sure…besides, I've got the call button right here if I need anything."

"I know…I get it. I'm being a little ridiculous, but I don't want you to have to call some strange nurse. I promised you I'd be here for you and that's exactly what I plan on doing." Billy drew in a deep breath as he looked around the room, checking for any sign of anything that she could possibly want or need.

"Billy," she groaned, leaning her head back against the pillows, "I promise, you have handled everything and I will be absolutely fine while you go handle the paperwork. Besides, I promised I'd give Avery a call when we got here and got settled. That's what I'll be doing. I won't even have time to miss you." She grinned at him as she saw him relax slightly, nodding at her before finally stepping out into the hallway.

She took the phone in her hand, dialing Avery's number quickly. "Hey," she said, her eyes fixed on the door, "I don't have much time, but I wanted to check in with you about what we talked about the other day. Were you able to get everything changed over like I wanted?" She sighed in relief as she allowed her eyes to close. "That's great, Avery. Thank you. Thank you so much….and when they get everything processed they'll just send it on over, right?" She nodded. "Okay. Yeah. We're all set up here…just in wait mode at this point."

The sigh was almost involuntary as she allowed herself to relax a bit in the bed, her mind drifting away from Avery's incessant chatter. She knew she was just trying to distract her, but there was no amount of idle chit chat that could allow her to forget the magnitude of what she had signed up for. On some level, Avery seemed to recognize her lack of interest and she heard her voice increase in intensity as she called her name.

"Phyllis!"

"Yeah, sorry.."

"I'll pick up Aly this afternoon and keep her overnight as long as you need me to and Billy said he would come by and check in on her and maybe bring her up to the hospital if you can have visitors."

She found herself nodding—a silly habit while talking on the phone, but something she supposed everyone did out of a habit. "Yeah," she said softly, "he said he'd bring her by before the surgery so that I could say…" Her voice almost broke as she considered the true reasons behind the visit.

"Sweetie." She could hear the tremble in her sister's voice and she knew the break was coming.

"You know what, Avery—actually I'm gonna have to let you go. They uh..they need to do some bloodwork….I'll uh..call you back later." She quickly pressed the button on the phone and sat it down on the table beside the bed. Her heart beat faster as she bit down on the inside of her lip, the physical pain providing a much needed distraction from the horrific thoughts that swirled through her brain.

It wasn't that the thoughts were anything new—it was just that being here, being in this bed, being surrounded by people that were weak and frail, it made it more real, more true, more possible. Drawing up the papers had been something she'd been considering since before Billy had even been back in the picture. She'd mentioned it to Avery right after the diagnosis, her mind automatically thinking about Aly and about what she would want for her if she couldn't be there. Lately though, with Billy in both of their lives, the reasoning had become more personal, and much more poignant.

Having watched him with her over the last few months, it seemed impossible to fathom a life without him in it. Aly had loved him and warmed to him instantly and he was the same with her. She'd always known he would be a good and attentive father, but the way he was with her exceeded every hope or expectation she'd ever dreamed of.

And that was why, it was no longer enough just to ensure he would be her legal guardian, she also had to take the extra steps and make sure she had his name. It would mean something to him and she knew it. When she'd mentioned it to Avery over brunch, her sister had suggested she wait until after things had calmed down, but she'd explained that wasn't an option. This needed to happen now…she wanted it in place just in case…..

She hadn't been able to finish the sentence that day either. She didn't need to. Everyone knew the end of the sentence even if no one wanted to say it.

Phyllis looked up at the sound of the door opening. Billy's bright smile instantly lifted her mood and she forced a smile of her own as she looked back at him. "You get everything taken care of?"

"Yep." He walked over to the side of the bed, taking her hand in his and looking into her eyes. "Anything you need?"

"Yes," she sighed. "I need you to get out of here for a while. There's no reason for you to spend your entire day up here. Nothing's gonna happen today and I know you have work you could be doing."

"There's plenty of things I could be doing, yes, but this is the only thing I want to be doing." He stared at her, preparing himself for the inevitable battle of wills.

"Do me a favor. Just go and spend some time with Aly. She'll be getting out of school soon and even though she's young, I know she knows this is kind of serious and I'd like her to feel like things are as normal as possible right now. Maybe you could pick up a snack or something for her and bring her by to see me before things get all crazy?" She batted her eyes at him, arching her eyebrows as she titled her head slightly.

She smiled as she heard his soft laugh.

"Seriously," he muttered, "Does anyone every say no to you?"

"It's been known to happen," she grinned. "But hopefully it won't become a habit with you."

"Not a chance," he whispered, leaning in and quickly kissing her cheek. "I'll be back soon with Aly." His hand gestured to the cell on his side, "And I have my phone…you call me if you need anything, okay?"

She nodded, keeping the smile plastered on her face until he left the room. Her eyes fluttered closed as she let the tears slide down her cheeks. Sometimes even Billy didn't need to see her truth.


	20. Chapter 20

It already felt wrong. He gently pushed the door closed behind him as he stepped further into the room, the uneasy silence hitting him like a punch in the gut. There was supposed to be life in this space—Aly's constant chattering, that he had finally convinced Phyllis to stop apologizing for, Phyllis' musical laughter, the slightly maddening but infuriatingly catchy theme songs of Aly's favorite tv shows….it was all supposed to echo through this place, but instead it was quiet.

Billy shook his head, already feeling his eyes burning with tears, the thought—the one that he tried to keep from entering his brain taking advantage of the quiet moment and trying to sneak into his consciousness. He took a deep breath, remembering his purpose.

Quickly he walked towards Aly's room, his feet heading over to her bookshelf, stopping only to pick up a small cloth bag from the corner. More than anything he wanted to keep things normal for her. She was just a little girl and she didn't need to have to worry about how drastically her life could have to change. As much as he could, he would keep things the same for her. Phyllis read to her every night, sometimes from her collection of children's books and sometimes from Aly's favorite. He filled the bag with a few books he'd seen her choose time and time and headed into Phyllis' room to retrieve the best of the best.

It was where it always was—the top drawer of the nightstand. Almost every night you could find Aly there, snuggled up beside her, listening intently as her mother read every word. He could still remember how surprised he'd been to realize Phyllis read to her from the original novel—the Peter Pan written in 1911, the one that was very different from the Disney version most children knew and loved. Even now, he could still hear the words, just as clearly as if she'd been standing in front of him, " _Real life doesn't always have happy endings, Billy_."

He held the book tight in his hand as he slipped it into the bag, reaching down and grabbing a few of the novels still sitting by her bed. Surely she'd need something to help her pass the time as well. Now, he simply needed to get out of this place. Nothing seemed right without them there. In a way he felt like an interloper, as if he was here without permission. He didn't want to come back here without them and in truth, he wasn't sure if he ever could.

* * *

"Are you sure we couldn't bring Mommy something to eat?"

"Hey," he whispered, bending down a bit to meet his daughter's downcast gaze. "We are bringing Mommy something. We're bringing her her most favorite visitor in the whole wide world….and we've got the present you picked out, remember?" He smiled as he watched her face transform into a smile. "I know you wanted to bring Mommy something to eat, but the doctors don't want her to eat before she has the do surgery. It helps the medicine work better if you don't have anything in your stomach."

Aly nodded. "Maybe I shouldn't eat either," she said quietly.

"No. Mommy would want you to eat. In fact, I bet it'll make her feel a lot better to know that you're eating and feeling good, okay?" Aly nodded as she waited for the elevator doors to open.

"Billy?"

Billy turned, surprised to see Avery step up beside them. "Avery, what are you doing here? I didn't know you were coming to visit tonight."

"Oh, I…uh…" She glanced away for a moment, looking instead over to Aly and smiling at her as she ran her fingers through her soft hair. "I uh..I thought you and Aly were going to get dinner. That's what you said when you picked her up, right?"

"Yeah, we were, but Aly decided she'd rather pick up something and bring it up here so she could spend more time with her mother." He paused as the elevator chimed and the all stepped in. Carefully, he eased Aly onto the other side so he stood next to Avery. Lowering his voice he leaned in closer, "Why exactly are you here tonight?"

A burst of nervous laughter left her lips as her mind drifted to the files clenched under her arm. "I'm here for the same reason you are of course. I'm here to see my sister."

"Well, if I'd known you were coming you could have brought Aly by…it would have saved me the trip. You'd think you would have said something, or offered…you know…"

Her heart beat so fast and hard she'd swear one would be able to hear it echoing off the metal walls of the elevator. "I just didn't think of it…I'm sorry. It was thoughtless of me…and…."

"Avery." His eyes stared into hers. "What's going on?"

Phyllis had told her many times about those eyes, about how they could see into her soul and, standing there now, being on the receiving end of their heavy gaze, Avery understood. In that moment, she wondered if Billy Abbott truly had the ability to read her thoughts. Maybe he knew—somehow—what she was thinking.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice trembling. "I can't tell you. It's…" Subconsciously she gripped the file with her hand—or maybe it wasn't subconscious at all—maybe it was her desire to do right by her sister overwhelming her desire to follow the letter of the law.

"What is that?"

She froze. He didn't miss a beat.

"Under your arm—that file there. What is that?"

"Billy. If I could tell you, I would. I swear…but this isn't my business. I was asked to do something and that's what I did. Phyllis has to make the decision about whether or not she…." It was look in his eyes as she said her name that made the decision. She felt the breath leave her lips slowly as the elevator doors chimed. Wordlessly she stepped out first, letting the file fall to the floor. Glancing back over her shoulder, she locked eyes with him. "I'm just gonna get a cup of coffee before I go in." Then, looking at Aly, she added, "And I bet you didn't think to get anything for dessert, did you? Why don't you come with me and we'll see if they have anything sweet in the café?"

Aly looked up at Billy for permission and he nodded quickly before he stooped down and began to gather the strewn papers. He glanced up at Avery, his eyes saying the thanks his mouth couldn't and she nodded in response.

"We won't be long," she whispered.

He held the papers in his fingertips, his hand already shaking as he anticipated the contents. Wearily he shuffled over to the corner of the hallway, placing the bag filled with takeout containers in an empty chair beside him as he opened the file and began to read.

The lines seemed to blur as he read the words over and over again. It wasn't that he didn't understand them, or that he had any difficultly comprehending their meaning, it was simply that he couldn't understand why should would take this kind of action—why she would do something so drastic. Her will had been rewritten to include him as Aly's father and legal guardian—an action that somehow simultaneously touched and broke him. More than anything in the world, he wanted to be included in Aly's life, but not if it meant losing Phyllis.

And then there was this—He gripped the page in his hand tight, the act of not ripping it to shreds taking every ounce of restraint he could muster. Phyllis Summers should never sign a DNR. She was too full of life, too full of fire, too full of promise. She didn't give up and that's what this was…a document giving the doctors permission to give up. He wouldn't stand for it.

He jumped to his feet, sheer adrenaline and indignation driving him. Grabbing the food in his hand, he bolted towards the hospital room door, pausing for a moment to glance through the small window that allowed him to see inside. She lay there, eyes closed and completely still. Her hair had thinned to the point that you could see her scalp and her skin was pale, the once flawless complexion now covered with red and purple abrasions.

It was then that he felt the warm tear fall from his eye, the lump in his throat growing and forcing him to swallow hard to keep his composure. The once exhilarating ire was now gone and in its place was a soul cutting fear. What if this wasn't an irrational action by a woman that simply feared the worst? What if she was trying to let go…..

He shook his head, banishing the very thought. Even if she was trying…he couldn't. He could never ever let go….not again.


	21. Chapter 21

Her eyes opened quickly as she heard the door open. "Billy," she breathed, pushing her body up as best she could on the shifting pillows. He watched as her eyes scanned the room. "Where's Aly? I thought you were bringing her back with you tonight."

"Yeah. I was." He swallowed hard, his fingers still clenched tight around the documents. His feet felt like bricks as he forced his body to move forward, placing the bag of food on the tray table by the bed and moving closer to the bed. "Phyllis," he began.

The monitor next to the bed chirped in tandem with the look of sheer terror that settled on her face. "Oh God," she managed, her hand moving to clench her chest. "Is something wrong? Did something happen with Aly? Is she okay?"

"No. No.." He reached for her hand quickly, sitting down on the bed in the space next to her legs, allowing the papers to hang by the bedside still clenched in his free hand. "Aly's fine. She's here. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Thank God." Relief flooded her body as she stared at him, waiting for the moment he too would relax, but he didn't. "Billy…Is something wrong? Where's Aly?"

All the bravado from earlier was gone, all the questions fueled by righteous indignation seemed petty and insignificant now, all the anger had shifted and made way for the fear and hurt that seemed far too consuming and felt all too real.

"She's with Avery." The look in her eyes was immediate. "They went to get something for dessert from the café. They'll be back in a bit."

"Avery's here?" Her voice shook as she said the words, a small part of her hoping he didn't know. "Did uh..did you talk to her?" One look in his eyes gave her the answer and she allowed her own to close for a moment as she pondered how to answer the myriad of questions she knew he had. "So go ahead," she said softly, "Yell at me. Scream at me. I know you're angry. Just go ahead."

He stood, turning away from her for a moment. The silence settled over them like a heavy weight that seemed to squeeze every bit air from the room.

"Billy," she whispered, "Please….just say something." She drew in a quick breath as he turned back towards her, his eyes shining and wet with tears.

"Angry? You think I'm angry? You think that's why I came in here to talk to you? Because I want to scream and yell and berate you—Is that honestly what you think?" He closed the distance between them, returning to the bed and sitting down next to her again. "Phyllis, I just want to understand. I need to understand why you would do this…not only that—why you would do it without me?"

"If it's not what you want," she said softly, "I can talk to Avery and…"

She jumped as he slammed the papers down on the tray by the bed, his sudden outburst startling her.

"Damn it, Phyllis—none of this is what I want!" He stopped immediately, taking a breath and lowering his voice, bringing his hand to her face as he saw the startled expression. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant…." His hands trembled as he allowed the breath to push through his lips as his eyes met hers once more. "You know how much it means to me to be a part of Aly's life and knowing that you went back and included me on all the documents, that you made it official…legally, that means the world to me, but I don't understand why you did it without me, why you didn't want me to know."

"I just thought you would think it meant that I was giving up….and that's not what this is, Billy. I just want to know that Aly is taken care of. I need to have that peace. I need to know that no matter what happens she'll be with someone that loves her as much as I do." She reached out, finding his hand easily and smiling as she took it, "And I know you do."

He nodded. "I do. I would do anything in the world for Aly…and I get it..I get needing to know that she's okay. I understand that, but…"

His brain could barely comprehend the concept. "About the other document…."

She winced, the look in his eyes as painful as a slap across the face would have been.

"How could you sign something like that?" he breathed, "We talked about this…about the fact that you were going to fight, that you would do whatever it took to beat this, that you wanted to be able to tell Aly that you did anything and everything to stay here with her and then you go and sign this paper that gives these doctors the ability to give up…that gives you the ability to give up? I don't…." His words failed him as his eyes stared into hers. "I need you to help me here, Phyllis because I don't get this."

"That's not what the document says and it's certainly not what I mean. I'm here because I'm fighting. I wouldn't be able to go into this surgery if I didn't plan on fighting, but I also know that this surgery, just like any other, has risks. Things happen every day and I don't want you or our daughter to spend the rest of your lives taking care of me. I don't to be dependent on machines to live. If I beat this and get my life back—I want my whole life back, not a semblance of what it used to be."

"When you beat this," Billy said quietly, reaching up to brush the tears off her cheeks.

"What?" she said quietly.

"You said _if_ you beat this and it's not _if_ it's _when_."

Phyllis smiled slightly. "Right," she said softly, " _When_ I beat this…" She sighed as she looked up at him, "Please try and understand. The last thing I want to do is make you feel like I'm trying to exclude you or make you think I don't appreciate everything you've done and everything you're doing. I just…I…"

"It's alright." His hand rested on her neck, his eyes now softer as he looked at her. "I just need you to know something. A little over four years ago, you walked out of my life and one of the biggest mistakes I ever made was not following you and doing whatever it took to make things work. When Aly called me that night, I didn't just come here for her—I came here for you too. I needed to see you both. I needed to get to know my daughter, but I needed to make things right with you too. I love Aly. She means the world to me, but so do you and now that I've found you again and I've had a chance to see what a life with you and our daughter could be like, I can't lose you. I love you too much to let you go again."

"You didn't give her the present yet, did you Daddy?"

Billy turned, clearing his throat as Aly rushed over to him. "Of course not," he smiled, "I was waiting for you." He lifted her up, allowing her to snuggle against Phyllis for a moment before he stood up. "You ready to eat?"

Aly looked over at Phyllis. "I wanted to get you something, but Daddy said the doctors won't let you have any real food."

Phyllis wrinkled her nose and sighed dramatically. "Daddy's right, but you know what." She pointed up to a bag, "They're giving me sugar in that bag right there to keep me from being hungry."

"That's sugar?" Aly's eyes widened.

Avery stepped over towards Billy as Aly chatted with Phyllis. "Is everything okay?" she asked, her voice a hushed whisper.

Billy nodded. "Yeah, we talked. It's okay."

"You know what, I'm going to take off and give the three of you some time. I'll be back in the morning in time for the big send off." She stepped over to Phyllis' bedside and leaned in for a quick hug. "Sorry," she whispered, flashing apologetic eyes at her sister as she pulled back.

"It's okay," Phyllis smiled. "It actually worked out for the best."

"I'll see you in a little bit," Avery said, as she leaned over and rustled Aly's hair before heading out the door.

* * *

Aly yawned as she leaned against Phyllis' shoulder.

"I think it might be time for us to head out," Billy said quietly, glancing at Phyllis and letting his eyes drift over towards Aly's face for a moment.

"Yeah, I think Daddy's right." She looked down at Aly, "But just as soon as she doctors say it's okay, you can come visit me, okay?"

"Do I have to go now?" Aly asked softly, wrapping her arms around Phyllis' torso, her small voice now beginning to tremble.

"Wait a minute." Billy stood, grateful for the momentary reprieve, "You know what we almost forgot, Aly? We almost forgot Mommy's present. You want to give it to her?"

The change in expression was quick and remarkable and Aly jumped off the bed nearly tripping over her feet in her haste to make way towards Billy. She grabbed the gift bag and headed back to Phyllis, handing her the bag with excited eyes. "I picked it out myself," she said cheerfully.

"Well, I'm sure I'm going to love it," Phyllis marveled as she reached inside and shifted the tissue paper. She pulled out a frame, her eyes immediately filling with tears as she stared at it.

Aly backed up, walking towards Billy, who placed his hands on her shoulders. . "Do you like it?" Aly said, a hint of concern in her soft voice? She glanced up at Billy, her eyes concerned. "She's not smiling, Daddy. I don't think she likes it."

"Oh, sweetie. I absolutely love it," Phyllis managed, finally forcing her voice to cooperate. "I love it so much that I couldn't come up with the right words there for a minute." Her fingertips lightly traced the engraved letters that spelled _FAMILY_ on the bottom of the frame and she couldn't help but smile as she looked at Aly's drawing inside.

Aly rushed back over towards her. "See." She reached up, her small fingers hovering over the stick figures. "That's you, that's me, and that's Daddy." She smiled as she glanced back at her mother before adding, "I was gonna draw Aunt Avery too, but I ran out of room." She sighed, brushing it off. "I thought you could keep this in your room while you got better so you wouldn't forget about us."

Phyllis reached out, pulling her daughter closer to her. "You listen to me," she whispered, willing herself to keep it together, "I could never ever forget about you, okay? You are always in my thoughts and you are always in my heart…Alright?"

Aly nodded, her bright smile an indication of the true innocence of a child.

Billy stepped closer, "Aly, why don't get all the takeout stuff together so we can throw it away on our way out, okay?" He waited until she was engrossed in her task before turning towards Phyllis. "We didn't get a chance to finish our conversation from earlier." His hand swept away the hair that fell against her face. "After I drop Aly off at Avery's, I'm going to come back. I'll stay the night and we can talk."

The door opened slowly as a nurse stepped in. "Knock Knock," she said with a polite smile. "Sorry to interrupt, but I need to give Ms. Summers her medications. We're going to give you a little something to help you rest tonight."

"Is that really necessary?" Phyllis asked, glancing over at Billy. "We needed a bit more time to talk tonight and…"

She smiled. "You'll have to talk in the morning I'm afraid."

"Well, I don't suppose there's any need in you coming back up here since I'm just going to be sleeping anyway. Can we finish this in the morning?"

Billy nodded. "Of course we can, but I'm still coming back. I promised you I'd be here every step of the way and that's exactly what I plan on doing." Billy walked over towards Aly, helping her throw the takeout containers away and lifting her to give Phyllis a kiss before they headed out of the room.

Phyllis sighed as she lay back against the pillows.

"The two of you a thing?," the nurse asked, a coy smile plastered on her face.

"It's complicated," Phyllis sighed. "We used to be and then we weren't, but now…honestly I'm not sure."

She made a note on the chart as she turned and walked towards the door. She hesitated for just a moment before walking out. "You might not be sure," she said, her hand hovering over the light switch for just a moment, "but he is."

The light vanished from the room as Phyllis lay there and slowly drifted off to sleep.


	22. Chapter 22

Billy nodded politely as he passed the nurse's station. Even though Phyllis' had only been in the hospital for a few days, he'd grown quite familiar with the staff that sat behind the desk. Many times he'd passed through the hallways, stepping outside to make phone calls to check in back home or calling Avery's to check in on Aly—he always made sure to be friendly and polite—as if somehow going that extra mile might make a difference.

It had been hard leaving Aly tonight. She was young, but very perceptive and she knew tomorrow was an important day. She also knew, no matter how much he tried to put on a brave face, that he was worried. There had been a series of questions, questions he didn't know quite how to answer. Children wanted to know everything, all the ins and outs, the whys and hows, and he couldn't tell her that. He couldn't tell her something he didn't know himself. The questions still echoed in his mind, 'Why is Mommy sick?', 'Mommy will be okay, right?', 'This is gonna make Mommy all better again?' His best answers weren't good enough and he'd found himself relieved when she'd finally drifted off to sleep.

Now he stood outside the door of Phyllis' hospital room, his eyes peering in the small window to see that she too was fast asleep. He pushed the door open gently, carefully to make as little noise as possible. The slight burn of his eyes came as no surprise as seeing her hooked up to monitors and IVs was something he didn't suppose he'd ever get used to but, at the same time, this sleep was some of the most peaceful he'd seen her experience in months.

Many times he'd walk past her room in the middle of the night to see the warm glow of the bedside lamp. She'd claim she was just reading, but he knew her mind kept her up, the constant thoughts and worries that plagued him must haunt her too—only much much worse.

This was, at least, what appeared to be a peaceful, restful sleep and he couldn't stop himself from walking over to the side of the bed and allowing his hand to lightly touch her face. She stirred a bit but didn't wake, her face simply shifted towards his touch, her cheek now resting against his palm.

He drew in a breath. "I promised you I'd come back," he whispered, his voice soft and a bit shaky, "And here I am. Aly's okay. I made sure." He paused for a moment watching the slow rise and fall of her chest. "And we'll finish our conversation in the morning okay…just know that I'm here and I'll always be here because I love you. Just know that." Billy leaned down, carefully not to pull at the many cords that seemed to cover her. His lips brushed against her forehead gently before straightened up and stared at her for a moment. It seemed impossible that he was here in this moment with her—that in the morning he would watch her be wheeled away by doctors who hoped they could help her. The familiar lump in his throat grew larger as he tried not to think other thoughts that were far too consuming and he closed his eyes before touching her hand once more and walking over to the chair in the corner of the room.

Slowly he settled in, raising the footrest and leaning back. He closed his eyes, the idea of sleep almost laughable, but it felt right to at least try. The only words that seemed prudent fell from his lips. "Please God," he whispered. "Please don't take her."

* * *

Billy jerked, trying to stand quickly and almost falling over the raised footrest. "Avery," he breathed, glancing over to see Phyllis' eyes now open.

"I'm sorry. I was trying to be quiet. I'm such a klutz. I've made a mess over here I'm afraid." Avery gestured to the cardboard tray of coffees she balanced and the dripping cup that now sat overturned on the table at the end of the bed.

"It's alright," Billy smiled, "Here." He handed her some napkins. "Let me help you with that."

"Thanks she whispered. You can probably tell I've already had a couple of cups of this myself this morning." She forced a smile as she looked at him. "How's she doing this morning," she whispered.

"She's doing just fine," Phyllis quipped, intentionally raising her voice to make her point, "And she can answer questions for herself." She smiled at Avery who rolled her eyes as she walked over to the bed and leaned in for a hug.

"I know you can," Avery sighed, "I just thought if I asked Billy, I might actually get the truth." She laughed as Phyllis rolled her eyes in response. "So," she breathed, "Seriously, how are you doing?"

"Pretty good, considering today is the day I go in and let some doctor's do God knows what to me for an unknown outcome…" She exhaled slowly as she looked at the concerned look on Avery's face and saw a quite similar one on Billy's. "You all don't need to look so worried. It's okay. I'm not changing my mind or anything. I just need to think about this realistically. We have no idea what they're gonna have to do in there and we don't really have any idea what the outcome is going to be. To pretend anything else is just fooling ourselves and in this particular situation, I'm kind of past that."

"I know," Avery sighed. "I know you are. That's why I came a little early this morning. I thought I could be here and kind of help take your mind off things so you wouldn't have to sit here and just stew in all your thoughts and worries while you waited on them to come and get you."

"Avery, that's really sweet," Billy said quickly, glancing over at Phyllis and locking eyes with her for a moment. He could see Phyllis' expression and he knew she understood his reluctance. She was as aware as he was that their conversation remained unfinished. They needed to talk—especially now, given what today was about. "But you really don't have to do that. I'm here and I'm sure I can manage to keep Phyllis occupied for a few hours. I know we've been asking a lot of you with Aly and I'm sure that's put you behind with work. Why don't you go ahead and go get some things done and I'll call you when they take her in."

Avery shook her head. "Absolutely not," she said emphatically, "There is nothing in this world more important to me than my sister and I'm going to stay right here and make sure that we get some good quality time in this morning."

Billy sighed as he grabbed one of the coffee cups and slowly pulled off the lid. It was going to be a very long morning.

* * *

"You know, I don't understand it." Avery ranted, standing up and pacing across the rooms and she flung her hands around. "I don't know why doctors even bother to give you a time for a surgery. They never stick to the schedule. You can almost always take the time they give you and add two or three hours." She sighed. "I'm gonna go see what in the world is taking them so long."

The door opened suddenly and a nurse stood in the doorway. "Ms. Summers? We're ready to take you down for surgery now."

Billy stood up, his heart pounding in his chest. They hadn't finished. There were too many things that hadn't been said, too many words, too many….

"Wait."

He stilled, looking over and realizing the words hadn't come from his mouth but from hers.

Her eyes stared into his for a moment before switching back towards the nurse. "I can't go yet. Can you give me a few minutes, please? Just a few minutes—I really need to talk to him alone." She looked at her again, her eyes pleading, before adding. "Please."

The nurse nodded reluctantly. "Just a few minutes," she said softly, "We can't hold the OR."

Phyllis shook her head quickly before turning to Avery. "Can you give me a minute with Billy, please?"

"Of course," Avery said, gathering her bag and heading out of the room.

Billy walked over towards her, wondering what the next few moments had in store for him.


	23. Chapter 23

"Please don't tell me you're having second thoughts about this…" His voice shook as his managed to take the few steps that led to the side of the bed, sighing deeply and allowing himself to sit down next to her. "If it's about what the doctor said—about not knowing how much tissue they'll have to take, I promise, we'll do whatever we need to do to make you comfortable, okay? There's reconstruction and all kinds of things we can do, but you have to be here to do them…."

"Stop."

He locked eyes with her for the first time to see the tears that seemed seconds away from flowing down her cheeks.

"It's not about that," she whispered. "It's not about how much they might have to take or if they'll have to take everything…it's about what I could lose…what we could lose. I know you don't want me to think about the what if's, but I have to. It's not just me in this…There are other people to think about. That's why I had those papers drawn up."

Billy nodded, not wanting to argue with her. In the back of his mind, he knew she was right—there were no guarantees and, as much as he wanted to believe that everything would be fine, every surgery came with risk. An argument was the last way he wanted to send her off to hers. "I know," he said softly, his hand gently stroking her face. "I get it. I do."

She pointed to the table where the stack of papers sat. "I didn't sign it," she managed, her voice thick with emotion. His brow furrowed back at her in confusion. "The DNR, I didn't sign it." His sigh of relief was audible and she could see his shoulders relax, but she couldn't leave it like this. "Billy." She waited until his eyes met hers again before continuing on. "I need you to promise me something."

"Anything." For some people, in some situations—that response was just the right thing to say, the appropriate answer to the question, but to her, in this moment—it was the most truthful word he'd ever uttered. He would do anything for her.

"Promise me that if something happens…if for whatever reason, I'm not going to be the person I am, you won't keep me here. Promise me you'll let me go."

"Phyllis…" The simple idea was too much to consider. "I can't…You're asking.."

"I'm asking you to promise me that you'll do what's best for me, for you, and for our daughter. I'm asking you to do what I want, but I'm not forcing you by signing something that I know you're uncomfortable with. I'm trusting you to do what I want. I'm trusting you to know what I would want and to do what I wouldn't be able to." She swallowed hard. "Can you do that?"

"Alright." The word was barely audible and he prayed she wouldn't ask him to repeat it.

"There's more…about Aly…Will you tell her how much I loved her and make sure she knows that the only reason I did this was because I was trying to stay with her and that I didn't want to leave…that I never wanted…"

He leaned in closer, not able to watch her face crumbling as she said the words. His arms wrapped around her as best he could and he pulled her close. "Shhh," he whispered, pulling back to look at her. "I promise you. Aly will never forget you. She will always know how much you loved her mainly because you will always be right there beside her to tell her and show her, but if for some reason you can't, I will."

The lump rose in his throat and took a moment, looking away to regain his composure. The soft squeeze of her hand jolted him back and he turned back to face her, a gentle smile on his face. "I'll tell her how much you love her and how hard you fought for her. I'll love her every bit as much as you did…as you do. Aly loves you, Phyllis…just like I do…just like I always have."

"I know." Her voice was soft but no longer wavering. She closed her eyes as he leaned in close to her, his lips brushing against the cool skin of her forehead. Her hand trembled slightly as she reached up, gently touching his face as he pulled away and stretching up slightly to press her lips to his. For a moment, she wasn't in a hospital bed, she wasn't a cancer patient, she wasn't about to go in for a life threatening surgery. She was in the arms of the man she loved, in the midst of a kiss that could be her last—and it was glorious.

Pulling away, she exhaled slowly, smiling softly at him. "I love you too," she whispered, "And if there's one thing I need you to know for sure before I go in there—it's that. I've never stopped loving you and I never will."

The door opened as the nurse stepped in, clearly aware she interrupted a private moment. "I'm sorry," she said, her face truly apologetic, "We really have to take her now.

Billy stood, his hand wrapped around hers as he walked beside the bed as they rolled her into the hallway.

"You'll be there, right?" Her eyes flashed with a hint of fear as she looked up at him. "When I wake up, you'll be there?"

Pulling her hand to his lips and lightly kissing her fingertips, he nodded. "I promise," he said softly. "I'll be the first face you see."

He watched as they moved further and further away and finally disappeared through the doors at the end of the hallway.

"You okay?"

Billy turned to see Avery's face staring at him.

"No," he said, walking back into the room. "Honestly, I'm about as far from okay as I can get." He looked up at her. "I've been trying to be so positive for her and for Aly, but I'm scared Avery. I'm scared to death. If I lose her…." His hands covered his face as he tried to envision his life without her. How would he function, how would he explain this to Aly?

"Hey," she said softly, taking a seat beside him and placing her hand supportively on his shoulder. "If there's one thing I know about my sister it's that she's a fighter. She'll fight through this just like she's fought through everything else in her life. The woman beat a coma didn't she?"

Billy smiled as he recalled her dramatic reentry into Genoa City. "Yeah," he scoffed, "Yeah she did. I just…I feel like we've finally got a real chance here and if anything were to happen…I'd never forgive myself."

"This isn't your fault, Billy. You didn't give her cancer."

"No, but I pressured her to do this surgery. She was thinking about trying more chemo first…just to see if it would work, but I said she should try this." His brain searched for ways to logically explain this chain of events.

"The doctors said this was her best chance at a recovery, Billy." She sighed as she saw the look on his face. "I know you need someone to blame here…believe me, I'd love someone to blame too, but this isn't your fault. It's isn't Phyllis' fault. It isn't even God's fault. It's just one of those things that happens."

"Great." He leaned back against the cool wall of the room. "So what do we do now."

Avery reached down, pulling a bottle of water from her bag and offering another to Billy. "That's easy," she sighed, "We wait."

"You're going to wear a rut in the floor," Avery groaned, "And you're making me dizzy." She stood up and walked over to Billy placing one hand on each shoulder as she stood in front of him. "Would you please sit down? Pacing back and forth like that isn't going to do any good….it's just going to make one or both of us crazy."

"I'm sorry!" Billy threw his hand up in frustration, pointing to the clock. "Didn't they say the surgery should only take a few hours? It's been nearly five hours and no one has come out to tell us anything."

"Maybe they had something come up before they could take her in and got started late." Avery tried to come up with a logical explanation to give Billy while inside she felt as if she might explode without some information soon. He was right. It was taking far too long and with every passing moment she grew even more certain that something was terribly wrong.

Billy whirled around, his eyes suddenly full of panic. "They know where to find us, right? I mean, we shouldn't be in the waiting room should we? They would know to look in her room?"

"Billy, Billy…" She stepped in front of him to calm him down. "I'm sure they know where to find us," she said softly. "If there was anything wrong, they'd come and get us. I'm sure of it. There's probably just a hold up with the surgeons or something. You know how it is in hospitals with doctors….the whole hurry up and wait syndrome."

"Excuse me." A women in scrubs arrived at the door. "Are the two of you family of Phyllis Summers?"

"Yes." Billy and Phyllis both responded in unison.

Avery stepped up towards her. "I'm her sister," she said, her voice already trembling, "Is the surgery over? Is she in recovery? When can we see her?"

The nurse held up her hand. "Actually I just need to confirm something with you. On her intake paperwork she didn't indicate any drug allergies or issues with any past medical procedures, is that accurate?"

Billy quickly stepped into the conversation, his heart racing. "What is it? What's the matter?"

"She uh…no, not as far as I know she doesn't have any drug allergies. We put the information about the coma in the paperwork, but nothing else that I know of." Avery reached up, grabbing onto Billy's arm for support. "Is my sister alright?"

The nurse looked up after making quick notes in her chart. "It's nothing to worry about yet," she said politely, "We're just having a bit of trouble getting her to come out of the anesthesia. Some patients just take a bit longer. I'll come out and update you in a bit." She looked at the worried expressions on both of their faces and added. "Try not to worry, really. This just happens sometimes."

Avery looked over at Billy as she woman disappeared back behind the doors. "Ok," she said shakily. "So, It's probably nothing, right?" She felt the tears building in her eyes as she stepped closer to him and allowed him to wrap his arms around her. "I can't lose my sister, Billy." Her body shook as sobs overtook her.

Billy bit down hard on the inside of his lips, stepping back into his role as the strong one again. "I know," he said, "You won't. We won't. She'll be fine. Phyllis is gonna be just fine."


	24. Chapter 24

His eye's followed her as she moved across the room. The hand he placed on his knee didn't keep his leg from jiggling up and down from what seemed to be an involuntary tic he'd developed over the past few months—a side effect of far too much waiting, wondering, and worrying.

The nurse smiled kindly at him as she moved towards the door. Billy stood to stop her, blocking her path.

"Anything?" he said, the desperation now clearly coming through in his voice.

She sighed. "Mr. Abbott—Honestly, there's no reason to think that Ms. Summers is in any sort of distress at all. Her vitals are strong and well within the normal range. Sometimes this sort of thing just happens. Unless there's some she begins exhibiting pain signals or her blood results or vital signs indicate some sort of problem, there's really nothing else that needs to be done at this point. Some patients are simply more sensitive to the anesthesia than others and it takes them a little longer to get back in the swing of things, that's all."

"That's what you said when her sister left and that was hours ago," he protested.

"I meant it then and I still mean it now. There's no reason to think the course of treatment needs to be any different."

Billy drew in a sharp breath, his frustration now getting the better of him. "There's no reason to think you need to do anything different or you don't know anything different to do anyway?"

"I assure you, Mr. Abbott…"

"Wait." He interrupted. "I'm sorry…I'm just. I'm worried—that's all."

She nodded. "Of course you are. That's understandable, but honestly, this happens more often than you might think."

"For this long?"

"Even longer than this. Just keep talking to her. Let her know you're here." She reached out, patting his arm with a quick smile. "I'll check in on her in a few hours."

His eyes slowly traveled across the room again, falling on her body that lay so still in the bed. There was something wrong with seeing her so quiet, so calm, so stagnant. The Phyllis he knew was always in motion—even when she'd been too sick to move around, you could always see it in her eyes, the movement in her mind, the thoughts and the plans…she never stopped.

And she couldn't stop now.

"Phyllis." He swallowed, needing to find his voice buried beneath the fear and emotion. "Phyllis. It's me, It's Billy. I'm here and I need you to wake up, okay? I know you're tired. I know it's been a long day, but if you'll just let me know that everything is okay….please? Can you do that for me?" His eyes stared down at her hand which lay completely motionless in his. The tears stung as they built quickly in his eyes, the sobs only stopped by the soft buzzing of his phone in his pocket.

"Hello?" Billy closed his eyes as he said the word, knowing all too well the first question that would be asked.

"Billy? Hi, it's Avery. How's Phyllis?"

"She uh…she's…" His teeth bit down hard on the inside of his lip. He couldn't lie to her. It wasn't right. She deserved to know the truth. "She's actually not awake yet." His eyes closed again as he heard her sharp intake of breath on the other side of the phone. "Avery," he cautioned, "Please don't get upset. I don't want Aly to worry…and the nurses all say this is really common…even for this long…even for longer."

Avery glanced quickly over her shoulder as she watched Aly rinsing her mouth out at the sink. "Aly's brushing her teeth," she said quickly into the phone, "she can't hear me right now. You said they still say this is normal…and you believe them? You really think this is what normally happens after surgery?"

"I mean they all seem to say it is and no one is acting worried. The nurse says some people are just more sensitive to anesthesia and I guess that make sense in a way? She just said for me to keep talking to her and that she'll come around in her own time."

"Maybe I should come back up there." Avery glanced down at the papers on her desk. "I have the sitter's number here. She's really good about coming with short notice. I could call her and she could come over here. That way Aly wouldn't have to go out so late. Aly loves her too and…"

"Avery. Avery, don't do that. Please." Billy sighed. "Phyllis would want you with Aly right now and I promise I'll call you if anything changes. Right now it would just be both of us in the same room watching her sleep."

There was silence for a moment.

"Avery," Billy repeated. "Avery, are you still there?"

"Yeah," she said softly. "Yeah, I'm here. Ok…I get it. I can stay here with Aly, but I guess you know what I called you."

He felt his eyes close again. "Damn," he breathed.

"Yeah." She brought her hand close to the phone. "She said Phyllis said she'd read her a story on the phone every night."

"She did…I think she expected to be much more alert than she is right now….I think we all expected that." He sighed. "I guess I'll have to do tonight. It's alright, Avery. Just put her on. I'll explain."

He waited a moment, his face instantly transforming into a small as he heard his daughter's soft voice on the line.

"Hi Daddy," she said, the hint of sleep he could always hear in her voice sounding slightly more prominent than normal.

"Hey sweet girl. Listen, I'm really sorry, but your Mommy is sleeping and I don't want to wake her up so do you think maybe I could read you your story tonight? What do you think?"

"Okay," Aly muttered, a slight yawn interrupting the response.

"The usual?" Billy grinned, knowing without even asking what her response would be. He picked up the book and ran his hand over the cover.

"Peter Pan," she said softly, "Mommy had just read the part where Tinkerbelle came!"

Billy opened the book, surprised to find the pages falling open to a place far beyond Aly's mentioned bookmark. The pages felt loose in his hand and, for a moment, he thought the binding had loosened. As he looked closer he saw it, his breath catching in his throat. He'd know her handwriting anywhere.

Quickly he shuffled through them, giving them a cursory count and finding there were eight, six of which bore his name, one for Avery, and one for Aly.

"Daddy."

Billy shook his head, the sound of his daughter's voice startling him. "Yeah, sweetie," he managed, his mind reeling from the possibilities the letters held.

"Aren't you gonna read the story?"

"Of course." He cleared his throat as he gripped the letters in his hand and shakily placed them on the table by the bed. 'Later,' he silently promised himself before taking a deep breath and leaning back in the chair. "Alright. Let's see if we can't find that Tinkerbelle."


	25. Chapter 25

"Aly?" He softly called her name out again, silently hoping she wouldn't respond. He could hear her soft breaths in the phone and he heard the slight rustle of movement just before Avery's voice sounded on the other end.

"She's out," she whispered, "You got lucky with a quick story tonight."

"Yeah," he breathed, trying not to sound as anxious as he felt, the idea of the letters weighing heavily on him as he allowed his eyes to drift over to the table. "I could tell she already pretty tired on the phone. She must have had a pretty busy day."

"Yeah, she went to a friend's house for a play date after school and they went swimming I think." Avery's voice trailed off, the trivial small talk seeming unimportant. "Listen, Billy are you sure I don't need to come up there?"

"No." The word rushed from his mouth quickly. He ran his hand over his face in frustration as he breathed in. "I mean you don't need to…really. She seems fine and I promise if there's any reason for me to think any differently, I'll call you. I'd never keep anything from you, Avery. You know that."

She winced slightly at his words, unsure if they were intended to be a subtle dig or not. Regardless, they were effective. "I know…I know you wouldn't." She sighed heavily as she glanced back over at Aly who slept peacefully clutching her pillow. "I'll be by the hospital as soon as I drop Aly off at school in the morning. When Phyllis wakes up, let her know I'm with Aly and please tell her I've been checking on her."

"I will. I promise." He hung up the phone quickly his hand already reaching for the stack of letters. He placed the letter for Avery back on the table beside the one for Aly. Carefully he studied the six envelopes he still held in his hands. On five of them his name was written as if was intended to be part of an address, as if, at some point, she expected to complete the process and mail these. The last, however, simply had his first name, no formality, no address—as if she knew he'd be receiving it in person.

Carefully he slid the chair closer to her bed, placing the small stack of letters on the side of the bed in front of him. He picked up one, his fingertips trembling as he gently tore at the seal. Almost immediately his eyes filled with tears as he realized what this was. She hadn't forgotten…not for a second.

 _Billy,_

 _I've been staring at a blank sheet of paper for nearly an hour—trying to think of what I could say to make you understand why I left and, more importantly, why I left the way I did. I'm sure people have told you all sorts of things…that I'm not the type of woman to ever be satisfied, that I'm only happy when I'm making other people unhappy, that I need drama and chaos in my life, but the truth is those people didn't know anything about us, about what we felt, about what we had._

 _I didn't leave because of anything you did or because I didn't love you enough. I left because I wanted better for you—better than me, better than the misery and devastation our relationship would bring into your life. At first I was just going to go away for a while, let things calm down, give people time to move on to something else, but then…._

Billy stopped, wiping his eyes to catch the tears that had already made his way down his cheeks. He knew what was coming next and it made him sick inside. The idea that she believed, even for a moment, that he would have ever moved on so quickly—as if she were replaceable in his life or in his heart nearly broke him. Drawing in a deep breath, he gathered his composure and let his eyes move back to the page…

 _This wasn't about jealousy. I'm sure a lot of people said it was…but I didn't leave because I was jealous. It wasn't petty or vindictive. I left because I couldn't stand to see with you with her. You and Victoria shared a life, you shared children and you had every reason to make that work with her…I just couldn't stay and watch it. It broke my heart. I wanted to see you happy, Billy, but I wanted you to be happy with me. That probably makes me selfish and maybe I am, but I knew I didn't have the strength of character to be around to watch it. That's why I left…not because I didn't care, but because I cared too much…because I wanted you to be happy. You deserve to be happy. You deserve a family and a wonderful life and I hope you have that._

He swallowed hard. "I was happy," he managed, staring at her still closed eyes as she lay in the bed beside him. "You made me happy. You were all I needed."

 _I know I didn't say goodbye. I couldn't. I hope you understand. You'll never know how much I wanted to see you one last time, how much I wanted to look into your eyes, to touch your face, to feel your arms wrap around me. I wanted a life with you more than you will ever know. Maybe, in another life, in another time we could have had that together, but not this time. Just know that I will always love you. You were always enough and it was always real for me._

 _Love,_

 _Phyllis_

He read the words again and again until the tears in his eyes made the lines too blurred to be legible. It wasn't just the words or the sentiments that broke his heart, it was the idea of her all alone—the image of her sitting there in that apartment writing these words without him.

"We can have that life, Phyllis," he whispered, his hand clasping hers gently as he leaned in closer to her. "You and me and Aly…we can be together..we can be a family…in this life…in this time…all you gotta do is wake up." He leaned up, placing a gentle kiss to her forehead and pulling away, half hoping to see her eyes flutter open.

"That's okay." The breath left him in a slow sigh as he sat back down in a chair, his thumb slowly stroking her fingers as he brought her hand to his lips. "You rest. It's okay. I'll be right here when you wake up. Right here where I promised I'd be." He forced a smile as he reached down for another letter and began to open it.


	26. Chapter 26

Billy glanced over at her before he began to read, his heart half hoping each time he stared into her eyes that he'd see the beautiful green orbs open and staring back at him.

Seeing them still closed, he sighed and looked down at the page.

 _Dear Billy,_

 _I don't know why I'm writing this, especially since I never even mailed the last letter. In some strange way, I think this makes me feel closer to you..as if somehow this is the only way I can connect with you. It seems stupid and empty, but it's all I have…or at least it was._

 _I know I said that I didn't leave Genoa City out of jealousy. I know I said that I left because I wanted you to be happy and that was true, but maybe there was more to it than that. Maybe there was more to it than even I knew. I always knew we had a connection, Billy. We always said that, but now I know we're connected in a way I never even imagined._

 _I'm pregnant, Billy…I'm going to have your baby. Never in a million years is this something I ever would have expected. I didn't even believe the doctor when he told me. I thought it was some sort mix up with the test, but it isn't. They checked and rechecked. I'm definitely pregnant._

Billy lowered the letter to the side of the bed, his breath catching in his throat as his eyes moved from the words on the page to her still frame in the bed. He couldn't help but wonder how things would have been different had the letter actually reached him. Could he have found her? Could he have been there? Would he have been able to convince her how much he loved her and how much he wanted to build this life with her? His eyes closed for a moment as he inhaled deeply. All the questions in the world didn't change the facts. That time was gone forever now. He looked back down at the letter and continued to read.

 _When I left town I know you were rebuilding your life with Victoria and I would never want to mess that up. Honestly, I'm not even sure I'll ever even send you this, but if I do it's not because I expect you to come back to me—it will be so that you can be a part of your child's life…if that's what you want._

 _I want you to know that I don't think of this as a mistake. Mistakes are things that you regret and I don't regret this…not for a second. This child is a miracle. He or she will be the best part of both of us and I will make sure they know that they were born out of something real and something good._

The sound of the tear hitting the paper startled him and he brought his hand up to wipe his face before he quickly reached for his shirt to blot the page, the smearing of ink already becoming a problem. The idea of missing any of her words was impossible to imagine. These letters were the only glimpse he'd had into the years they'd been apart. Sure, she'd told him stories and he'd heard things from Avery, but these letters were personal. They were real.

Billy leaned in closer to her, taking her hand in his and stroking her fingertips gently. "It wasn't a mistake," he whispered, clearing his throat as his voice trembled. "Our baby girl wasn't a mistake. She brought you back to me…she brought us back together. She made us a family. She's the best part of both of us and I'll never be able to thank you for giving her to me."

He watched her face, willing her eyes to open, praying silently for anything, the flutter of an eyelash, the twitch of a lip. His heart fell when she lay still. The letter trembled in his hand as his eyes refocused on the words on the page.

 _I've spent a lot of time trying to imagine what it would be like to tell you this news if circumstances were different—if we could be together, if we had met at a different time, in a different way. I've wondered what it would have been like for this news to be celebrated, for this baby to have been welcomed into a family with love and acceptance._

Billy sat the letter down, leaning back in the chair for a moment. She'd been going through this all alone. She'd been pregnant and scared and hopeless and he'd had no idea and, to make it worse, his family was at the root of all of it. The high and mighty Abbotts that believed they had some sort of moral high ground had driven her out of town just as if they'd chased her out with pitchforks. They'd cost him not only the woman he loved but his child too and now-

He ran his hands over his face. He couldn't stand to think about everything he stood to lose. She should be awake by now. She should be talking to him, looking at him, holding his hands as he explained away the fears and doubts these letters expressed. More than anything in the world he wanted to promise her that he did celebrate their daughter, that she was accepted and loved into the family, that the circumstances didn't need to be different….that everything was perfect right now…just as it was.

But she had to wake up to do that. He stared back down at the letter, his eyes pouring over the last few lines of script.

 _You're a good man, Billy and you're a good father. I know you would be a good father to our child too. I wish you could be here for this. I wish that for all of us. Our child will know about you…I'll tell them…but only the good things._

 _Love always,_

 _Phyllis_

He clutched the letter to his chest as he closed his eyes tight and leaned over her body. Gently he wrapped his arms around her, letting his head fall against her chest. The slow rise and fall of her breaths provided some strange sense of comfort and the sound of heart beating in her chest a reminder that she was still there…just waiting. "Please, Phyllis," he whispered, "Please wake up."


	27. Chapter 27

"Billy?"

His eyes flew open, his body jerking upright immediately at the sound of a voice. His face fell as he saw her standing there in front of him.

"Oh, Avery," he sighed, forcing a smile as he saw the look on her face. "Sorry, I just…" He let his voice trail off, knowing she knew exactly what he thought. His hand still rested on hers, his other hand still clutching the letter, the one he hadn't had the strength to finish, the one that had stopped him cold, the one that made him wonder if he'd ever truly be able to express to her just how sorry he was that he missed everything, the one that made him pray with everything in him that he'd just get the chance to try….

"What's that?" Avery's voice was soft as she gestured to the letter in his hand.

"Oh." Billy looked up. "I uh…I brought Aly's book…the Peter Pan one for Phyllis to read to her over the phone and I found these letters inside." He stopped as he thought he saw a flash of recognition in her eyes. "Wait—you knew about these?"

Avery shook her head. "Not at first," she explained. "She told me later…after she'd written the first few." She reached over, pulling a second chair closer to the bed as she sat down. "I tried to get her to call you, Billy, but she wouldn't. She was so convinced she'd ruin your life, but somehow writing these letters…it helped her. It made her feel like she was telling you somehow and I think she thought maybe somehow in some way she'd send them one day."

Her eyes softened as she looked at him. "Which one is that?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but didn't trust his voice to cooperate. Instead he simply held out the paper towards her, his fingertips trembling a bit as he felt it slip from his hands.

 _Dear Billy,_

 _At this point I'm not even sure why I'm doing this. I haven't sent any of the other letters and I'm pretty sure I'll never send this one. I guess if nothing else, I want to be able to show you that I was thinking of you and that I wanted to tell you even though I knew I couldn't…or, rather, shouldn't._

 _Some people would say I'm being selfish—that I'm not thinking about what we be fair to you or what would be fair to our child, but how can something be selfish when it hurts me so damn much? I wish you were here every moment of every day—especially now. In a way, I'm glad I've never sent the other letters because I might have blown apart your life for nothing._

 _A few days ago I ended up in the ER. It's a long story, but the short version is I have something called a placental abruption. Apparently it can be resolved in some cases with rest and monitoring so I'm on complete bed rest now and I'm on a fetal monitor, but they don't really know what will happen and, as they always say, there aren't any guarantees._

Avery stopped reading, the weight of his eyes weighing heavily on her. She looked up to meet his gaze, his dark brown eyes wide and shining, full of questions. "Billy," she said softly…

He shook his head. "You know I can kind of understand why she didn't tell me, but you…" He stopped, swallowing hard. "Avery, you saw what was happening and you had to know that I would never turn her away."

"Hey, that's not fair. I wasn't around to see anything that went on with the two of you. All I knew was what Phyllis told me and she's my sister. She made me promise to keep this secret and I couldn't betray her like that. I did everything I could to try and convince her to call you, but it wasn't my decision. I couldn't go behind her back….I wouldn't."

She glanced back down at the letter before looking up at him again. "Did you read the rest of this?"

"No," he said honestly, glancing back down at Phyllis and stroking her hand softly as he held it in his own. "I didn't finish it. I couldn't. The thought of her going through that…of me not being here…I…"

Avery held up her hand. "I think you should read it." She held the letter towards him.

 _I wonder sometimes if I'm being punished. If God is going to take this baby away from me because of the awful things I've done in my life- For all of the things I did to Jack, to you, and to your family. But then I think He's already taken you from me, isn't that enough? I've already lost what mattered most—the person that brought me the most happiness and joy._

 _Avery says I should call you and tell you the truth. I can't tell you how many times I've picked up the phone, but I just can't make myself do it. I keep hearing Jill's voice in my head and, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm afraid she might have been right. She said that Victoria was your one true love and that ruining that and ruining your relationship with your family would make you grow to resent me. I'd rather be without you for the rest of my life than make you that unhappy. I'd like to think that you remember our time together as good times and it would kill me to think anything other than that._

 _If, at the end of all this, we're both simply left with our memories that will have to be enough I guess. At least they will have been good ones. I fall asleep at night wishing I was in your arms. Memories of you are what keep me going. They are what keep me sane and, God willing, they are what I will be able to pass on to our little girl._

 _Love always,_

 _Phyllis_

He said nothing as he stood from the chair and walked quietly over to the window. Tears stung at his eyes but he wouldn't allow himself to cry. If she'd made it through that without him, surely he could make it through this without breaking down. With a deep breath, he turned to face Avery.

"I never asked her about the pregnancy," he admitted, his voice still shaking a bit. "She let me watch the birth video and she told me a little about that, but I never asked about the pregnancy." He shook his head, a little ashamed of himself. "I guess I just…" Emotions threatened to overwhelm him and he stopped to look away and regain his composure. "I guess in a way I was afraid to know—to have to think about what she went through without me."

Avery nodded as his eyes finally met hers.

"You were here with her, right?"

"Yeah," she said softly. "I was here. She wasn't alone."

"Good." He walked back over to the bed where he stood beside her, his hand brushing through her hair as he looked down at her. "That's good."

"Billy," Avery said softly. "I want you to know that she never stopped thinking about you. She talked about you all the time and it weighed on her…keeping this from you. This wasn't an easy decision for her to make."

"I know," he whispered. "I don't blame her for that. I wish I could have been here. There's so many things I wish I could change, but I don't blame her…not for any of this."


	28. Chapter 28

He smiled politely at the nurse as she gently pulled the door closed behind her and walked from the room. No change. The words seemed to mock him. The sigh came from deep within him and echoed throughout the silent room.

Billy held her hand in his as he stared at her, the burning in his eyes finally forcing him to blink. It was as if he thought if he looked at her long enough, he could somehow will her awake. This time, just like all the others, it didn't happen.

His eyes drifted away from her only for a moment, long enough to rest on the final letter—the one that stood out from all the rest, the one that sat grouped with one for Avery and Aly. In his heart, he knew what it was and he worried if, by opening it, he was somehow giving the words power—speaking it into existence—entertaining a thought so horrible….

The sound of Avery jerking in the chair startled him and he turned towards her, forcing a solemn smile.

"No change?" she whispered as she stood and walked slowly to stand beside him.

Billy cringed as he heard the all too familiar words again. "No," he said quietly as he brought his hand up to lightly trace the lines of Phyllis' face.

Avery nodded and glanced up at the clock, her eyes widening as she saw several hours had passed since she'd drifted off to sleep. "I didn't realize I slept so long." Her hand ran across her face.

"It's fine. You needed it." Billy spoke without ever taking his eyes off Phyllis.

"Hey." Avery placed a hand on his shoulder and waited for him to turn towards her. "You know you were standing right there when I went to sleep. You can't just do this, you know? You have to take care of yourself. She'd want you to take care of yourself."

"I am. I just…I need her to know that I'm here and I need her to feel it."

Avery nodded, hearing the slight tremble in his voice. "She knows," she whispered. "Why don't you go down to the cafeteria…just take a little break, get something to eat. I'll stay here with her."

"No." It was instantaneous, the thought of leaving her something he couldn't even entertain. "I can't. I can't leave her. I promised her that I'd be the first face she saw when she woke up and that's what I'm going to do."

"But Billy…"

"I said no, Avery!" He closed his eyes as he saw her flinch, her own eyes now glazing over in tears. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "Really…I know you're trying to help, but I can't leave her. I made her a promise. You can understand that, right?"

"Of course I can. How about a compromise—I need to go call the sitter and make sure she can pick up Aly from school. Maybe I go down to the cafeteria and get something for lunch and you promise to eat it?"

Billy smiled at her expression. "I see the stubborn streak runs in the family," he muttered, "Fine..Fine..I'll eat. I promise."

Avery grinned and patted him on the back before heading out the door.

"She's putting on a good show." Billy sat down gently on the edge of the bed, his eyes searching her body for any sign she heard him. "She's pretending she's not worried. She's much better at it than I am." He took a breath as he reached for her hand, bringing it up to his lips and kissing her fingertips softly and pressing her palm against his face. "I'm scared to death. They keep saying everything is okay and that sometimes these things just take time, but there's so much I need to say to you."

His eyes fell on the letter again. "You've said so much to me in these letters and now there's this…" He reached for the letter, holding it out to her. "There's a big part of me that doesn't want to read this, a part of me that's afraid to read this, but another part of me needs to know what's in here…"

The breath seemed to catch in his throat as he pulled the paper from the envelope his eyes scanning the page and stopping on the first few lines. His eyelids closed quickly, the hot tears already building—

He shook his head and willed his eyes to open, his thumb briskly brushing away the tear that fell on the page and quickly blurred the ink.

 _Dear Billy,_

 _I hope you'll never have to read these words. If you are, it means I'm not here to say them to you anymore. I hope you found the other letters…the ones I wrote to you all those years ago. Please know that I thought of you often—even when you weren't here with us, you were always in my heart._

 _These last few months have been amazing. Watching you with Aly was the greatest gift I could have ever been given. She adores you and I know that she will bring you joy and peace through all of this. She did for me. I know how much you love her and I know, without a doubt, that you'll take care of her and put her first just as I would have._

 _I've stopped and started this letter so many times because this is where I always stop. I have no idea how to say goodbye to you. Not being with you was only bearable because I had Aly and because I truly believed you were happy in Genoa City, but now….knowing that I have to leave you…knowing that the time we had together was so short because of the decisions I made…..it makes me sick inside._

 _It's okay for you to be angry with me. I cheated you out of years with your daughter and, even though I've apologized, it will never be enough. There's something else though—I cheated us out of years that we could have spent together, years we could spent making memories that you'd have now. Even if you could forgive me for that—I don't know if I will ever forgive myself. Just know that every decision I made was made out of my love for you. I never stopped loving you and I never will._

 _All my love forever,_

 _Phyllis_

Billy let the letter fall to the floor as he stood to his feet and stood over the bed, his eyes staring down at her. He no longer cared about the tears that fell from his eyes or the trembling sound of his voice. None of that mattered. He searched the side of the bed, his hands finding her hands and weaving his fingers through hers. "You don't get to do that," he managed, his breath uneven as he forced the words from his mouth. "You don't to write me off with some kind of goodbye letter and then just slip away like this. You say I have a right to be angry? I'm not angry because of what you've done, but I will be because of what you're doing now. If you don't fight for us, for Aly, for what we could be….If you don't fight like I know you can to come back to me…."

For a moment he thought he was imagining it—that it was simply his mind playing a trick on him…the result of a lack of sleep and sheer desire but, as he stared down at her fingertips in his, he saw the slight movement yet again. "Phyllis," he breathed, his heart pounding in his chest as he released one hand and cupped the other in both of his. "Phyllis, can you hear me?"

He shook his head, refusing to believe that this had been a fluke. She'd heard him. He knew she had. "Phyllis," he repeated, the desperation screaming in his voice. "Please….please…just do something, anything…just let me know you're here…let me know you're with me. I just need to know that you're going to be okay." Billy stood completely still, willing her to squeeze his hand, to flinch to do something, but instead the stillness took over the room once again. He drew in a breath, feeling as if his heart might literally break as he lay his head very gently down on her chest, the sound of her heartbeat a small source of comfort.

"I'll stay here, Phyllis," he whispered, "For as long as it takes. I promised I'd be here when you woke up and I meant it….I'll be here. I'd wait forever on you." Her heartbeat drummed peacefully in her chest as he closed his eyes.

"Billy?"

He stilled, waiting a moment to move, wondering if he could have drifted off to sleep—if the words could be a part of some wonderful dream. His head lifted from her chest, his body slowly sitting up. Tears instantly fell down his cheeks as his eyes locked with hers—now open and shining at him.

It took all the restraint he had not to fall on top of her, the relief nearly overtaking him. Instead he cupped her face in his hands, the smile almost painful as he looked at her. "You're back," he whispered, pressing a kiss on her cheek as he pulled back. "Thank God you're back. I need to get the doctor in here…I'll be right back, okay?"

Her hand tightened around his as he stood and he stopped, his eyes falling back on hers. "What? What's the matter?"

"Just wait," she whispered. "I need to tell you..I want you to know."

Billy shook his head, pressing his fingertips to her lips. "It's okay," he said softly. "You don't have to explain anything to me right now. We can talk about all that later. I just need to get the doctors to come in here and take a look at you."

"They don't need to. I know…I know what they'll say."

"What do you mean? You're back now. It's all going to be okay now."

"No," she whispered. "No it won't."


	29. Chapter 29

"Can you just relax for me, sweetie? Please?" Billy glanced over to the monitor by the bed. "You're gonna be okay now."

She shook her head, her frustration only outweighed by her desperation. "You don't understand," she whispered, "I could hear you. I could hear every word you were saying to me and I tried so hard to come back to you but I couldn't."

Her eyes fluttered closed for a moment and he felt his heart quicken, pure fear gripping him, rendering him completely useless until he saw the lids lift again. "It's okay now," he repeated, his hands stroking hers as he stared into her eyes. He would do anything to soothe her, to comfort her, to stop whatever angst this was. "You're back now…none of that matters now. You're back here with me and everything is going to be fine."

"Phyllis."

Billy turned as he heard Avery's voice, barely managing to shift his body enough to avoid her as she rushed towards the bed.

"You're awake," she breathed, her face beaming. She looked over at Billy, questions filling her eyes. "Why didn't you…"

He shook his head. "It just happened. She just woke up. I was trying to go get the doctor, but I didn't want to leave her here alone."

"Of course." Avery smiled, reaching out and softly squeezing Phyllis' hand in hers. "I'm here..go. Go ahead. I'll be here." Turning back towards the bed as she heard the door close, she sighed and brought her free hand to her face to brush away the stray tears. "You and I are going to have to have a serious conversation about your need for drama in your life," she chided.

Phyllis flashed a weak smile. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean to scare you." She breathed in, her mind only focusing on one thing at the moment. "Aly," she said succinctly. "Where is she?"

"The sitter is picking her up from school and keeping her until I get there today. She's fine…ready to see her mom, that's all."

"I want to see her. I need to see her." Every moment that passed seemed to be one less than she had—as if her life was now a finite set of moments, like an hourglass of sand—unable to be stopped.

Avery nodded. "Okay," she said softly. "I'll bring her by in the morning before school."

"No. I need to see her now. Can you just go get her please?"

"Phyllis, you just woke up. I think maybe you should take a little time, rest up…what if I just have her Facetime with you a little later tonight?"

"Avery." Her tone was stronger now, the subject too important to let go. "I need to see my daughter. I want to see her now."

* * *

"I don't know why we had to leave," Billy muttered, as he paced outside the room.

"It's just standard procedure, Billy. I'm sure she'll be fine. It shouldn't take long." She locked eyes with him for a moment. "She wants me to go get Aly and bring her here."

"Now?"

She nodded. "I tried to convince her to wait until tomorrow morning when she'd had some time to rest, but she was adamant that she wanted to see her now."

"Well, if that's what she wants, I guess she should see her…I just…"

"I know," Avery whispered. "I don't Aly to worry." She looked at Billy for a moment, "But maybe Aly isn't the only concern here…what's the matter? I thought you'd be thrilled that she's awake. It's all uphill from here, right?"

He swallowed hard, his mind not wanting to put the thoughts into words. "I don't know, Avery. I almost feel like she's got this idea that she only woke up…" The words stopped, his throat involuntarily constricting.

Avery's eyes widened. "Did she say that?"

"Not exactly," he whispered, "but now…her wanting to see Aly..and not being willing to wait…It just makes me wonder if she feels like she doesn't have the luxury of time."

"Billy, even if that's what she thinks that doesn't mean that's actually the case. She's been through so much lately. It only makes sense that she'd have some anxiety about all of this. You heard the doctors. They weren't concerned about her taking time to wake up and even now…" She gestured towards the room, "That doctor didn't seem to be at all worried about her and he certainly didn't deem her to be an emergency case. She's in a regular room with regular nurses. Everything indicates she's fine. Don't go looking for things to worry about. Life will give you plenty, believe me."

"I know you're right,"he sighed. "Why don't you go ahead and go get Aly. Maybe pick up something to eat on the way back. Seeing Aly might bolster her spirits anyway. I know it'll help me at the very least."

Avery smiled. "Yeah, that kid has a way of making everything a little bit better. Anything else you need?"

"No…just my daughter." Billy turned back towards the closed hospital room door as he listened to Avery's footsteps grow fainter. Her words echoed in his ears as he closed his eyes and silently prayed that she was right.

* * *

He couldn't help but smile as he stepped back into the room. Relief flooded his body as he saw her bright green eyes staring back at him. "I just spoke to the doctor outside." His steps quickened as he made his way over to the side of the bed and took her hand. "He said your vitals are strong and that the surgery went well. It'll take a few days for them to know for sure if they were able to get everything and they've sent off some tissue samples to make sure nothing spread any further, but based on what they can tell, everything looks good."

Relief was visible on her face for only a moment before the worry set back in.

"Phyllis," he whispered, "What is it? What are you afraid of?" His fingertips gently cupped her chin, lifting her face a bit, his eyes finally able to lock with hers. For the first time, he saw the sheen of tears that settled there.

"Slipping away," she whispered, clearing her throat before continuing. "I was laying here and I could hear you talking to me and I wanted to let you know that I knew you were here but I couldn't. It's the worst kind of torture, you know? It was like before…like when I was in the coma…and…." Her voice broke and she struggled to take a deep breath, wincing in pain as he stitches pulled.

"Shhh…" He shook his head as he tried in vain to comfort her. "Don't think like that. The doctors said some people react to anesthesia differently, Phyllis. This wasn't a coma. This wasn't like last time."

"Maybe not..but what if the next time is. What if tonight when I got to sleep I don't wake up."

"Don't say that." He reached for her face, softly brushing the hair away from her face as if somehow he could remove the horrific thought from her mind. "Don't even think that."

"I don't want to, but I can't help it. I'm afraid to close my eyes…because I'm afraid I might not be able to open them again."

He could see it—the visceral fear in her eyes. All he wanted, all he'd ever really wanted was to take care of her, to make her happy, to give her and Aly a good life. Now, as he stared into her eyes, he didn't know how to do that, but he knew he had to try.

"Tell you what," he whispered, "How about you just talk to me and that way you won't have to go to sleep and you'll just be here…right here with me."

A small smile played across her face and he could see her body relax a bit. "Okay," she whispered, "What do you want to talk about?"

"I read your letters." She winced a bit, then looked away.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I didn't mean for you read them unless…."

"No." His fingertips lightly guided her face back towards him. "I'm glad I read them. I need to read them. I realized that there's still so much I don't know and I think I didn't ask because I thought it would hurt too much to know all the things I missed."

"I wish I could give you that time back." Phyllis struggled to sit up, stopping as Billy stood and helped her before returning to his chair. "I wish there was some way I could give you those memories. It's one of the biggest regrets of my life that you can't share those moments."

"Maybe I can." Billy took her hand as she glanced at him in confusion. "You can tell me…you can tell me about all of it—about the first words, and the first steps, about the birthdays, and the traditions, about the holidays, and the vacations. I want to know all of it."


	30. Chapter 30

"I don't know where to start," she said quietly, her voice more hesitant than weak. She could see the love in his eyes and she knew he wasn't angry with her—still it didn't make her feel any less guilty. For four years she'd kept him away from his daughter. For four years her daughter had grown up not knowing her father. Recounting those memories for him now would be like a listing of her crimes, like tiny stabs in the heart for her—probably worse for him.

"Wherever you want," he whispered, his hand gently clasping hers. "Why don't we start with her name—where did you come up with that?" Billy watched as her eyes flickered a bit. She needed rest and he knew it but, in his mind, her words and concerns about slipping away seemed to echo louder and louder with each passing moment. He couldn't take the chance of losing her and if that meant he had to keep her with him, keep her talking, keep her awake—he'd do it. He'd do whatever it took.

Phyllis smiled as she looked up at him, her mind drifting back to the conversation she'd had with her sister all those years ago. "It's funny," she mused, a small semblance of a laugh escaping her lips. "Avery said I was just too lazy to even make it to the B's in the baby book, but I just really liked the name Alexandra and I knew it could be shortened to Aly or Lex and…" She stopped-the lightness in her eyes dimming.

"What?"

"It's just…" She looked back up at him, her eyes flashing a hint of regret. "I chose a name that I thought worked with Abbott, but I felt like she needed to have my last name at first since I wasn't sure if…." Phyllis took in another deep breath. "Billy, I wanted to tell you, believe me—there was nothing that…"

"Hey. Stop. You don't need to apologize to me anymore for this, okay? I mean it. I'm not angry with you. I understand why you did what you did and I just want to fill in some of the gaps, that's all. This isn't a cross examination. I promise."

"I know. I'm sorry. I…" She smiled as she saw his eyes narrow at her. "Right," she breathed. "It's a bad habit."

Warmth spread through her as she felt his lips brush against her fingertips. "Well, we'll just have to work on that," he said softly, his eyes meetings hers once again. "And Foster…Does she know?"

"Yeah, she does. I didn't want her to grow up and wonder, you know. I wanted her to know that she had a father, a father that loved her and, up until recently, that had been enough, but when I put her in preschool this year she started with the questions. She wanted to know where you were and why you didn't visit." The tears stung at her eyes as she recalled the late night conversations, the moments she'd spent staring in the wide eyes of her daughter with absolutely no idea how to answer her.

"What did you tell her?" The idea of his daughter believing that he didn't want to be with her was almost more than he could stand.

Phyllis shook her head. "I told her that you didn't know where we were—that I hadn't called you and that's why you couldn't visit or call." She paused as she watched the surprise spread across his face. "And," she added, "in all honesty, that led to even more questions."

"I bet." The breath left his body slowly. "So that's why she ended up calling me."

"I think when she heard your name and saw her opportunity, she took it. She's a resourceful little thing," she grinned.

"Can't imagine where she'd get that from."

She rewarded his attempt at humor with a half smile. "Yeah." Her voice was a mere whisper as she thought back to the more difficult moments, times that hadn't been that long ago but that now, having seen how life could be with them all together, felt like another lifetime. "Even though she's little, she understood enough to start and figure out that I was keeping things from her and she has just enough of both of us in her to get pretty annoyed pretty fast." She laughed softly, marveling at how his eyes lit up when he smiled. It was easier to laugh about it now as a memory but, at the time, it hadn't been funny at all.

"She was angry with me because I wouldn't call you," she said quietly, "but I guess I figured it was better to have her angry with me than angry with you since you didn't even have the benefit of being here to defend yourself."

He allowed her words to settle in the silence of the room for a moment as he tried to formulate some sort of response. Her soft voice beat him to it.

"So in a way, even though I hated she was the one that called you," she said softly, "it was a relief too because it was time…it was past time."

His throat tightened a bit, emotion threatening to well up again and he cleared his throat to give himself a chance to regain his composure. "You uh…you said she knew Foster was my name."

Phyllis nodded.

"What else did you tell her about me?"

She took a breath. "When I was growing up, I had a friend that was always talking about her father. She would tell all of us at school about how he was a firefighter and how he saved all these people all the time. She'd tell us about all the trips they took and how he bought her all these really expensive toys but we never met him. Then the next year she would tell us that her father was a policeman or a soldier or the captain of a ship. It didn't take long for us to figure out that she didn't have a father. Some of the kids started making fun of her one day and she got really upset." Phyllis stopped for a moment, her eyes staring into his before continuing. "I was in the third grade and I still remember the look on her face when she told me that she had to make up stories about her Dad because she didn't know him and she didn't know anything about him. Her mom never even told her his name."

"I couldn't do that to our daughter, Billy. I couldn't make her create a father in her mind. I wanted to give her something tangible, something real and, if I couldn't give her you, at least I could tell her things—true things, real things that she could hold on to."

Billy nodded, not trusting his voice to speak at the moment.

"So that's what I did," she whispered. "I told her your name and that you were a businessman and I told her how kind and compassionate you are. I found a photo that was taken from far away." She took in a shaky breath. "I was afraid she might see a picture in the paper or something and recognize you and I…I don't know I didn't…"

"It's okay," he whispered, his eyes encouraging her to continue.

"Anyway, at night we'd say goodnight to you. It kind of became a thing, a tradition of sorts. She knew about you. I made sure of that."

Billy was quiet for a moment. "I feel like there's so much I've missed." He immediately saw the apology building in her eyes and he held up his hand to stop her, "And I'm not saying that to make you feel bad I just…I missed all the things a father should see. I missed her first smile, and her first steps, and her first word…"

"Daddy," Phyllis interrupted, "Well, Da-da, to be precise." She saw his eyes widen before she continued. "She'd been babbling for a while and I was working on Ma-Ma because I was convinced I could get her to say it. We were standing at the bookshelf in the corner and we were looking at pictures. I had a picture of Avery, and a picture of me, and a picture of Aly, and then at the end of the shelf—there was a picture of you. We were going along and I would name the people in the pictures and she'd babble and when we got to you she said Da-Da…clear as day."

"Wow." He closed his eyes and cursed himself for such a stupid response, but he couldn't come up with any kind of alternative. Forcing his eyes to open again, he opened his mouth and simply let air flow finally managing to babble, "I..I…"

"Yeah," she smiled, a spurt of air leaving her lips, "That was kind of my reaction at the time. I had to call Avery to come over and hear it before I believed it for certain. At first I thought it was some kind of guilt-driven hallucination, but it wasn't. She was definitely saying it. It was her first word." The air left her body slowly as she felt his hand on hers. "So, you were always in my thoughts and, in a way, you were always in hers.." The last word caught in her throat and she coughed hard, the pain searing in her chest.

Billy stood, reaching for water and holding the cup to her lips for her to take a sip. "Careful," he said, his hand gently cupping the back of her head before allowing her to lean against the pillows. He walked away to sit the cup back on the table and noticed for the first time that her eyes were drooping.

The bed sunk a bit as he sat down, this time right by her legs. His hands carefully stroked her neck as he sighed. "You should probably get some rest."

Anxiety filled her eyes almost instantly. "I'm okay," she said, forcing her eyes wider. "I want to talk to you some more. Just stay here with me and talk some more."

"I'm not going anywhere, but you do need your rest. Why don't you just close your eyes and…"

"Mommy!"

"Wait Aly…Wait a minute!" Avery's voice rang out behind the bouncing four-year-old as she bounded into the room. She smiled at Billy as she stepped inside, finally reaching Aly and grabbing her hand. "Someone's a little excited to see her Mom."

The tears were a given and it seemed fruitless to even try to contain them. "Not anywhere near as excited as I am to see her," Phyllis breathed. "Can I get a hug?"

Aly nodded happily.

Billy knelt down to her level, scooping her up in his arms. "A soft hug okay? Remember Mommy has some big band-aids…"

Aly nodded again, leaning down and giving Phyllis a gentle hug. "Are you better now?" she asked, the question betraying her young innocence.

Phyllis smiled. She'd promised her that there would be no more lies, but how could she be honest now. How could she tell her daughter that she had no idea if she was better? That she could go to sleep and never wake up again—that she was afraid to close her eyes for fear they'd never open again. How could she put that kind of fear into her little girl? "Yes, sweetie," she said, already feeling the guilt welling up inside her again, "I'm all better now."


	31. Chapter 31

_It was the look in her eyes mainly—the look of hurt and betrayal. It amazed her that one so young was capable of harnessing such powerful emotions._

 _Aly blinked, her wide brown eyes brimming with tears that soon traced down her cheeks. She didn't move to wipe them away. Children had no concern for such things. It was adults that felt the need to hide their emotions. This was honest and true…something Phyllis wasn't. Something she hadn't been…and this was the result._

 _Her daughter's eyes seemed to sear her skin as she stared at her. "But you said…"_

 _The sight of her shoulders shaking was almost more than she could bear and she reached out to touch her, her breath catching in her throat as her daughter jerked away. She saw Billy move to stop her and she held up her hand, not wanting him to._

 _"_ _Don't," she whispered. "She has every right to be upset." She pulled herself from the chair, each move now becoming more and more difficult, though nothing could compare to the pain of this moment. "Aly," she breathed, placing her hand on her daughter's back as she sat in Billy's arms. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I know you think that I didn't tell you the truth."_

 _For a moment it was as if she was looking at her own reflection, the fire in her daughter's small face eerily reminiscent of the fiery temper she often had to quell in herself. "You didn't," she spat. "You said the doctors would make you better. You said you would be better."_

 _"_ _Aly."_

 _She could hear the tremble in Billy's voice. They were all angry and, in a way, she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. She wanted to scream for herself—for how unfair this all seemed, for how unbelievably twisted it was to let her see how wonderful her life could be only to snatch it away. She wanted to scream for Aly, her sweet baby daughter, who had grown up without her father and had finally been given the chance to have a normal family only to know be forced to live without a mother. She wanted to scream for Billy who, through no fault of his own, walked into this in the middle of the most tragic of movies. He'd been here through all of it and he deserved a better ending. They all did._

 _"_ _Aly, baby…We all wanted to believe that Mommy would get better. The doctors told us that they thought she was better. Mommy didn't tell you a lie. She told you what she believed."_

 _She shook her head furiously. "No," she yelled, "She promised! She promised she would be here for always." With those words, she jumped from his lap and ran into her room—slamming the door with such force it caused both of them to jump._

 _Her eyes met Billy's and she simply collapsed into his arms. How was she supposed to make peace with her whole life ending when the very thing that made her life whole refused to even look at her?_

* * *

 _"_ _Aly?" He knocked softly on the door, calling her name before pushing it open gently. "Aly…sweetie—You ready to go?" He sighed as he saw her sitting on her bed, still in her pajamas with her hands wrapped around her stuffed animal._

 _He sat down beside her, placing his hand on hers gently before beginning. "I thought we were gonna go out?"_

 _She looked up only for a moment. "I don't want to," she mumbled, looking back down at the bear. She squeezed him tightly, the recording playing again. Billy closed his eyes as he heard the familiar sound. Phyllis had recorded Aly's favorite passage from Peter Pan and even now, hearing her voice sent chills through him. He smiled as he listened to her softly read the passage that he now knew by heart. When she'd finished, he swallowed hard, trying to quell the tears that threatened to fall each time they had this conversation._

 _"_ _You know Mommy isn't really gone, right?" His eyes softened as she looked up at him. He reached out, touching her chest, right near her heart. "She'll always be in our hearts and she'll always always be in our memories. That's why days like today are so special. We can go and put flowers down and remember how much we loved her and how happy we are that she was in our life."_

 _"_ _I don't want to remember." The words were clear and concise and his daughter's eyes stared into his with a conviction that shook him. "I want her here, Daddy. I want her here."_

 _The tears came now, as they always did. He gathered her in his arms, feeling her tiny shoulders shake with the sobs that always came. "Me too, baby. Me too."_

"Phyllis. Hey. Phyllis."

Hot pain seared through her chest and she raised her hand, trying to find the source. Instead she found a warmth she recognized and her eyes fluttered open.

"Billy?" she breathed, taking a moment to look around the room.

"Yeah," he said, his voice a concerned whisper. "You okay?" He waited, hand at the ready on the call button. "You need me to call someone?"

She let out a sigh, too relieved at the realization that it had all been a dream to worry about the pain that such a deep breath caused. "No," she whispered. "No. I'm okay." She smiled at him as she saw the doubt still hiding in his eyes. "I am. Honest."

His face relaxed as he sat on the edge of the bed beside her, his hands softly brushing the hair away from her face. "You were having a dream, huh?"

"Yeah." She had no interest in reliving those moments, but she had no doubt she was about to. Billy wasn't going to let this go.

"What was it about? You were muttering Aly's name and you were thrashing all over the place."

"I uh…" She looked away, dreading the sound of the words. "I dreamed that I didn't get better and when we had to tell her…" Her voice cracked and he leaned in closer to her, his arm wrapping around her as best he could. "When we told her she ran off and she was furious with me. She said I lied to her and she didn't forgive me, Billy."

"That's not gonna happen. It was just a dream. Everything is going to be okay."

"But what if it isn't?" She hated feeling this way—as if every positive thought he had needed to be tempered by her negativity. "What if I lied to her, Billy? What if I promised our little girl that I'd be here for her and I can't."

"Don't think like that." His hands held hers tightly, his mind at a loss over how to quell the anxiety that threatened to consume her. "You're not going anywhere. The doctors did the surgery and you're going to be fine."

"I was afraid to even go to sleep," she whispered. "I was afraid that I might leave again…that I'd leave Aly…that my promise to be here would be worthless. What kind of a mother makes a promise like that? One that she has no control over…one that she might not be able to keep?"

"Good morning."

Billy turned, surprised to see the doctor's face in the room this early in the morning. "Hi." He stood, extending his hand towards him, trying to read his face. "We uh…we didn't realize you'd be by so early." His mind reeled. Was that a good sign? Did doctors come early to give good news to ease their anxious patient's minds or was this the bad news cycle so that it was out of the way.

"Do you have the results of the tissue samples?" Phyllis' voice was shaky as she extended her hand and waiting for Billy to take it. He did so, bringing it to his lips immediately and locking eyes with her before allowing his to close in a brief moment of fervent prayer.

"I do," the doctor said with a smile, "And it's good news….Based on everything we can tell, and with as much certainty as medical science has to offer, I can say…I think we've got it all."

She held her breath for a moment, realizing she'd been bracing for a horrible moment that wasn't coming. The air left her body in a slow release and she felt the tears streaming down her face and she simultaneously felt Billy's arms wrap ever so gently around her.

"What did I tell you?" he whispered in her ear as he pulled away, pressing his lips to hers for a moment. "You're gonna be fine."


	32. Chapter 32

"Billy. This really isn't necessary."

"You can stop the whining right now." He smiled as he looked down at her. "Aly and I have already talked about this. Isn't that right, Aly?"

"Uh huh." Aly looked up at him, grinning broadly at the sight of her mother in his arms. "Daddy says we both are gonna take care of you."

"And that's very sweet, but you really don't have to." Even though she hated being coddled, there was something incredibly wonderful about the feeling of being in his arms again and she couldn't help but take a moment to let her head rest against his chest. Her eyes fluttered closed for a moment. She'd missed these moments.

Billy handed Aly the key card and smiled as she ran ahead in the room, knowing she was making sure everything was perfect…just as they'd planned.

"You ready?" he asked, his eyes meeting hers and bringing a smile to her face that she couldn't stop.

"You have no idea," she sighed, relaxing against him as he carefully maneuvered through the doorway.

She was stunned into silence for a moment as he eyes took in the scene. Blinking back tears, she looked at him. "You did all this?"

"I had some help," he grinned, gesturing to Aly who stood beside them.

He moved towards the sofa, gently easing her onto the cushions. "You okay?"

"I'm more than okay." She turned towards Aly, patting the couch beside her and laughing at the speed in which the little girl joined her. "Did you pick out all these beautiful flowers?"

"Not all of 'em," Aly said with a shrug. "I told Daddy to get lots of flowers though cause when you were sick you couldn't have real ones…and now, since you're not sick anymore…"

She swallowed hard, tears streaming down her face despite her efforts to keep them at bay.

"What's the matter?" Aly asked, her voice tinged with slight concern.

"Oh, nothing's the matter, sweetie. I'm just so happy to be home with you and your Daddy and you're been so sweet getting all these flowers and making all these beautiful signs."

"We did more too," Aly said, hopping down off the couch.

"You did?" Phyllis looked up at Billy with wide eyes. "You didn't have to do this," she whispered.

"I wanted to," he said softly, bending down and sweeping her gently up in his arms again.

A puff of breath left her lips as she shook her head at him. "I can walk, Billy. You don't have to carry me everywhere."

"The doctor said you needed to take it easy," he grinned, "And I for one am going to make sure you do."

"Yes, take it easy which means no marathon running or marathon shopping I guess…" She rolled her eyes good naturedly. "But I'm pretty sure the walk from the sofa to the kitchen will not be too taxing."

"Let's not take any chances."

* * *

Phyllis shook her head in utter amazement as she watched Billy bring the dishes to the table. "What on earth is all this?"

"Well," Billy began, "Aly and I wanted to make sure that today was filled with all of your favorite things, so for our appetizers we have a little sweet and a little savory in the form of strawberries and salt and vinegar chips. And before you question the combination, you should give it a try, it's not bad."

"And for dinner we got Thai food," Aly chimed in, "because Daddy said that's one of your favorite things."

"Daddy's right," Phyllis said with a smile. Her eyes settled on a white bag on the far end of the table. "What's that?"

"Ah," Billy said softly, "Those are very special. I had to do some work to get those." He picked up the bag and brought them over to her, watching with amusement as she opened the bag and her eyes widened.

"Is this what I think it is?"

"That depends…if you think it's triple chocolate frosted brownies from Crimson Lights, then yeah, it's what you think it is."

"How did you manage that? Please tell me you did not drive all the way to Genoa City to buy me brownies?"

"I didn't," he said honestly, "I got Avery to."

"Billy," she sighed, "This is…" There weren't words to describe what she felt. Thank you felt woefully inadequate. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. You're here…and that's more than enough."

* * *

"Of course Neverland had been make-believe in those days, but it was real now…" Phyllis gently closed the book as she glanced over at Aly's closed eyes. "I think she's out," she whispered.

Billy nodded as he glanced down at her. "I'll take her to bed," he whispered as he carefully lifted her and headed for the hallway.

Phyllis leaned back against the pillows, the words she'd ended on tonight echoing through her head. It was real now, she thought as she watched the shadows dancing across the wall outside. She could see Billy's silhouette as he tucked their daughter into bed and it felt so natural and so right to have him there.

As if he could read her thoughts, and she'd secretly always wondered if he could, he returned to the room, easing himself onto the edge of the bed and letting his eyes study her face for a moment.

"You okay?" he asked.

She smiled softly. "You don't have to keep asking me that. I couldn't possibly be more okay."

He paused for moment and she could see the thoughts swimming behind his eyes. "What you read…where you stopped…was that on purpose?"

Her eyes flashed as she realized he too had found the meaning in those words. "I didn't plan it," she whispered, "but it seems pretty appropriate, no?"

"Neverland," he smiled, moving closer to her and pulling the covers up around her.

"It is pretty wonderful."

There was silence in the room for a moment and she thought he might continue, but instead she felt his warmth loom over her as his lips softly brushed her forehead. "You call me if you need anything, okay?" His eyes settled on hers for another moment before he moved to stand.

"Wait."

His eyes shone at her as his eyebrows raised in interest. "Yeah?" he whispered, reaching up to brush her hair behind her ear, the simple touch of his hand making her feel more at peace.

"It's just…" Her face flushed. Suddenly she felt self conscious, a sensation she foreign to her—especially in his presence.

Billy seemed to recognize and he smiled, letting his hand rest against her cheek. "What is it, Phyllis? You can tell me."

She swallowed hard, refusing to allow her stubborn insecurities to get the better of her. "It's just…I guess I got used to you being there in the hospital. It felt right to open my eyes and see you. I don't know…the idea of waking up and not having you here. I…."

"You want me to stay?"

A slight nod was all she could muster and she sighed in relief as he gently pulled down the covers and slid into bed next to her. She curled up beside him, feeling his hesitation, his concern for her far outweighing any need or desire he had to be closer to her.

"Could you just?" She shifted her head a bit, so her eyes met his.

He extended his arm, letting her move across his chest, her head finding its familiar place, right against his heart. She listened to the steady sound, felt the rise and fall of his chest with his rhythmic breaths, and waited for him to pull her closer—as he always did.

"Hold me," she finally whispered.

He brought his arm across her body, his hand resting on her side, but still the warmth of his embrace was lacking. Her eyes glanced up, searching for him again.

"Billy." Her voice trembled a bit as she spoke and she surprised even herself. "Everything was always better when I was in your arms. No matter what was happening, no matter how crazy my life was—in your arms, it all made more sense…I was strong. I was brave. I could do anything. I need that now. Please. Hold me, really hold me."

She felt his chest tremble a bit before she felt his arms tighten around her. Her eyes closed, her entire body now at ease. What she had done to deserve this, she would never know. This wasn't make-believe—this was real.


	33. Chapter 33

_8 Weeks Later_

She took her eyes off the carousel only for a moment and only long enough to smile at him as he put his arm around her and pulled her close.

"I think she'd stay on that thing all day if we'd let her," Billy sighed. For him these were the moments that seemed the most precious—the simple, mundane moments that others took for granted. It was an ordinary Saturday at Navy Pier. They'd spent the entire day together. It had started with a picnic in the park, then a trip to the zoo, and finally a few rounds on Aly's favorite thing in the world—the carousel.

"When we buy a house, we should definitely just get one for the back yard—save ourselves some money."

"Yeah," she whispered, leaning back against the bench seat and managing a half smile as she glanced at him again. She waved as Aly passed them again. "She's growing up so fast," she whispered.

"Hey." He turned his body to face her, his hand gently squeezing her shoulder. "Everything okay? You seem kind of quiet…a little distant?"

"Of course…why wouldn't it be? I've spent the entire day with you and Aly. The weather is perfect. I'm feeling good and Aly's happy. What else could I possibly want?"

Billy hesitated a moment. "I don't know….you just seem a little low energy all of sudden. Was today too much? We can head home if you want…skip the ice cream. I can bring her back tomorrow."

"No. It's not that at all. I'm fine….I just…" She looked back over at the carousel, Aly's bright eyes and big smile catching her eye once again. "You know what..never mind…just forget it."

"Oh, no. We're not forgetting it. You were gonna say something..out with it."

She sighed, turning towards him, breathing in as she felt him leaning in closer to her. "Before I say anything," she began, "I want you to know that I've loved every second of time that we've been able to spend together with Aly. Being together as a family has been a dream come true…it's what I always wanted for her and for us. I guess I just kind of thought…" She stopped, the weight of his eyes on hers an ever present distraction. "I was just kind of wondering if…"

Billy brought his hands to her lips, smiling gently as he shushed her. "You were wondering when you and I were going to have some time…some time that was just for you and me..maybe?"

Her cheeks flushed a bit. "Maybe," she grinned, "Does that make me a horrible person?"

His lips brushed her cheek gently. "Of course not. Look, I was going to wait until later to tell you about this…I actually wanted to tell you and Aly together, but since you brought it up." He smiled as he reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a brochure.

"What's this?"

"Well, I knew we needed to wait until you were feeling better, but I think you're up to it now and with the school year ending, I think it's the perfect time to have a little getaway. And it gets better," he said with a smile, "I thought maybe we could bring along a sitter or maybe even Avery if you'd like so that you and I could maybe have a bit of a date night while we're there."

"A date night?"

"Yeah, I mean…I know it's been a really rough year and I know you're still recovering so we'll take things slow, but I think we've earned a nice dinner…maybe a slow dance if you're feeling up to it."

"A slow dance…" She felt the air leaving her body slowly. "Billy, I can hand…"

"Daddy!" Aly's voice rang out through the noise as she rushed over to them. "One of the little girls on the carousel said they have cotton candy over there…can we get some?"

Billy laughed softly as he looked over at Phyllis. She nodded her head with a smile. Now wasn't the time. Her daughter came first.

* * *

Phyllis sat at the table in the corner of the bustling dining room. The country club was always busy this time of day with all the ladies who lunch coming here to live up to their names, but she was so lost in her thoughts she hardly noticed. She nearly left her seat when Avery's hand touched her bare shoulder.

"A little on edge maybe?" Avery asked with a smile as she slid into the seat across from her sister. "You're in your own little world over here."

"Yeah." Phyllis let the breath leave her in a long sigh as she managed a smile. It wasn't that she wasn't happy. Being with Billy and Aly as a family was what she'd dreamed of for so long and it was more than she deserved…it was just…being with him now, day in and day out, it was more and more obvious what she missed—their closeness their connection.

"Earth to Phyllis.." Avery's voice rang out in a sing song fashion.

"Sorry." She looked up, sensing the confusion on her sister's face. "I guess you're wondering why I asked you to meet me here today."

"You mean it wasn't just because you missed me?" She took a sip of the tea in front of her as she flashed a teasing smile. "I've barely seen you lately."

"I know. I'm sorry about that. It's just we've been spending so much time with Aly. I think we're both trying to squeeze every single second out of the break before she heads back to school."

"Of course you are," Avery said softly, reaching out and patting her arm as a show of understanding. "I'm only kidding. That's what you should be doing and you and Billy deserve every second of this happiness as a family."

"Speaking of happiness as a family…That's why I wanted to meet with you. I need a favor…but this time it doesn't involve keeping secrets or compromising your ethics at all."

"And you're sure you're feeling okay?" Avery teased.

"Ha Ha. Actually Billy told me that he's been planning this little getaway for the three of us..kind of a celebration of our new chance at life. It's not a long trip…just a few days and, since he and I haven't really had any alone time together, he thought maybe you'd like to come along so…."

Avery leaned back in her chair, her eyes narrowing as she smiled suspiciously at her sister. "So I can build sandcastles on the beach with Aly while you and Billy make out in the cabana?"

She couldn't miss her immediate reaction, regardless of how quick and deft the recovery was. "Oh, sweetie," she said softly, with earnest sincerity, "I was just making a joke…of course I'll come. I'd love to spend some time with Aly and you know I'd do anything in the world to help you and Billy have some time together."

Phyllis shook her head. "It's not that," she whispered. "I.." She stopped, wondering if this fell under too much information. Her eyes flashed as she met Avery's gaze. "Swear this doesn't leave this table."

"You've got my word," Avery repeated dutifully, suddenly seriously intrigued.

"I seriously doubt you have to worry about any heavy duty cabana make out sessions. Billy and I aren't exactly back on track in that regard."

"Oh." Avery sighed, her eyes softening. "Well, that's to be expected. You know you guys spent some time apart and then with your surgery and your illness, it's just going to take some time to get back in the rhythm of things…so to speak. But from what you've told me…" She leaned in across the table… "Even not so great sex with Billy beats most of the best sex I've had…"

"Yeah, well…I wouldn't know." She watched Avery's reaction, wondering if she would eventually understand or if she would actually have to spell it out. Her eyes gave her the answer.

"Wait." Wide, blue circles stared for a moment, then blinked. "You mean…at all…since…"

"Nothing more than a few, very sweet, very tender kisses."

Avery shook her head, momentarily at a loss for words. "So…he's still in the guest room or what?" The words almost sounded foreign as they left her lips. Even though she hadn't been in Genoa City to witness the relationship first hand, Phyllis had given her plenty of details—even more than she'd wanted in some instances and the last place she'd have expected trouble with them was in the bedroom.

"No. We sleep together, but that's literally what we do…We sleep. He'll rest his hand on my side and he might occasionally drape his arm across me, but that's it. Oh." Her eyebrows shot up as she remembered perhaps the most painful detail, "And if he should happen to get too close in the middle of the night, I'm treated to a very sincere apology and twenty questions about whether or not I'm hurt. It's like he thinks I'm some fragile piece of glass."

Avery sighed. "Well, I mean…that's sweet in a way, right? He doesn't want to do anything to hurt you. He's overly cautious. I don't think you realize how worried he was about you during all this, Phyllis. I saw him while you were in surgery and afterwards when we were waiting on you to wake up. It broke my heart. The thought of not having you with him was almost more than he could stand. I think maybe he's just going a little overboard now."

"I know." She groaned in frustration. "And I'm not angry with him for that. I appreciate the fact that he cares so much, but I just…I need this time with him, Avery. Things have got to change for us. We've got to get back to somewhere close to where we were because as much as I love being a family…."

Avery nodded. "There's more to you than that."

"Exactly." She looked up and across the table again. "So, can I count on your help."

"Always," Avery smiled. "Just tell me what to do."


	34. Chapter 34

Phyllis sat down on the edge of the bed. It had been a long day full of walks on the beach, building sand castles, and highly unsuccessful attempts at water skiing and yet Aly was still going strong. She smiled as she heard her musical laughter getting closer—her footsteps hitting the floor in quick succession as she ran in from the adjoining room.

"You like it?" She posed, one hand on her hip as she stood in front of her mother. The pink, polka dot tankini and matching cover fit her perfectly and the sunhat and jeweled flip flops were the perfect accessories to match her personality.

Avery stood behind her, barely able to contain the giggle. "I don't know where she gets this personality from," she whispered, her eyes darting over to Phyllis.

Phyllis shrugged in mock innocence. "Come here, baby," she said quietly. "I'll put your hair up for you."

Aly pranced over, standing still as Phyllis pulled her hair into a ponytail. She looked up at Avery with a smile. "Thanks again for taking her to the pool tonight," she said quietly.

"It's no problem." Avery's eyes flashed with mischief. "After all you and Billy certainly deserve a night alone…it's been a while, right?" She winked as Aly stepped over to the chair, grabbing the towel and bag that she always took with her to the pool.

"I'm ready," she announced, already moving towards the door.

"Well then, I've got my marching orders." Avery leaned down, pulling Phyllis towards her for a quick hug and hesitating for a moment to whisper in her ear. "Good luck." She pulled back, winking quickly before reaching out to take Aly's hand.

"Thanks." Phyllis watched as they headed out the room, her heart already beating a little faster at the simple idea of being alone with Billy for an entire night. The knock on the door startled her, and she wondered if Avery had forgotten her key card. She stood, making quick work of the distance, and pulling the door open.

"Hello." Her voice dropped off suddenly when she saw the hotel attendant standing in front of her.

"Ms. Summers," he said, a slight question in his voice.

"Yes, I'm Phyllis Summers."

He smiled. "Then this is for you."

"Are you sure?" She reached for the hanger, the garment bag resembling something that would be delivered after sending clothing to be laundered, but no one had done that here. "I don't think anyone has sent anything down."

"I'm sure. Have a good night." He walked quickly away from the room.

Phyllis shook her head in slight frustration, stepping back into the room and reaching for her phone. She pressed the button quickly and waited for his voice.

"Hello?" He smiled a satisfied smile as he saw her name flash across the screen. That meant everything had arrived right on time.

"Billy," Phyllis breathed, "Did you by chance send anything to be laundered when we got here? An attendant just dropped off this garment bag and he insists it was supposed to be delivered here, but I haven't…"

"Have you opened it?" He'd told her he was going to double check the reservations at the resort's restaurant. And he had…but that was just the beginning.

"No, I haven't opened it. I don't think it's ours..I don't think I…"

"I think you should maybe open it."

She paused, hearing the tone in his voice and smiling to herself. "Billy Abbott," she whispered, "What did you do?"

The zipper on the bag slid down with ease and he smiled even wider as he heard her take a breath.

"Is this the dress?" she whispered, her hands running over the fabric as it lay on the bed in front of her, "Is this my dress?"

"No, but it's close, right? I tried to find the one exactly like it..I didn't know who made yours so I had it designed."

"Wait. You mean, you had someone make this..just based on what you remembered?"

She didn't hear the door open, her mind too busy trying to process the amazing man she now had in her life.

"Yeah, I did. How far off am I?"

The proximity of his voice to her made her jump a bit and she turned towards him, her eyes now glistening in tears.

"Billy," she whispered, stepping closer to him, taking his hands in hers as he sat the phone down on the bed. "It's exactly the same. I can't believe you remember all this."

"That night was it for me. That was the first night I realized that there was something between us that I couldn't control. It was the first night you took over my thoughts, my dreams, and my fantasies. So many times I've wondered what might have been different if we'd just been honest after that first night..If we'd come back to the benefit and told Jack the truth..if there'd been no hiding, no lies. Would we have lost all this time?"

She shook her head. "Is that why you chose this dress?"

"Not a lot of people get a second chance—a real second chance. We have that. We get to start over and do it right this time and I wanted to go back to where it really started for me. We have all this history between us and nothing can ever take that away, but this dress—when I think about it, it brings me back to the moment when I first knew…when I first felt the shift between us…when I think you first felt it too."

Her head rested against his chest for a moment and he felt her nod in agreement.

"So yeah, that's why I chose this dress. Tonight, I thought you could put on that dress and we could do what I wish we'd done then. We can walk into a restaurant and be proud of who we are and what we've been through."

The tear barely left her eye before his soft fingertips brushed it away. "And then what?" she asked softly, her eyes staring up into his.

"Who knows?" he breathed.

* * *

She drew in a breath, her hand grasping for the lever, the heat of the shower almost overwhelming her suddenly. A cool burst of water rained down and she leaned against the shower wall as she took a few more deep breaths. She swallowed, feeling a wave of nausea come over here and she staggered a bit, towards the shower seat, grateful it was there.

"It's just nerves," she whispered out loud, "And the heat…being on the beach all day." The water continued to cascade over her body and the feeling subsided. She closed her eyes, standing again, unwilling to let anything get in the way of this night.

"It's going to be perfect," she sighed, as she turned off the water and wrapped the towel around herself. "Absolutely perfect."

"So, how am I doing so far?" He took her hand as he led her down the wooden steps onto the deck. She could hear soft music playing in the distance.

"It's amazing," she said quietly, content to lean against him as they slowly walked under the moonlight.

"You sure? You barely touched your dinner." His arms wrapped around her waist as he pulled her closer to him. Her eyes fluttered closed as his lips brushed gently against her forehead.

"Sorry." She looked away, feeling horrible for ruining the night. She simply wasn't hungry. "It was delicious. I just…I'm not all that hungry. I think it was all the snacks on the beach today."

"Ah," his voice was low, the familiar tone she loved. "I was going to ask you to dance," he said quietly, "but I think we kind of already are."

She grinned. "Funny how that happens." The day had been exhausting and though part of her would love nothing more than to sleep, the other part, the larger part, could stay in his arms all night—until of course they moved on to bed where sleep would be the last thing on either of their minds. She felt his hands run down her bare arm.

"You feel warm." His voice was only slightly concerned, but she couldn't risk him stopping this. She needed him. She needed this.

"I got too much sun today," she said, "Or maybe it's just being this close to you…it's always hot when we're together." She looked up, making sure her eyes met his as she said, "Remember?"

He felt the word as it traveled through his body, through parts of him he hadn't allowed to respond in quite some time.

"Maybe we should head back to the room," he said, feeling a little breathless and shifting his body away from her, afraid soon the close contact would simply be too much for them both. Being proud in public was one thing, indecent exposure was quite another.

She nodded. "Let me run to the ladies room and you pay the check…if you don't mind?"

He watched as she walked away, still trying to regain his composure. Quickly he signed off on the receipt, waiting by the edge of the deck for her to return. His eyes fell on a small of group of people that gathered near the restroom and he stepped a bit closer, curious as to what interested them.

"Somebody call an ambulance, " a male voice shouted.

His heart sank as he pushed through the crowd, "Please God don't let it be her," he repeated over and over even though he knew…

"Phyllis." His voice was desperate as he hit his knees beside her. "Did someone call an ambulance? Call a damn ambulance?"

"Phyllis," he repeated, "Phyllis, please."

In the distance, the soft music continued to play.

* * *

"Phyllis Summers?" The doctor stood in the crowded waiting room, his hands gripping a clipboard, his face bearing no discernible expression.

"Yes," Billy breathed, "Please..tell me something."

"Are you her husband?"

"I'm not, but I'm her medical power of attorney." He tried not to sound as annoyed as he felt, knowing intellectually they were just doing their job. He reached into his wallet, pulling out a copy of the papers, silently making a note to thank Avery for insisting he carry it with him.

The doctor looked it over quickly, before nodding.

"Alright," he said swiftly. "You said she was recently diagnosed and treated for breast cancer?"

Billy felt his heart fall. "Yeah, but they did the surgery and she had treatments. They said everything was fine. They said they got it all."

"And that could very well be the case, Mr…"

"Abbott," Billy said quickly. "But, what?"

"But her bloodwork shows some concerning levels and we need to do some additional testing before we can say anything for certain."

He fought for breath. "So, you're saying it could be the cancer again. It could be back?"

"Sir, please…we can't say anything for sure."

"I'm not asking you to!" He stopped, breathing in deeply, forcing his body to calm a bit. "I'm just asking you if it's a possibility. Could Phyllis be sick again? Could the cancer be back?"

This time the expression was easy to read. "Yes," he said solemnly. "I'm afraid we must consider that possibility."


	35. Chapter 35

"You don't have to do that," she said softly, watching as Billy gathered the dishes and headed back into the kitchen.

He smiled as he returned, grabbing everything that remained for the final trip. "I don't mind, besides it seems only fair. You handled the dinner, I should handle the cleanup, right?"

"I don't know if calling a number and reading off a take-out order really qualifies as handling dinner, but if you want to get technical about it then yeah, I guess you're right."

A soft sigh escaped as she leaned into him, happy to have him next to her again, settling back into their comfortable embrace.

"Besides," he whispered, brushing a few errant pieces of hair away from her face, "I'm sure you're probably still not 100% after getting back from the trip and the scare and everything…" He pulled her a little tighter towards him, not wanting to go back to that place in his mind. It was a horrible moment, standing in the hospital waiting room, her dress in his hands having been cut off by the paramedics, the dread deep in his heart—fearing the worst.

"Billy," she groaned, her face still relaxed, her eyes still smiling up at him, "I've told you a hundred times—I'm fine. It was just the flu—the only thing that made it worse was that it ruined our vacation and, more than that, it ruined our plans—our night together."

"Yeah, but the flu after everything you've been through is…"

"I don't want to talk about that."

He heard it in her voice, a palpable shift in the mood and he felt his heart speed up at the mere suggestion. "It's late," he whispered. "You ready to call it a night?"

* * *

Billy stood by the edge of the bed, his eyes fixed on the bathroom door. It had been the look in her eyes, the somewhat familiar sparkle that had, in the past, always led to more that had really gotten to him. He breathed in deeply, trying to stop the thoughts—knowing where the brain went, the body would surely soon follow.

He draped his pants across the back of the chair, moving to pull down the comforter, happy to fall into their routine—the one that he'd come to cherish, even if it wasn't everything he desired.

* * *

"Stop it." She whispered the words out loud as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. It was time. It had been too long—far too long.

Her hands trembled slightly as she ran them down the cool silk of the navy negligee. It was one of Billy's favorites, a piece she hadn't worn since the times they'd shared together. She'd considered buying something new—something more daring, something more sexy, but in the end she'd decided the memories of what they'd had would be more than enough spark to fuel the night.

She could feel the racing of her own heart as she let her hand rest for a moment on the handle of the door. With a deep breath, she pulled the door open, her eyes immediately finding his. The flash of interest in his eyes made her smile and she felt her skin flush at the sight of him standing before her. They'd been together in a sense and she'd loved the times they'd shared.

Waking up in his arms, finding comfort and peace in his embrace, and knowing the family she'd dreamed of was finally complete was no small thing to her, but she couldn't help but think of the way it used to be. It would have been different had they never been together, had she never known how intense and passionate it could be, but they had and she did, and each chaste, gentle kiss felt like it was leading to something or somewhere…somewhere they still hadn't arrived.

He stood still, his eyes heavy on her, the thoughts he tried to quell now impossible to push from his mind. Flashes of memories—of moments they'd spent together , ran rampant through his mind. The slip she wore, an all too tangible reminder of times when he didn't need to worry about her, when she wasn't so fragile, when she was always ready for him.

Phyllis smiled, her movements slow and deliberate as she stepped behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and letting her fingertips roam across his bare chest. She felt his sharp intake of breath as she lightly traced the waistband of his boxers, pressing her body against his back, bracing herself for the oncoming onslaught of fervent passion.

Billy swallowed hard, shifting a bit as his body reacted to her touches and close contact. His hands covered hers, taking them in his and bringing them to his lips for a quick kiss before turning around to face her.

She breathed in, heat surging through her body. She'd been waiting for this and she was ready. So ready. Her eyes had already searched the room, the dresser behind her ready to be cleared. His hands moved up her body slowly, the cool silk passing easily underneath his hands.

Her heart raced faster and faster, the anticipation almost more than she could handle. His hands ran slowly through her hair, his thumbs gently racing the outline of her jawline. He needed to look at her, to take a moment and realize this was real. She was real and all the fear and worry and pain was in the past.

"What's wrong?" she whispered, confused by the sudden stillness, the weight of his gaze on her making her a bit self conscious.

"Nothing." He paused for a moment, swallowing past the thickness in his throat, this moment more weighted than even he imagined. So many nights he'd wanted to reach out, to pull her close to him, to fall back into their rhythm, which was anything but slow and gentle, but his concern for her had always been at the forefront of his mind. She'd been through hell and then some and it was more than enough to touch her, and hold her, and know that she was safe and healthy with him. His needs, his wants, his desires—they were all a distant second to making sure she was okay.

And she certainly seemed okay now. More than okay. The breath caught in his throat as he cradled her face in his hands. "God, I've missed you," he whispered.

She stepped deeper into his embrace, needing to be closer to him, his hands on her face no longer enough. She wanted to feel his warmth, his energy, the desire for her that was always so evident.

Her legs felt as if they might buckle as his lips began a slow and painstaking journey down her neck. She too wanted this moment to last forever, but the slow and steady pace seemed to be a particularly exquisite form of torture.

Leaning back a bit, she opened her mouth, poised to ask a question, but feeling the words vanish as his lips gently, but completely covered hers.

For a moment, he allowed himself to get lost in the moment, breathing her in as his lips captured hers. He could feel her body responding as she pressed up against him, rocking a bit as she deepened the kiss with her tongue.

"Hey." His hands moved to her waist, holding her still, afraid if he didn't stop her seduction, there would be no going back. She whimpered a bit, annoyed at the interruption, her eyes staring into his, full of questions.

"Easy," he whispered, kissing her forehead as he looked at her again. Her skin was flushed and her chest heaved slightly. It wasn't a question of want, but was she pushing herself or worse…was she pushing for his sake? Because she thought this was something he needed or he wanted? Was this too much for her too fast?

"We don't have to…" He let the words trail off, feeling the buzz of electricity as it went through the room. She felt the breath leave her, her entire body now on edge. To stop now, when they were this close.

So close.

"Billy, I…"

He shook his head, his touch impossibly tender as his fingers danced along the hem of her slip. "If you're not ready. I don't want to rush this..or rush you.."

She stopped the words the only way she felt certain would be foolproof, quickly easing the thin straps of the silk slip off her shoulders and wrapping her arms around him as it pooled on the floor at her feet.

In an instant, she found herself in his arms, but not in the usual way. There was no ferocity in his movements, no legs wrapped around his waist—this was entirely different. He cradled her, laying her gently down on the bed, looming over her as the gentle, tender touches continued.

Billy stared down at her, her hair fanned out across the pillow, her body arching slightly to meet his, the look in her eyes a mix of desire and confusion. This was new for both of them. Before it had always been filled with an almost reckless abandon, their times together a true reflection of their relationship.

Hot. Passionate. Crazy. Unable to be contained.

Bu this—this was different—because they were different. He'd faced the idea of losing her, the very real prospect of her being gone from his life forever. In those horrific moments, not once had he thought of never touching her body this way. His fears, his worst nightmares had been never hearing her soft whisper, never seeing the sparkle in her eyes, never feeling the warmth of her body as she lay in his arms.

He ran his hands down her body slowly, feeling her shiver beneath his touch. Immediately, he reached down, pulling the covers up over them, pulling her against him, the feel of her racing heart still pounding against his bare chest.

"I'm not cold," she whispered, her eyes steady on his as she shifted against him, her movements making her intentions quite clear.

She smiled as she felt him respond and allowed her eyes to flutter closed as she felt his warm breath on her neck and chest. His hands were soft as they caressed her body and her eyes opened again, confused by the slight hesitation.

His eyes finally locked with hers as he moved into her slowly, his pace gentle and careful and not at all what she was expecting. But it was him and he was here…and they were together and at this moment- that was all that mattered.

* * *

She brought the sheet to her face, wiping away the tears. She could feel his warmth behind her, his soft breathing a clear indication that he still slept soundly. It was ridiculous, these tears, being upset over something like this. Billy had been so loving, so gentle, so careful—it had been beautiful, amazing, and tender. He'd cradled her, taking his time, doing everything he could to make her feel loved, to make her feel safe, to make her feel comfortable…

But he used to make her feel wanted.

The soft sob escaped her lips before she could stop it and she froze, feeling him shift behind her.

"Hey," his hands moved to her waist and he gently moved closer to her, craning his neck to see her face.

It was too late, she couldn't hide the tears now. She forced a smile, turning over into his arms, her forehead touching his bare chest. The concern in his eyes was evident and his voice was thick with worry as he reached out to cup her face.

"What is it? You're crying. What's wrong? Was this too soon? Did I hurt you?"

She didn't allow her face to change, keeping the smile fixed on her face. "No," she said softly. "You were. This was.." She couldn't finish, her voice failing her.

His face relaxed, his lips brushing against her cheek as he pulled her into a tighter embrace. "I know," he whispered, inhaling the scent of her shampoo as he tried to imprint this moment into his mind. "It was perfect."


	36. Chapter 36

Phyllis stood by the rack, her eyes studying the gowns and slips that hung in front of her. This wasn't her first time practicing the art of seduction, it had simply been a while and she felt a bit out of practice. With Billy, she never had to try. One place they never had any trouble was in the bedroom. Of course, trouble wasn't exactly what she'd call what had been going on the last few weeks.

Billy was amazing. He was kind. He was gentle. He was everything most women would kill for, but he wasn't the Billy she knew. He wasn't the Billy that cornered her in company elevators, the Billy that pulled her hair, and growled into her neck. He wasn't the Billy that hoisted her onto countertops and cleared desks with a single sweep of his arm.

No. This Billy was a much more attentive, cautious, careful Billy. It was still wonderful and she still loved spending every minute with him, but it wasn't the way she used to feel. Being with Billy used to be an experience, a time after which they'd both be completely spent, their chests heaving, their bodies glistening with sweat. Now, their nights ended with quiet cuddles and tender kisses. It wasn't bad. It was just different.

She smiled as she pulled a piece of the rack, her eyes sparking a bit as she looked at it. "This will do," she grinned as she headed up to the counter.

* * *

Billy couldn't help but smile as he watched the buttons on the elevator light up. It had only been three days, but it had felt like much, much more. Having Phyllis and Aly in his life had been better than he'd ever dreamed and being away from them, even for this short time, had done nothing less than further assure him that he couldn't ever chance losing this opportunity. His family was the most important thing to him in his life.

He couldn't wait to hold Phyllis close to him again, to feel her heart beat against his chest, to know that she was his and he was hers and they were together. His smile grew larger as he thought of the sound of Aly's laughter, how her eyes would light up just like her mother's and how she'd run and leap into his arms, her joy impossible to tame.

He turned the doorknob, waiting for the inevitable rush of greeting and feeling a bit deflated when he heard no rushing footsteps or squeals of delight. The room was dark and, as he pulled his bag inside, he realized Phyllis must be out for the evening. Sighing heavily, he picked up the bag again, heading towards the bedroom and pushing open the door. His breath caught as he took in the room.

A few candles complimented the dim lights that surrounded the room as the scent of honeysuckle wafted by his nose. The room surely held other surprises, but he was unable to assess anything right now, anything that is except for the woman sitting in the middle of the room.

She wore a cream colored see through negligee with a few very strategically placed pieces of lace. Her legs were crossed as she stared at him. For a moment she didn't move, barely even blinking before she smiled seductively and stood up, moving behind the chair.

"You look like you've had a long day," she whispered, "Why don't you sit?"

He took a few tentative steps towards the chair, stopping for a moment and looking at her. "Not that I'm complaining," he said softly, "But what's all this about?"

"Now is not the time for talking."

He drew in a quick breath as he felt her hands press down hard on his shoulders. She leaned down a bit, letting her warm breath tickle his ear. "I just thought maybe I'd switch things up a bit." Her fingertips trailed down his tie, making quick work of the Windsor knot and pulling it from the collar with one quick movement.

She craned her head around his body so that she could see his face for a moment as she held the tie in her hand. "Gonna hold onto this," she whispered, "Who knows the fun we could have with this later."

Billy opened his mouth to speak, though he was unsure if actual words would come out, but before he could try, he felt her fingertips covering his lips. "Not the time for talking," she said again, "Remember?"

He nodded, smiling as he leaned back against the chair, and feeling her hands working their way down his shirt buttons. She pulled the shirt off his body and tossed it to the floor in front of him. He sat still, waiting and wondering what would come next.

In an instant he found himself staring her eyes as she straddled him and leaning down and finally pressing her lips on his. He wrapped his arms around her, his hands moving towards the straps.

Phyllis leaned back quickly, deftly avoiding his touch. "Not yet, Abbott," she grinned. "This is my show, but you're in the cheap seats. Front row is over there." She pointed towards the bed, smiling as he stood.

"Uh..Uh.." She grabbed his hand as he moved to walk. "One thing.." Her hands rested on his belt and she made quick work of the buckle as Billy quickly stepped out of his pants.

"Teamwork," he grinned, leaning towards her, his lips hovering just above hers. "Don't I get a reward for being so compliant?"

Her lips crashed into his as she pushed onto the bed, allowing her actions to serve as her answer.

"I gotta tell you," he managed, catching his breath as she finally pulled back. "You uh..still seem a bit overdressed to me."

"Oh, I'm just about to take care of that." Phyllis stood up, making a show of every single movement. Nothing was hurried. Nothing was rushed. She grinned her herself as the irony hit her. This slow and steady pace might have a place in their bedroom after all. As she removed the final piece of clothing and climbed onto the bed, taking her place on top of him and grinning from her position of power.

She felt his body shift as his arms wrapped around her and she stilled immediately, her hands gripping each of his wrists. His eyes locked with hers, his expression letting her know he understood. Her lips fell onto his once more.

* * *

"You okay?" Billy stepped back in the room, handing her a glass of water and crawling back under the covers. His chest still rose and fell in quick succession and the sheen of perspiration on her face was obvious.

"Yeah," she grinned, "I'm great. How about you?"

"I gotta say. I'm pretty good too. Better than I've been in quite some time."

Her eyes narrowed a bit as she stared at him. "What do you mean?"

He pulled her close to him, turning on top of her slightly and kissing her deeply. "It's just this." He gestured to the closeness between them. "I've missed this…being with you like this. I mean, I know we've been together, but I've been so worried that maybe you weren't ready and I would never want to…"

She blinked a few times, her brain struggling to process all the thoughts at once. The sheet clung to her still damp body as she sat up. "Wait, so you're telling me the reason things have been so different with us was because you were afraid I wasn't ready?"

Billy nodded. "Well, yeah. " A sigh lefts his lips in a huff. "You've had cancer and the flu and you've been through a lot the last few months. Add all that to having a kid and all of sudden having me back in your life and I wasn't sure if you were in the same place I was. I wasn't even sure if you were physically ready."

"Don't you think I would have told you if I wasn't."

"I hoped you would, but I wasn't sure. I was afraid maybe that you were doing what you thought I wanted and I would have done anything to make sure that you weren't putting yourself in any kind of danger." His hand gently pushed the hair away from her face as he stared down at her. "So, that's what tonight was about? You trying to send me a message?"

She felt her cheeks burn a bit. "Well, I just.." Her eyes shifted, suddenly feeling self conscious.

"Hey..You can tell me anything. You know that."

"I was afraid that maybe after everything that's happened and after all this time, that maybe it just wasn't the same anymore between us. Maybe you just didn't want me the way you used to."

His reaction was immediate and unmistakable. "I want you to look at me." His hands cupped her face in his and she could see the light sheen of tears forming in his eyes. "You have no idea how many times I've wanted to show you just how much I want you, but wanting you, and wanting to be with you is nowhere near as important to me as having this life with you. I would love you and want to be with you no matter what. All of this is just icing on the cake for me." He stopped, kissing her softly. "Now, don't get me wrong. It's damn good icing."

She laughed as he held her to him. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"For what?"

"For doing all this and being all crazy and complicated and paranoid."

Billy shook his head. "You never have to apologize for anything…especially not for this. In fact.."

She shrieked as he moved under the covers. "I think this little show of yours should become a regular thing."


	37. Chapter 37

Billy waved as Aly hurried towards the sidewalk where her teacher and class waited. They were running late this morning. She'd requested pancakes for breakfast and she'd insisted on helping him make them. It took twice as long with her help, but he wouldn't trade the trouble for anything. It seemed crazy to him that last year at this time he didn't even know she existed and now she was so much a part of his life that he couldn't imagine not having her in it. Waking up to her silly giggles and tucking her in at night were, without a doubt, the best parts of his day.

He couldn't help but smile as he thought about the conversation they'd had this morning. Driving to school had become 'their time'. Now that Phyllis had started working at a local magazine, it gave her a little time in the morning to answer e-mails and make phone calls, but it gave him so much more. For such a young child, Aly had so much personality.

They talked about many things, but this morning it had been about her upcoming birthday.

 _"_ _Have you thought about what kind of party you'd like?" Billy glanced at her expression in the rearview mirror. He smiled as her face grew pensive, the lines on her forehead reflecting deep concentration._

 _"_ _Not anything babyish," she declared. "Not too much pink and no unicorns either – I'm over unicorns."_

 _Billy nodded. "Got it. Grown up, easy on the pink, no unicorns."_

 _"_ _Right." She nodded._

 _"_ _What about presents?"_

 _Aly's eyes sparkled at the mention of gifts._

 _"_ _Have you thought about something you might like?"_

 _She smiled broadly and opened her mouth to speak, then stopped, hesitating as the thought seemed to resonate in her mind. "I have," she said, more softly than she'd spoken all morning, "but it's probably not something I should ask for."_

 _Billy furrowed his brow, turning the car slowly into the parking lot. He waited until he'd pulled to a stop and turned off the ignition before he spoke. "What do you mean?"_

 _"_ _Well, it's not really something you can buy in a store…" Her eyes locked on his for a moment before she looked away again._

 _"_ _Hey, Aly." Billy turned around in his seat to look at her, his arm stretching out to reach her. "You can ask me anything, you know that."_

 _"_ _I know, but…"_

 _Her face looked conflicted and he hated seeing her so seemingly distressed about something as trivial as a birthday gift. Perhaps it was about Phyllis' illness. Maybe she was concerned about her getting sick again. "Is this about Mommy? Are you worried Mommy is going to get sick again?"_

 _Aly looked up. "No…but it is kind of about Mommy."_

 _"_ _Ok." He took a breath. "Just tell me what it is. I promise whatever it is, I'll do my very best to make it happen." He watched as the little girl drew in a deep breath, summoning all her courage before she allowed the words to leave her lips._

 _"_ _I want us all to be a family…a real family..for real."_

 _He leaned back a bit, her words hitting him as much as if she'd punched him in the gut. "Sweetie, we are a family. I love you and your Mommy. You know that."_

 _"_ _I know, but…we don't all have the right name." She waited a minute before continuing. "Our last names don't match and Mommy isn't your wife."_

 _"_ _Oh," he breathed, the breath he'd been holding in now slowly leaving his body. "I see." He looked at her and smiled. "Sweetheart, I…"_

 _"_ _It's okay." Her head dropped, her eyes downcast. "I told you you probably couldn't do it."_

In truth, he'd been thinking about doing it for quite some time. His plan had been to give her a ring on Christmas Eve, but between the disappointment on Aly's face, and his newfound appreciation of every moment, it seemed ridiculous to wait. The only problem would be figuring out a way…a way that would prove to Phyllis just how much she meant to him and, a way that would prove to Aly, that she was a part of the entire process.

He sighed deeply as he parked and paid the meter fee. The ring was a non-issue. He'd had it made months ago. The simple diamond setting was offset by two emeralds that reminded him of Phyllis' eyes. He knew, without a doubt, that she'd love it.

The quaint antique store on the corner had always been one of their favorite places to shop after visiting the park on the weekends and he couldn't help stopping in just to see if anything inspired him. The clerk waved, recognizing him immediately and beckoning him over.

"Isn't it your girl that loves carousels?" he asked.

Billy nodded. "It is. Have you got something?" He hadn't expected to find a gift for Aly here of all places, but sometimes life throws you a bone.

The clerk brought the small carousel out of the glass case and sat it down, lifting it for a moment, to wind it and smiling as he allowed it spin as the music played. "I think she'd like it, don't you?"

"Actually I do," Billy grinned, "And I'm looking for a special birthday gift so you've got yourself a sale." He watched as the horses spun around, his mind spinning with thoughts as well. "One more question before I go – do you have any rings that might fit a child?"

* * *

"Billy?" Phyllis called out as she held the door and allowed Aly to run inside ahead of her. "Are you home?"

"Yeah…in the kitchen."

He couldn't help but smile to himself as he thought of the night he had planned. Phyllis' favorite meal was reheating in the oven and Aly's favorite dessert had been picked up from the bakery on the way home. The test run had gone perfectly, far better than he'd even imagined and he hoped he could contain his excitement long enough to get through dinner.

It had become a bit of a tradition – every night, Aly took a bath, brushed her teeth, put on her pjs, and huddled into their bed between them. They read a story and snuggled before Billy piggybacked her into her room. Tonight though, there would be one major difference. He felt his heart pound in his chest as he thought of the wrapped package that sat on the top shelf of the master closet. Tonight they would be well on their way to being a real family.


	38. Chapter 38

Billy smiled as he watched Aly crawl onto the foot of the bed. He never got tired of these moments. His childhood memories were very different. Instead of bedtime rituals of stories and family time, he remembered friends from boarding school and lights out procedures. It meant the world to him to be able to create these memories with his daughter and even more that Phyllis was next to him.

"Wait." Aly said with wide eyes as she rose up on her knees and prepared to head back to the end of the bed.

"What's wrong?" Billy asked.

"I forgot a book," she grinned. "I didn't pick a book."

He smiled, knowing he intentionally forgot to remind her. "It's okay. I've actually got a different kind of story in mind for tonight."

Phyllis' eyes narrowed a bit as she wrapped her arm around Aly and pulled her back underneath the covers. "What have you got planned?" she grinned. "You've had that mischievous look in your eyes all night." There were many things she loved about Billy. He was kind and loving, fiery and passionate, devoted and loyal, but he was also impossible to predict. He made every moment of her life exciting and she could spend a lifetime with him and feasibly always anticipate him surprising her.

"Patience my love," he teased, standing up and walking over to the closet. He reached up and grabbed the brightly wrapped box, holding it out for both of them to see. "Aly," he began, "Do you remember what we talked about on the way to school this morning?"

Aly nodded. "My birthday and what kind I wanted…"

Billy shook his head. "And what else?" He could tell she was hesitating – not sure if she should say exactly what she requested. "It's okay," he said quietly, sitting back down on the bed and turning on his side so that he could face them both. "You want to tell Mommy what you said you wanted for your birthday?"

"You tell her." Her head dropped a bit, her normally bright, confident demeanor faltering slightly.

"I asked her what she wanted for her birthday," Billy said, gently reaching out and stroking Aly's dark hair. "And she said she wanted us to be a real family."

"We are," Phyllis said softly, touching, leaning closer so she could see Aly's face. "Baby, we are a family…"

"Not like the kids at school," Aly mumbled, her hands now over her mouth, the words still a struggle to say in front of both of them. "At school my friends have the same name as all their family."

Phyllis sighed, her eyes locking with Billy for a moment. "Not all of them. What about Maura. Her Mommy and Daddy live in different houses and they have different names, but they're still a family, right?"

Aly shook her head. "Maura has two families and two houses. She has two Christmases and two Thanksgivings and two everythings. She even two rooms. It's not like a family…like normal."

Billy stopped them. The conversation was now getting woefully off track. "I thought about what you said, Aly," he smiled, "And I have something that I think might make you feel a little better." He handed her the box. "This is for you."

"But it's not my birthday yet," she said, her eyes still not leaving the box as they stared at it in wonder.

"That's okay. It'll be an early present. Go ahead…open it."

He thought his heart would burst from his chest as he waited for her to tear the paper. The sharp sigh of delight nearly brought tears to his eyes as she lifted out the carousel.

"It's like the one I ride," she grinned.

"It sure is," he nodded, "And look…" Billy handed her a small piece of lavender string before reaching on the bottom of the carousel and carefully winding it up. He watched as Aly's smile grew while the horses spun slowly and the music played. Aly was a bright child, but she couldn't have anticipated the ring that would slowly unwind and fall down the string as the box turned. Phyllis saw it before she did and her eyes immediately glossed over with tears.

"Billy," she whispered.

Aly's eyes widened as she watched the ring slide down the string and into her hand. "It's for me?"

"It is. I tried to find one small enough to fit your little hand, but we'll have to take this one to the jewelry store to get it sized, okay? But for now…" He reached into his pocket, pulling out a small chain. Carefully he placed the ring on the chain and put it around her neck. "You're really gonna like this next part," he whispered in her ear, before pulling away from her.

Her hand was already trembling as he handed her the bright red ribbon and tears already streamed down her face as she watched him wind the carousel again. The music could barely be heard over the sound of her soft sobs and, as the diamond and emerald ring fell into her shaking hands, it was Aly that threw her arms around him first.

"You like it?"

"Billy…" Her mind could barely comprehend the magnitude of the moment and she stared down at the ring again. "How did you do this…I mean…how did you get this all done so quickly?"

"I've had that ring for months," he said softly. "I had no doubt in my mind that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I was going to ask you at Christmas, but then I remembered that time is precious and I had a little push too.." He glanced down at Aly who couldn't have smiled any bigger if she tried.

"I don't know what to say." She shook her head as the tears continued to fall down her face.

Aly tilted her head a bit. She leaned in closer towards Phyllis, her voice lowering slightly. "You say yes, Mommy," she whispered, her eyes earnest.

Phyllis laughed slightly. "You're so right, baby girl. I wouldn't say anything else."

The End


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